i just realized

i usually don't carry cash very much anymore. i rarely take the time to go to an ATM, and some of the ones i do use charge fees (which eventually gets refunded to me, but still, is ridiculous). For some reason, i don't like to get cash with my debit card when checking out at the grocery store or Wal-Mart or wherever. It just feels wrong somehow, like i'm being lazy, which is ridiculous because if i only need $20-40 (which is probable) then it is a very efficient way to get money without having to pay a fee. When did i get so set in my old ways that i didn't adapt with the changing times and ease of cash back with my debit purchases?

political apologetics

Last night i watched some West Wing from the first season, which is something that i hadn't done in a very long time. i was shocked to discover that i had seen six out of the first eight episodes. i didn't think i started watching the show until the second or third season. i'm wondering if i caught reruns later on and didn't realize that it was the first season because Moira Kelly is only in half of the episodes.

i forgot how much i loved this show. i absolutely love CJ's klutziness and ineptitude with men (which is funny because Danny's throwing himself at her). i love Toby's crankiness and Sam and Josh's sarcasm. i love Leo's authority and quiet fortitude in the face of his divorce. i love that Donna wants to buy a dvd player, but can't because the administration doesn't "trust her to make a smart investment" so she keeps the change from Josh's lunch for the same reason. i love the chemistry between Jed and Abbey, how she didn't come in right away but was instantly the perfect first lady for the president that has the tendency to get pissed off at the wrong time for the right reasons. i love how this president is pro-life and has faith despite the fact that he's a Democrat (actually, his Catholicism is probably why he's a Democrat, i'm merely commenting on the fact that most in that party are not pro-life, though i am glad to say there are exceptions), that he's a complete nerd, that everyone in the office is brilliant, but makes mistakes like the rest of us.

At the moment, i am exhausted with politics. One of the things i dislike about the West Wing is the tendency for the characters to get conceited towards whoever they're talking to, with total disregard for the person's personal beliefs, because the former "knows" that he or she is smarter, and right. i will allow that very often this attitude turns around to bite them in the butt, but not always. i'm thinking of one time where the Prez and VP are having a fight because they both feel as if the other man is slighting them, not giving enough respect. Why do men have such conceit? Why do they have to strut and make themselves look stupid in attempt to achieve the opposite?

i will never vote any party line. If i was in Congress, i would vote my conscience. i'm not good at falling in line just to fulfill the wishes of someone with their own agenda for its own sake instead of primarily doing what's right for the country and its citizens. Which of course is why i'll never be in Congress, because our government apparently isn't run that way.

The most important issue to me with always be life. i feel bad for Michael J. Fox, i do, but i will never be able to justify using the helpless in an attempt to strengthen the strong, particularly when research with adult stem cells has proved to be more promising than fetal stem cells. i know it's not popular to be pro-life, because everyone wants to feel as if they have been empowered to make whatever choice they want in order to make themself feel better, stronger, etc., but that always needs to be prefaced with not harming anyone else... Which is why i do not understand the Libertarian line on being pro-choice: if hurting others does not apply to killing an innocent and helpless baby, then what does? Punishing someone else for your own mistakes is wrong (not that i consider a baby to be a mistake).

i believe in smaller government, because government has the tendency to take away freedoms, to attempt to control that which should be up to the individual, to become a nanny state that wants to take care of its people from cradle to grave. i believe in individuals empowering themselves, not having anyone tell them "this is how you must live your life because we say so." That isn't a life. i am against socialism 100% because it penalizes the successful for achieving success and says that the individual has no right to defend one's self from those that would seek to put him or her down and keep them there. i am for freedom and capitalism because other systems subvert the right to liberty and to pursue happiness. One's happiness should never depend on the government taking money away from one neighbor and give it to the neighbor who refuses to take part in the pursuit or is less able (taking care of those less able is a responsibility of the Church and charities).

i don't believe in evolution, and if i did then i would be for Survival of the Fittest in terms of man: we are at the top of the food chain. So it makes absolutely no sense for an evolutionist to believe in protecting the environment because we would only be doing what we had evolved to do. i don't believe in global warming, but i believe in conservation and protecting the environment as long as it is not at the loss of human life and livelihood (in other words, within reason). The Bible tells us that man is meant to subdue and protect the earth.

i believe in the Constitution, in what the Founding Fathers were trying to achieve, even as i acknowledge that there were some compromises made within its lines. The Declaration of Independence stated that all men are created equal, and it's horrible how America took advantage of Native Americans and slaves (no matter what their heritage), but i cannot change that. i cannot make any reparations, i can only fight against enslaving new peoples. Even as i am proud of my German heritage, i am aware that my American grandparents' distant cousins allowed (perhaps even caused) horrible things to happen. i cannot change that, either, i can only speak out against it happening in this country as well.

