It is disheartening to see on television the images of impoverished children in Africa, stomachs bloated with hunger, skin stretched over-obvious ribs. So many of these children are orphaned by starvation and AIDS, and live without shoes or proper clothing, they have no money or food to support themselves; as a result, older sisters find themselves caring for siblings as if they were their own, are forced to prostitute themselves out for a bit of money or bread (Falconberg par. 12), and are inevitably infected with the AIDS virus themselves--because their customers believe that condoms are, in fact, the source of the AIDS infection (Nigeria par. 19)--eventually dying and leaving their younger siblings even worse off than ever before. I think everyone would agree that these children need food, shelter, medical care, clothing, and and education in order to better their situation. It is no wonder that so many African governments are in a constant state of war, with their citizens unable to resist whatever form of government is trying to usurp power, when the are too ignorant and weak to stand up for themselves or take up arms. If anyone could discover a way to rectify these ills, they would fully deserve the many monuments that would inevitably be erected in his or her honor, not to mention the thanks of an eternally grateful and happier society.
Of course, the problems in Africa are only the beginning of what I hope to find a solution for; there are much greater problems, such as the fact that the amount of charity that is being sent into those countries simply is not enough, and it does not enable these people to support themselves, what with the diamond trade being built on virtual slave labor, and all the profits being sent out of the continent, and all the oil going to countries such as the United States, where all the Americans are too niggardly to pay more than two dollars for a gallon of gas without complaining, let alone four or five.
Africa is also not the only continent that is experiencing problems, it is often just the most obvious one. In South American there are huge ghettos where the population cannot support themselves and live in boxes with only soccer balls to amuse themselves. Their problem disease is not AIDS, but Tuberculosis, which has formed several virulant strains that are resistant to most antibiotics (Global par. 7). Worst of all, farmers are using slash-and burn tactics to clear rain forest; "every year, another chunk of forest the size of Connecticut or larger disappears" (Chang par.10). The farmers grow soy to export to vegetarians (Fan par. 2) or coca for the drug cartels to convert into cocaine and sell (Blair par. 1), ranchers clear land to feed their cattle, and after a few years the soil is worthless (Fan par. 2). Francisco Santos Calderon, the vice-president of Colombia, predicts that within five years the cocain industry will have spread to West Africa (Blair par. 8). Brazil has become the fourth largest source of greenhouse gases in the world (Chang par. 4), and "deforestation picked up 10%" in 2007 (Fan par 1). Scientists say: "Keeping greenhouse gases out of the atmosphere has become crucial to saving the planet from catastrophic climate change" (Chang par. 6).
For my part, i have given great thought to this important subject despite the fact that my years are few. I have weighed several options and found that most so-called solutions are completely absurd and display gross ignorance on the part of their progenitors. All of this begging and prostitution is not helping anyone besides perverts, and there simply is not enough aid being sent to help these poor souls. It is also helpful to the issues the world faces of overpopulation, what with these women refusing to use birth control and bringing more children into the world, which only adds to the problem. These poor innocent children live a life filled with misery that it is torturous and cruel to even consider conceiving more children under current conditions: it is so horrible that it surely can move even the most apathetic to tears.
The number of obese individuals in the world has reached epidemic proportions: "more than one billion adults in the world are overweight and at least 400 million of them are obese," and those numbers are expected to double by 2015 (Paglinawan par. 3). The number of obese people has tripled in the past two decades (par. 4), revealing a startling lack of willpower on the part of most of Earth's citizens. It is obvious that only people who have too much and exercise too little are causing their own health problems and depriving the rest of the world (par. 12). Under the current state of affairs, it is utterly impossible for these situations to be bettered.
"I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection" (Swift ). Fortunately, the solution is incredibly simple: it is time for the fat citizens of Earth to start to follow Christian Bale's diet (Elliot par. 5-6) by eating far less than what they already do but taking vitamins in order to remain healthy. The amount of money that overweight individuals formerly spent on food will be garnished from their wages and used to instead feed the starved individuals that live abroad. There can be no real objection to this since everyone already wants to help the impoverished and no one wants to be fat to begin with. Since these individuals have such slight willpower, and the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, the new world order that will inevitably come about to enact these changes will take the temptation to overindulge out of the hands of its citizens.
I humbly propose that, since these uncontrolled pigs care so little about their own health, they will also be denied medical care until they reach an appropriate weight, and the funds that previously went towards their health coverage will instead provide for the medical needs of those infected with AIDS and TB, along with finding cures for said diseases. By the time the greedy guts have reached an acceptable weight, these goals will surely have been met, and everyone will be healthier, therefore requiring less healthcare, so everyone will receive equal amounts of more efficient care at a lower price.
Because obesity is also caused by the "more sedentary lifestyle brought about by advancements in technology" (par. 12), the amount of time spent seated or at a computer should also be limited to a slight number of hours day, unless the person using said electronic device is powering it via use of a treadmill or stationary bicycle. If the citizens of Africa can live in this manner, surely the rest of the world can adapt to a similar lifestyle. In order to protect the environment, motor vehicles will only be used in extreme emergencies, as deemed necessary by the government, while mass transit, manual self propulsion, and bicycling will become the only accepted forms of transportation. Telecommuting would also be a more efficient means of doing business.
