which is not to say...

...that there is any reason to praise me. i often feel when i am talking about how God seems to have exalted me that i have then exalted myself too much. i have trouble accepting compliments, and i think that it's for two reasons, firstly because i rarely feel as if my father approves of me and secondly because i feel as if my life should only glorify God and if anything good comes from my actions it is merely because He has used me, not by any power of my own.

Furthermore, i do not mean to put others down who are in a different stage of their relationship with Him than i am, merely encourage them to pursue God's will and guidance in their own lives. i am fully aware that many are comfortable as they are, and while that bothers me it is also not for me to judge. i am simply not content to accept the status quo, never have been, and i am no longer a mundane. Some people see the world as they perceive it to be, others see the world as God perceives it to be, and i am tired of ignorance and cruelty and hatred being perpetuated in His name.

The modern too church judges too often and restricts the Spirit's freedom to move too often. When every minute of a service is planned out, is unable to be changed at need, is restricted to what the ministers have planned out to the letter, there is not room for God to move as He would wish it. When we limit our interaction with Him He reciprocates in kind. If we do not expect Him to move in a great way, then He won't, if we do, then He will, but also He does not respond to our every bidding. We must surrender and allow Him to move when He wants to.

i want to beg forgiveness for what i am saying, but i can't. i actually feel that God wants me to write these things. i will not accept that God cannot be as present today as He was when Jesus walked the earth and as the church grew. i will not accept a lifestyle and system of beliefs because any man tells me to believe it, i must test it against God's Word and the Spirit's council. i will not allow myself to fall prey to the legalistic who perpetuate and ideology that God did not intend to be implemented. If i must stand alone then i will. i don't expect people to understand what i am communicating, or accept it, but i will rejoice if they do. i don't expect my family to appreciate my ministry, but i will rejoice if they do.

Being a Christian does not equal an easy life where everything you want to have is given to you by God. God's love is not dependent upon or indicated by how many earthly belongings you obtain, which is to say that if you are poor or struggling then that does not mean God doesn't love you. Far from it! But blaming Him for the hard things and saying that He is not being true to His promises is incorrect, misleading, childish. A lie that the church seems to have perpetuated is that if you are a Christian then you will always be happy and "blessed" with ease of life, good health, etc. This is foolish, for we see throughout the Bible that God's people have forgotten His blessings during times of peace and turned to worshiping other gods or themselves. Going through hard times tests our faith and makes it grow and strengthen. Science has proved that a tree that is not tested by the wind will never send its roots down deep enough to anchor its adult form, instead it will eventually become top heavy and fall over.

Being sad is okay. Growing often hurts, but that does not mean we are abandoned. Having joy does not mean smiling all the time, acting like you are happy when you aren't and putting on a mask: it means that you have hope. The world does not have hope, when it sees our fake smiles it is not won over. They know that life is hard, they're realistic and usually don't accept the supposition that becoming a Christian will make life easy. It won't, so stop believing that lie. That's one that Satan uses us to discourage God's children and make them turn away from Him when things are hard. But with God, all thing are possible, which isn't to say that they will happen, but they could happen. The question is always "What is God's will?"

God doesn't want us to be sad or poor or sick, He wants to bless us! If there is something hard you are going through, there is a reason for it, maybe not one that you understand, or are supposed to, or can, but He has a reason for it. Do not forget that God is omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and loves you. Love is the key, this is what the world does not understand, nor many Christians. They mistake lust, a fleeting series of hormonal surges that they want to act upon recklessly, for that which is only obtained and given by sweat, tears, and true passion. Which is not to say that infatuation does not have its place in a Christians' life: God made our bodies to be this way, but He also gave us minds to temper our actions. But true love grows from more, from the point where you choose to keep giving of yourself, even when infatuation has worn off, even when lust is gone, even when it is so hard that you feel as if you will perish or be scarred beyond beauty or redemption forever.

Serving God isn't easy, don't ever let anyone tell you it is. But it is beautiful, filled with pain mingled with hope, tears mingled with laughter. If God's Son suffered, so will you, but so will you be glorified in the end.