i have never wanted to live in the past before, but oh how i envy how our ancestors were able to travel to a new, untamed land, and form it with their hands into something better. There is no place left on this earth that hasn't been claimed, that cannot be worked by people of all races working to improve their lives while remaining mindful of their equality, own ability to overcome problem's that their peers may fail at, protect the land they have been given, and choose to help enable their neighbors when they are able. Despite my great love for this country, in some ways i am ready to abandon it, for fear of what it is pressing towards becoming. Obama is no Bartlet, and even as i hope for deliverance i live in fear.

i do not believe in world peace. i know that sounds horrible, but it's true. i'm no xenophobe, i want to travel around the world, i don't want to wage war, but praying for one world government, for world peace, is like begging God to enable the anti-Christ. Read your Bible, things are going to be horrific once this happens.

i am not British, but i have grown up reading their literature and learning about their history (more about their history than any other foreign country, at least). There is a chance that i have some Scottish blood in me, but i do not know that with complete certainty. When i say that i am a Conservative, i will not ever apologize for that, but that does not mean the same thing to the rest of the world, or even to many in this country, that it does to one who is conservative It is important to understand the process that brought our country to the point where, what once was an outrageous idea, is now the one that is set in stone and steeped in hundreds of years of history. i am definitely no expert in the matter, but i have a bit of an understanding that the Founding Fathers were intellectuals that knew what parts of Roman republicanism worked and incorporated that with aspects of British parliamentary practices. They knew that having a king can be just as dangerous as having a dictator, and had learned from earlier colonists that socialism was a good way to make colonies fail.

So they did the unthinkable and formed a government that limited the powers of the government and empowered the rights of the individual. This didn't work perfectly, because at first the federal government didn't have enough power, and slave owners had more rights than they should have, but even the authors of a noble experiment are fallible and likely to make mistakes. The question is whether or not we have learned from those mistakes. The ideals espoused by America's Founding Fathers are still considered to be extreme by people around the world, to be a beacon of hope to the people who believe in the same dream they did. i'm sure that many consider those ideals to be liberal (in the truest sense of the world), but over time these ideals stopped being strongly espoused by many in the Democrat party and became the protectorate of the then newly formed Republican party, that is to say Lincoln's party. We were liberal enough to change the Constitution to free the slaves but conservative enough to cling to the ideas in the Constitution that work. Now we are considered to just be backwards, when in reality we are still carrying the banner in an ongoing experiment.

i do not know much about the Progressives in this country, and most of my information on them is from Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh, who i do not always agree with but acknowledge are smarter and better informed than i am (it helps to have a staff, i'm sure). But the Progressives, who are hiding behind the labels of liberal and Democrat, are really nothing of the sort. Democrats originally were called Democratic Republicans, and held to the same ideals now considered to be conservative (some still do, of course). The Democrat party has been hijacked by people who want us to believe that they are trying something new, a noble experiment where everyone is equal and everything will be sunshine and daisies. The trouble is that it's all a lie. They are only espousing socialism, Marxism, etc, they only want to take money from the rich and keep everyone poor in order to place themselves in power, and anyone who does not fall in line will be damned. i watched the Hiding Place last week, i saw a little of what the Nazis did to those who spoke up for those who did not have a voice. You can watch Schindler's List to see a bit of what happened to the people the Ten Booms were speaking up for.

i ask you, is that what anyone wants America to become? Do we want the people with large families to be arrested? The people who believe in the same God that the majority of our Founding Fathers did to be told that they cannot teach their own children what they believe? You laugh at me, but children are already being (essentially) brainwashed in public schools and there were hints of getting children to inform on their parents even a couple of decades ago (i'm sure it's worse now). Having a large family, something which was once normal (in Austen's day, a family of eight children was *small*), is now considered to be incredible, even crazy. Now we are told that our planet does not have enough resources to sustain us and that we are selfish to love our children while the rest of the world suffers (even as governments controlled by those with similar feelings to the Progressives keep those peoples controlled and held down).

