the break up...

What a depressing thing for me to have to write about for my 499th post...

So i broke up with Brad and he is very mad at me. He will not talk to me, which is pretty par for the course since he went home two months ago. He told me that he wanted to take a break for six months (until he was "free") and that he was uncomfortable with my weight and wanted me to make an effort to lose weight. Well i'm back down to 225 after a slight hiccup, and he has been nothing but rude when he actually takes the time to communicate with me. All my attempts at communication have been labeled as nagging and unreasonable. I am sure that I could have handled the situation better, but after two months of negative, rude, and disrespectful comments both privately and in WoW chat, I broke up with him publicly in WoW chat. He responded saying that i was a "CRAZY bitch", will never talk to me again, and that he hopes i have a "horrible life."

i have been trying to get up the nerve to break up with him for a while now. Looking at our relationship objectively i felt that if anyone who knew about his behavior would tell me to just drop him. He wanted to keep the relationship completely private... Megan says he's just a private person, it felt like he was ashamed about me. He wouldn't even talk to his parents about me. I couldn't talk to my friends about him because he didn't want me to tell anyone about our relationship. Online friends have been asking me for weeks why I'm not an officer in the guild (i helped form it, after all, and he and Megan are the guild masters), why he's being so rude to me and in general, well now he has kicked me from the guild and I am searching for a new one... if I am even going to be able to keep playing WoW at all.

How did this happen? We were talking about the future and i was so sure he was the one. And then he decided not to enlist, to go home when his mother flipped out, to "take a break." He's miserable now, quit his job, will not be able to pay the rent. That's why he left and isn't "free", because he had already signed a lease for this next fall. Well i am tired of him taking his frustrations out on me, and he needs to grow up. He could have stayed here and gotten a job, but he decided not to. He could have stayed with me, instead of constantly pushing me away and ignoring me, but he wouldn't relent. It was him who decided to treat me badly, and i loved him, so i put up with it for two months... Now i am still alone and heartbroken but at least have a little self respect. My friends now know that once upon a time we were in love and now his action have caused me to leave him. In a reality it has been over two months.

The first week we were together i knew it was too good to be true, i was so scared to lose him, but i loved him anyway, trusted him anyway. i hate being right, i hate i when my fears become reality. i know i made mistakes, maybe forgiving him for so long was one of them, idk.