To solve the food problems in South America, it is best to destroy the demand for the environmentally harmful foodstuffs: ban soy (no one actually likes it) and beef (it is too fatty to be included in a healthy diet). If there is still not enough food to go around, stage two of the plan should be to follow China's example and limit every couple to only one child. Sterilization is the easiest way to ensure that this directive is followed: after each woman has had her baby, the doctor can easily tie her tubes, particularly if the medical establishment continues to phase out vaginal deliveries in favor of conveniently scheduled elective caesarean sections. Like circumcision in decades past, vasectomies can also be pushed on men as a healthy lifestyle choice because sperm is dirty, or causes cancer, some other such spin. While they are at it, doctors can push needless vaccinations on middle school girls that have a good chance of rendering them sterile, effectively ensuring "One Less" child to worry about being born and using up valuable resources.
In order to thwart the subversive drug cartels the world's governments should legalize cocaine and sell it really cheap, taxing it heavily of course, and completely undermining the previous corner on the market. The only reason demand is so high is because it is so hard to get good crack at a decent price, what with having to worry about possible informants and getting arrested. Every American knows that prohibition did not work with alcohol, so there is no reason to think that it should work for drugs: the war is lost unless the world's governments see reason and take action soon. The framework for a new world government is already in place with the United Nations, and all of these proposals already fit in with their objectives, so I see no real reason why this plan could not be put into effect quite quickly.
I think the advantages of my plan are obvious, but I will outline them anyway. First, world hunger will be solved, and women will no longer get weepy over images of starving children, nor will people have to feel obligated to send money (the government will fulfill that obligation for them) or be too selfish to do their part (again, the government will be redistributing the weatlh, taking the responsibility out of their hands, which will be a welcome relief for everyone).
Secondly, the world will have cured AIDS, which will make everyone interested in pop culture really excited... though perhaps upset that their red t-shirts and cell phones are now extraneous. No matter, all the funding that was being diverted to AIDS research can now move on to cancer or Parkinsons or paralysis, etc., whatever new cause that celebrities take up next.
Thirdly, because the depressed obese will have shed all those unwanted pounds, everyone will look really, really hot, so everyone will be happier. There will be fewer suicides, less stress, and medical costs will be lower because everyone will be healthier. Diabetes, thyroid disorders, heart disease, high blood pressure, will all be a thing of the past. Plastic surgeons should be doing well for a while, as well, with all the tummy tucks and boob jobs that everyone will be wanting to get; after all, the formerly obese will have to get rid of the unwanted skin somehow.
Fourthly, this plan is extremely good for the environment. The Amazon Rain Forest will recover. The world economy will no longer be dependent on its obsessive need for oil, nor will SUVs be polluting the air we breathe. The Ozone Layer will be replenished and we will have finally saved the Penguins, Polar Bears, Whales, you get the idea.
I could go on, and list other advantages, but I am certain that is really unnecessary. I have no wish to be long winded, I am not describing these strategies for any glory of my own, I am really just concerned about solving the problems we face and the welfare of everyone involved. I really cannot think of any valid objections to this proposal, indeed there can be none, and I am tired of hearing people debate needlessly. I will not profit from this venture any more than my common man, let me assure you. I am confident that those who read this will see reason, and,very soon we will all be living in harmony and no longer have any great cares to darken our day.
Works Cited
Blair, David. "Colombian Drug Cartels Blamed for the Destruction of Rainforest." The Daily Telegraph. 23 May 2008. LexisNexis Academic. Mesa St. Col. Lib., Grand Junction, CO. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.lexisnexis.com/us/lnacademic>
Chang, Jack. "As Brazil's rain forest burns down, planet heats up." McClatchy Washington Bureau. 8 Sept. 2007. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.mcclatchydc.com/226/story/19533.html>
Elliot, Jessica. "Christian Bale's Weight Loss for The Machinist: This Dedicated Actor Lost a Whapping [sic] 63 Pounds to Play the Lead in This Movie." Associated Content. 23 Aug. 2006. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/53457/christian_bales_weight_loss_for_the.html?cat=40>
Falconberg, Suki. "Prostitution and AIDS." American Chronicle. 4 November 2006. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.americanchronicle.com/articles/15980>
Fan, Grace. "Global Leaders Must Fight Fire with Fire as Amazon Burns." The Business. 19 Jan. 2008. LexisNexis Academic. Mesa St. Col. Lib., Grand Junction, CO. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.lexisnexis.com/us/lnacademic>
"Global Health Champions: Jim Yong Kim." Rx for Survival. Mar. 2006. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/rxforsurvival/series/champions/jim_yong_kim.html>
"Nigeria; HIV/Aids: the Lethal March of a Plague." Africa News. 6 Dec. 2008. LexisNexis Academic. Mesa St. Col. Lib., Grand Junction, CO. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.lexisnexis.com/us/lnacademic>
Paglinawan, Adriel M.and Rima Jessamine M. Granali. "Special Feature: Health Guide; A Global Crisis." BusinessWorld. 30 Apr. 2008. LexisNexis Academic. Mesa St. Col. Lib., Grand Junction, CO. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.lexisnexis.com/us/lnacademic>
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