It astounds me how many people are against the war in Iraq. Did it happen for the wrong reasons? Of course it did. Were there any nukes? No, but Hussein wanted us to think that there were, he thumbed his nose at us, and lied through his teeth. The truth is that he did have weapons that he wasn't meant to and the he was suppressing a people just as the Nazis suppressed the Jews and many Christians (those termed political prisoners). Why are we saying that it was a bad thing to overthrow a tyrant such as this? Why is it a horrible thing to rebuild a country that was ravaged by its own leader? Oh, i know, it's not our place to help them rebuild, what then should we say to Japan and every other country on this planet that owes the U.S. money because we helped them rebuild. Yes, we nuked Japan, we have waged war (and not always in ways that were right), but we always try to rebuild things better than before we came.

Is this news to anyone? America stopped socialism and communism in other countries, and struck blows to them elsewhere, all to be demonized for standing up for the principles we were founded upon. Tyranny is not as easy to get away with as it once was, though in my opinion it is still far too easy. Now the Progressives are here, ready to strike at the heart of those who have defended the weak, the poor, for so long, and helped them achieve greatness. What will happen to the world if we--the Beacon for freedom--should fall? Who will stand against oppression then? There will be no one, such will be the day that the anti-christ comes to power. The world will rejoice, the Christians will hopefully be raptured, and the Jews will go into hiding. Those who stand for freedom, for the radical ideas that were espoused by the Founding Fathers, will be mocked and killed. Right now, that time seems closer than ever.



ETA: i firmly uphold everyone's right to believe and say whatever they choose, but i will never remain silent to appease those who are ignorant or have ill will. i know that many disagree with me, i mean no hatred or disrespect, and am not seeking to start a fight, but hopefully gently inform. However, i am tired of being insulted every single day i sit in class because people around me don't believe that my opinion is as valid, or smart, as theirs. i love history, i love the USA, and i pray for its people, those who are content to be led into the darkness because they do not or cannot recognize it for what it is. This battle is not about what political party one belongs to, but whether we are willing to stand against, what history shows to be a brutal and would be just as much (if not more) so were such a regime to come to power in the United States.

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
~ George Santayana

owie

My bum hurts. As do my thighs. Actually, i'm just tired all over, really. Headwinds kick my butt. ):

Global Warming and CO2

This is kind of old news, but it seems to world isn't warming after all, and hasn't been since 1995.
Climategate U-Turn
World May Not Be Warming, Says Scientists

Since hearing about those articles, something i have been wondering about lately is whether or not there's enough Carbon Dioxide in the atmosphere. Look what i found:
Earth in Carbon Dioxide Famine, Says Scientist

What prompted me enough to write this today? Silly videos like these:




What i don't understand is why they claim wind power is all that great, as it's very finicky, but also claim solar power is both good and bad. Does anyone take stuff like this seriously? i guess it was good for a laugh, if nothing else, but it didn't make any sense whatsoever. For one thing, i'm pretty sure nuclear power has nothing to do with fossil fuels. Who has climate change killed, anyway?

ETA: Since i haven't stated my position on environmentalism lately, maybe now is a good time. i do not believe that Global Warming is a man made phenomenon that we need to be worried about. There's more trees in the U.S. now than when the continent was beginning to be colonized. i also do not consider Carbon Dioxide to be a pollutant because it's a natural substance. Humans breathe it out, plants breathe it in.

i do, however, consider myself to be a conservationist. i believe in national parks. i believe in (controlled) hunting in order to prevent wildlife overpopulation. i believe in reducing and reusing, but that recycling sounds good but is often a waste as we ship our recycling to China and back. i plan to breastfeed and use cloth diapers if i ever get married and have kids, and maybe even compost and garden. In fact, i am very green for a Republican, maybe even too much so. Most of the things i do cost me more and probably aren't actually helping the environment at all.

meant to post this days ago...

Read this while searching for triathlon gear. i don't totally agree with it, but it does have it's points: Those Fat People are Delusional. Or Not

In related news, i didn't blog about my workout on Thursday, but i did bike over one mile on campus and then about five miles later that afternoon, and i must admit that my calves are really complaining tonight, and my hamstring is tighter than it has been the past couple of days. You see, there was a headwind both ways on my ride: i kid you not, i was riding against the wind about 3/4 of the time, and the rest of the time it wasn't really blowing. This is why i'm still not sure that i like biking. That and the sore butt. And the loneliness (i don't mind swimming or running alone, but for some reason with biking i do). And the fact that it takes forever and i still go up hills too slowly.

i'm also extremely frustrated that i have yet to lose any weight. Am i always going to weigh more than 200 lbs.? i'm not asking for much, just to fit in size 14W or 16W and go below 200. Yeah, my original goal was lower than that, but i don't think it's possible. My body won't allow it. This is my punishment for not eating enough the summer i lifeguarded and lost enough weight to fit in a size 12. Yep, even when i was thin and fit... i was plus sized. So sue me, i have big bones.

TriNewb W2D3

Was only meant to swim 200m today, but i felt up to more. Once again, my biggest problem is breathing. i have to force myself to blow out while my face is underwater and my heartrate is higher than i'd like. But even though i did chin ups and dips right before getting in the pool, i didn't get very worn out today as far as my arms. My legs were tired from yesterday's ride, however, and though i wanted to swim farther i felt that i shouldn't overdo it too much. Every time i ride to the gym it's over half a mile each way, so i'm getting a lot of exercise. i'm eager to do more but don't want another injury anytime soon.

TriNewb W2D1

So far, i am very happy with how my triathlon training is going. i ran at the gym today, on the elliptical, and my leg hardly bothered me at all: it was just a little stiff but not painful. i ran five minutes longer than today's workout called for and swam. Last year, at this point in my training, i was not actually following the full workout, or if i was i felt i was doing very poorly (exhausted and slow). Right now my pace is better than i would have hoped, and the workouts are providing just a little bit of a challenge (granted, i haven't been doing the workouts every day, but then i have been in recovery and biking all over campus in addition). So assuming that my pace and strength continues to improve i think that i have the potential to do a lot better in my next triathlon.

Tomorrow i bike 6 miles and i fully anticipate that i will do much better than my last 5 mile ride simply because i have been riding around campus and am already feeling much more comfortable on my bike again. This week i started dismounting while coasting without even thinking about it, while last week i was more tentative, and would wait to come to a full stop (i was still in a bit of pain of course). Training also makes me feel more optimistic and less stress (haven't been knitting enough to help with that lately, i'm afraid). The only downside is that, once again, i am hungry all the time. i'm trying to cut back on fast food and get back into a healthy diet, which is hard because fast food is there and ready and healthy food takes preparation. i'm serious, i just ate about an hour ago, and i'm already starving. Time to pull out some more veggies... i'll probably finish them while watching Lost.

TriNewb W1D3

i guess i never got around to writing about how i was injured on February 21: i was running at Trek, where we are preparing for the Trek Bible Quiz and Olympics. Earlier that night i hadn't had any issues really.  Well...sprinting gave me a slight cramp in my right hamstring, but it wasn't too painful. i tried stretching a bit, massaging it, and it was still a bit tight, but didn't seem that bad. We set up for the race again, and right when i finished my first lap (of two), i felt a pop in my hamstring, and quite a bit of pain. i didn't collapse, but i knew that i couldn't finish the race, and hobbled about a bit, then sat down with my leg elevated. When i got home i iced it, but it really didn't seem as bad as what i was reading about online. A pop usually denotes a sprain, but i certainly wasn't collapsing and screaming. It certainly isn't debilitating, more annoying. i have been able to ride my bike without too much discomfort, but jumping and running are still too painful.

Despite this setback, i resumed training today in the form of swimming. It didn't occur to me until halfway through my warmup that it would be pretty bad if i got a cramp or intense pain while in the middle of a pool, but of course i'm a bit of a fish, and so buoyant right now that i probably couldn't drown if i tried. As it turned out, freestyle and breaststroke did not bother me at all, backstroke seemed to require too much kicking than is really advisable at the moment, and when i was doing the sidestroke with that leg on top, it was the most likely to get irritated.

i'm still not quite sure how to describe the injury. It was kind of like cramping with almost every step. Now it only bothers me when i try to stretch it or if i land with too much impact. Tomorrow i am going to tentatively try the elliptical trainer, but i don't think i'll be hitting the track for at least another week, and at this point in my recovery i definitely need to stretch it gradually, as my usual flexibility is lacking. After weighing in today, i tried to do the Sun Salute. Reaching up and back did not bother me at all, but when i went down to touch my toes, i couldn't reach as far as usual, and it didn't feel good. i'm thinking that i should stretch every day and maybe work on the Plank if that doesn't hurt too much. i doubt i could do Downward Facing Dog right now.

In more swimming news, i went to JCPenney and was slightly upset by the selection there. They aren't carrying the brand of swimsuit that i wanted to try on in Women's sizes here in town (i know that you can order them online), though at least they had some tankinis in that size, and i did in fact confirm that my top is size 22W. i imagine that even if i lose a lot of weight i will not go down below a 18W due to my bust size (if i even go below a 20W!). Their Misses do go up to size 16 (and appear to be the same as a 16W, astonishingly enough), but i wasn't going to try that on as i knew it wouldn't fit. Maybe next summer i can get some new bottoms there?

So i came home and ordered the top i wanted online. i didn't want to pay the shipping and handling, but oh well. Now the big question is whether my injury will keep me from being ready to be in a triathlon in mid-May. i definitely want to be in the Hustle again in mid-June, if nothing else.

In case you're curious:

It's on sale right now, big plus!

Swimsuit Stupidity

So, now that my tax return should be going into my account soon, i'm actually starting to feel as if maybe i can continue my triathlon training. i'm not rich, by any stretch, but i am richer than i thought i would be. Which turned my mind to a new swimsuit.

Here's the long and the short of it: i've had my current top two seasons and my current bottoms i bought when starting to train because my guys swimtrunks were fine for leisure swimming but not training. i wear size 22W on top and size 18W on bottom (maybe 16W by the time i buy new bottoms). One piece suits never fit me. If they fit me on bottom, i can't get them over my breasts. If they fit on top, the bottom is baggy. And inevitably they are too short: i don't think i'm long waisted or torsoed or whatever you would call it, but they never fit. i can't wear underwire (they're never wide enough for my large frame) and hate bulky padded cup (the goal is speed here, not padding my DDDs!). And if it's a scoop back, the straps usually feel like they're going to fall forward off my shoulders. i haven't found a one piece that could fit since about the time my bust went up to 40D, and that was quite a while ago.

So i'm looking for a tankini. Apparently, this is too much to ask. Tyr and Speedo don't make them large enough for me, and pickings are slim as it is (i would really love a Tyr Tri Tank, as i loved my Tyr swimteam suit, but too expensive and not in my size does not a happy swimmer make). Most tankinis out there do not provide coverage for my chest. For some reason, manufacturers seem to think that even full figured women want their breasts hanging out all over the place.

So this begs the question... Why would i pay $15-95 on any suit that doesn't fit? How am i meant to get fit if i cannot clothe myself to exercise? After i have become fit, why on earth would i willingly pay for a suit from a brand that is too stupid to make me a suit in my present size? Why should i provide them with my valuable patronage? If they are actually capitalists and trying to make a profit, then why on earth do they refuse to make a product that the public can actually wear when they are healthy or endeavoring to live in a healthful manner (and no, underweight athletes and anorexic people do not count and never will, shame on them for endorsing such unhealthy lifestyles).

i don't know how to continue training for triathlons because i cannot find any gear to fit me even if i do pay $50-100, and i really don't want to pay that much. Zoot isn't even making 2X tri tops anymore!

Stupid stupid stupid. If everyone is overweight, as the media is telling us, then these people need to get with the program and actually offer us merchandise we can use. And i am so mad at Danskin right now because they keep letting me down: i do not want to wear pink, either. i'm not five and i don't have breast cancer. Please provide grown up colors, and black is too hot and not technically a color. Grr.

TriNewb W1D2

Yesterday time got away from me so i didn't get around to pumping up my tires or going on my ride. Today was relatively warm, i didn't even take a jacket, and wore my tri shorts under some capris. i was really glad for the shorts, and even so my lady bits fell asleep about halfway through the workout. i don't remember my seat bothering me very much in the past, but i guess i'm a little off my form, though my average speed was the same as it was at the height of my training last summer, and that was on Mom's bike.

With thoughts turning to the upcoming race season, i'm wondering how much i will be able to race this year. Right now i would like to take part in the Las Vegas Irongirl in May (or, barring that, the one in Boulder in August) because i believe it's the race that was recommended to me at the Highline Hustle. Unfortunately, i don't have $85 to spare right now really. Fortunately i don't think i will have any gym or equipment expenditures until the summer outside my diet, gels, and possibly some tubes. i doubt i'll get new rims and tires this summer, i'll just have to make do with my bike for now.

This also begs the question of whether i should join USAT this year: how many races would i have to compete in to make it worthwhile? One day race permits are $10 while an annual membership costs $39... so i guess i would need to do at least four races and ideally five. Can i commit to that?

finally resuming triathlon training

Today i went to the new gym on campus for the first time and tried out the new equipment. It's all very nice and brand spanking new. i didn't run as fast as usual but i stayed in my zone without any difficulty. After that i lifted weights, and not just a few, i did everything: biceps, triceps, rows, lat pull, shoulder press, leg press, extension, curls, abduction, adduction, and chin up and dips to round it off. i think i forgot to do chest presses, but by the time i finished with my dips i was a little shaky and felt i had done enough for the day. i hope i don't get sore, i did a lot but with weights that were a little lower than i would probably normally do. i did not like the pec deck setup they have there, but i don't usually do those anymore anyway. Next time i will most likely do the chest press and omit the lat pull as i prefer chin ups.

So completes the first day of the TriNewb 11 week sprint training program. i'm going to try to complete every workout in order but i don't know if i'll be able to keep up with how many workouts there are per week. That is the goal, of course, but i have had a lot of homework to deal with this semester. My weight, i am sorry to say, had crept higher than i would like, which i was aware of because of how out of breath i have been climbing stairs and crossing campus, even though i hadn't verified my assumption with a scale until today. i'm kind of down about that, however i don't think i've lost much muscle tone, just gained back some fat. i would say that i'm still in better shape than last time i weighed this much.

Anyways, back on the bike tomorrow, i think i'll start riding it around campus again, too, which means using my new purse less and my backpack more. i'm more used to the cold than i used to be, but i'm definitely ready for it to start warming up a bit, too.

MLK Jr. was a Democratic Socialist?!?

dem⋅o⋅crat⋅ic
–adjective
1. pertaining to or of the nature of democracy or a democracy

de⋅moc⋅ra⋅cy
–noun, plural -cies.
1. government by the people; a form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised directly by them or by their elected agents under a free electoral system.
3. a state of society characterized by formal equality of rights and privileges.

so⋅cial⋅ist
–noun
1. an advocate or supporter of socialism.

so⋅cial⋅ism
–noun
1. a theory or system of social organization that advocates the vesting of the ownership and control of the means of production and distribution, of capital, land, etc., in the community as a whole.
~ all from Dictionary.com

So, how is that not an oxy moron? In the democracy, everyone has equal rights so an individual's ownership is held sacred, but in the socialist system, their ownership is vested (i.e. given/assigned) to the entire community. They are not the same thing in the slightest.

i've listened to more talk radio in the past week than in the past couple of months. Rush has been talking about the new Supreme Court ruling and explaining how corporations have free speech because they are composed of individuals. All the reporters that are anti-corporations... work for and are in a corporation called a news organization. They apparently work for the exact thing they profess to hate! But this goes on to other levels of society, too. Do you hate your neighbors? Well, if they have a job, you might as well, because they are part of a corporation. They may not be owners, or shareholders, but a corporation can not function without employees. So, when the U.S. government takes money away from corporations (i.e. taxes), where do you think it comes from? The more taxes that have to be paid, the lower everyone's wages must be and the less people can be hired. It isn't rocket science! These days, the government even treats small businesses harshly, so if you're thinking of working out of your home or if your neighbors are doing so, then you're one of the enemies according to them! Kind of puts thing into a new perspective, doesn't it?

socialism stinks (my 700th post)

i tire of trying to come up with titles.

i used to write quite a bit about politics here, but haven't really had the heart for it lately.  Following the news has been very discouraging, and since my cruise in November i have not paid much attention to it.  Today was my first day back in classes, and i had the chance to hear some Beck and Limbaugh.  It used to be that communism and socialism were strongly looked down upon in this country and in the UK.  Grand Junction's own writer darling, Dalton Trumbo, was red listed and had his work banned at one time.  Now, i am not at all for banning books, plays, etc., and i think that certain senators were just trying to burn witches to save face as it were, but at the same time it seems that conservatives have somehow become the witches.  The truth about communism and socialism isn't taught in schools anymore, and if one believes in freedom they are treated as if they are spiteful and cruel.

Some of the United States' first colonies made a go of socialism, and it didn't work.  Everyone would put the fruit of their labors into a community pot, and everyone would take out of said pot equally.  The trouble was that many people weren't putting into the pot at all (they were simply lazing about or working on mining schemes), while the people who were actually working at something useful were getting the fruit of their labors redistributed.  Colonies were failing because of this.  So they finally got smart and nixed the entire socialism scheme:  if people wanted to eat, have a roof over their head, etc., then they had to work for it.  All of a sudden the colonies were prospering!

Now, i'm no expert on the history of the UK, i'm just an American girl with predominantly German roots (and i know even less about that country's history), but i also have Slavic blood in me.  A couple of semesters i gave a report on Peter Sis' book The Wall: Growing Up Behind the Iron Curtain.  He grew up in a time where Czechoslovakia was ruled by communists, and all he wanted was to listen to rock and roll and draw and paint the things that he felt like expressing, rather than following the party rules about what acceptable art was.  Czechoslovakia's government eventually fell in one of the most successful peaceful protests in human history, the Velvet/Gentle Revolution in 1989! i was eight years old at the time.

What's been bothering me is that David Tennant seems to think that socialism is good ("Scots know to eat what's good for them").  Now, as a freedom loving yank, i am all for Scotland having its independence, but i absolutely abhor socialism; in fact, i think that it would be better for Scotland to remain part of the monarchy instead, if socialism is the other option.  In terms of evils, Republic is better than Monarchy is better than Socialist regime.  i support the Labour line that Scotland should devolve (as my geography professor would have put it) and have more of its own rule, but i don't believe that socialism will help any country.  Sure, it sounds bad that 7% of Scotland's population holds 84% of the wealth, but that's no reason to steal money from the 7% so that the other 93% can play around with what they didn't earn.  In such a situation, no one will prosper.

In Einstein and Eddington, Eddington's sister went to Germany to offer aid because food and medicine weren't being allowed into the Berlin.  She was a Quaker and didn't steal money from the government to do that, so far as i know (after all, it was Britain's government that was stopping those things from being allowed into the city).  Fast forward to today, and where does most aid come from now?  The Red Cross and Southern Baptists, all of which is funded by donations from what i understand.  Who do you think is in Haiti right now picking up the pieces?  People are making all sorts of donations, a percentage of what you buy goes to it at some websites, etc.  The operative term here is donations.  Most of us normal people make donations each year, whether it be because of our faith or because we want a tax break.  The rich donate the most of all, even if they donate the same percentage of their income as the rest of us.  Obama, the great redistributer of wealth, has been reported to donate less than 10% of his income in a given year, which means he isn't even tithing.  Meanwhile, Obama doesn't only want to use the rich people's money, he wants to use the poorer people's money, too, in order to fund things like his version of health care reform, just for starters.  It's bad enough that about 40% of my income goes to taxes like social security, now you want to take more?  No thank you, Mr. President.  i am not as knowledgable or articulate as some, but i do realize that what you're trying to do is not the best idea, in fact it's making a slightly bad situation unbelievably bad.

What bothers me the most about Tennant saying that socialism is good, is that he claims to hold to the Protestant ideals of always being able to do better.  This goes along with the Christian work ethic of giving and working wholeheartedly, as if you're giving directly to God (which you are, according to Christ).  Is he saying that because he has been fortunate enough to work his entire adult life that his money should get taken away and given to people who refuse to work?  Who squander their money?  The harder he works, the more he earns, the closer he gets to becoming part of that 7%.  If he suddenly lands a contract to make a movie, and gets paid millions of dollars for doing so, does he suddenly become his own enemy?  Tennant is very vocal about giving to charity, but what happens when the government takes away so much of your money that you can't live anymore, let alone give to anyone else?  Aren't the people who are in that 7% mostly just like in America, people who earned the money from their own hard work?  From what i understand, it's much easier to fall back into the 93% and have your children living just as poorly as you were when you started, if not more.

i doubt that anything i say can convince anyone, in fact i'm sure that everything that i've written is flawed in some way or utterly offensive, but i still cling to the cry:  "Give me liberty, or give me death!"

ETA: incidentally, i believe that there's a wee bit of Scottish blood in my veins as well. i really wish i knew more about my ancestry.

New Year's resolutions of a sort

i do not normally make New Year's resolutions: i figure that there is no point in putting off until the New Year to start improving upon something that needs fixing today. i've been fighting to fix things in my life for over a decade now, so this post is more of a State of the Lunacy speech. It's been an arduous journey, stumbling around in the dark trying to figure out the answers to questions that seem to have no answers, trying to figure out God's will when He has been so very silent. i'm sorry to say that i don't pursue God as keenly as i once did: i realized a long time ago that the harder i sought Him the more i fell apart when i didn't find Him. i used to blame Him for that, for my inability to find Him, because i was always taught that He would come running when i called. When that proved to not necessarily be the case, my whole life fell apart. Some people would call my opinions towards how God works to be sacrilegious, but i think that very often we take God's Word out of context. We're all stumbling around in the dark whether we realize it or not, and there's no way that any one person has all the answers while they're here on earth, otherwise what would be the point in continuing to live? If you aren't striving and learning then you're wasting precious life.

There were many things that i had to come to terms with in order to reach this point. My quarter life crisis hit me hard, and in many ways is still hitting me. i have no career. i have no relationship prospects. i had to get over Brad and then come to terms with the fact that i was willing to give him so very much that compromised parts of myself that i never wanted to compromise. Because i have no experience in dating or love i didn't realize what i was doing, i was completely blind. It didn't help matters that the man that i fell in love with turned out to be nothing like i thought he was and that i had been ignoring the small warning signs. i'm glad that i didn't end up with Brad now, but it took me a long time to reach this point, i still cannot say that i am entirely over him. It would be very hard for me to articulate just how very much i long to be in a marriage relationship, to not be alone, and where i have slid to as a result without losing all integrity. Yes, i am still a virgin, but i still feel sullied because of how much i gave emotionally and how much lust that i'm trying to deal with right now. i have no idea how to come to grips with my sexuality when i am single and trying to live a pure life, the entire "just ignore it" thing that the church has going on isn't helping me. i've also come to realize that i have some rather unrealistic expectations when it comes to marriage, that i've bought into the chick flick mentality a bit too much.

So my first two resolutions for this year are to more actively seek God again and surrender my lustful urges to Him in an attempt to confine them to His will and guidelines.

One of the most obvious external indicators of the changes that have happened in my life over the past year and a half is my body. It has taken me a very, very long time to come to grips with my weight. The truth is that i thought i was fat since i was about eight or nine, largely because that's what my peers told me and it seemed as if my mother thought she was fat. When i was Katie's age and size i hid my body and lived in humiliation because i did not understand what i had done to become fat or why i couldn't lose the weight. What i did not understand at the time was that i wasn't fat, my body just looked different than the ones i saw around me because i was athletic and big boned and more padded than the stick straight anorexic look that most people seem to go for these days. i would love to have my body from high school back again, but the little known truth is that our body's shape and size is not what determines our happiness. Our weight only has as much power as we give it, we don't have to be obsessed with losing those 10-15 pounds that we don't need to lose no matter how much society is screaming at us to do so. Is it more important to look like a model or be healthy?

i feel vastly healthier than i did after Brad and i broke up, which was at a point in my life where i was depressed and didn't care about taking care of my body. The ironic thing is that, my first big jump in weight gain, i was depressed but trying very hard to take care of my body, i just wasn't going about it in the right way. i have fought very hard not to gain more weight than i have. The things that i blame the most on my weight gain are depression and insomnia, even more than eating junk food or anything else, because i have almost always been active. i used to think that there was something wrong with my body because i didn't lose weight when i dieted and worked out. More sacrilege? Still, it's the truth. i'm starting to wonder if it's all the unnecessary chemicals and growth hormones that are in all the food at the local grocery store that have caused my body to not maintain a healthy weight.

So my next two resolutions are to reapply myself to eating less high fructose corn syrup, unnecessary chemicals--and instead buy natural and organic foods as much as possible--and to reapply myself to my training. i think i've finally come to a place where i am truly happy with my body but know that i have to keep fighting to lose more weight. i will never be the same size as Megan, and i'll probably never be the same size as Katie again, but maybe i can get below 200 pounds and get back into size 14 or 16 and just be healthy and happy. To that end i believe that i'll start training for Olympic length triathlons but only compete in Sprint length ones until i can improve my performance... say at least come in the top 75%! lol

My last three resolutions are to expand my social circle, write more, and balance my selfless and self-protective natures.

i have always felt a bit socially awkward, and to be honest playing WoW has exacerbated that. Throwing myself into the game, i thought i had a lot of friends, when in reality they were just nicer to me than most people are. There was no real connection or hold between us. Everything there has fallen apart time and again, and there's always two or three jerks that have to bring out the worst in me. One of the reasons that i didn't make a very good actress is because i was afraid to look bad: Emma Thompson and David Tennant have proven to me that the ugly parts of a person can make them all the more beautiful. i need to stop caring so much about what people say about me because very often they do it just to get a rise out of me and it makes me uglier than if i would have let it slide off my back.

So i'm quitting WoW, probably for good, and that was part of the deal i made with God when i decided to apply for the job at WoW.com: i have been considering leaving the game for a long time, and i promised Him that if i didn't get the job that i would finally quit the game. i want to try to make more friends my own age, or maybe just within my own interests. Let's face it, i am and have been and will always be a geek. Gaming will just become a smaller part of my life, just as it always was before i took up WoW. Now i will seek relationships based on shared faith, or interest in reading/writing, or in knitting, or in triathlons. Of course i also have two more semesters of school to get through, and a lot of what i can accomplish will depend on what my school-load is like.

i have been so grateful with my friendship with Katie these past few months. i also hate being sick, and cannot wait for this stupid cold to go away and the semester to start so i can start training again. i have several knitting projects that i'm looking forward to working on soon. i'm trying to make healthy choices and continue to grow as we enter a new decade... even though that decade technically doesn't begin until a year from now. (;