"The world moves for love; it kneels before it in awe."
~ William Hurt in the Village
Friday, April 29, 2005
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
life verse
Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that He has promised.
~ Hebrews 10:36 (NLT)
~ Hebrews 10:36 (NLT)
Yes, it is now official, all my backgrounds have been lost. You see, sometime since my last computer crash (and before i was able to save all of them to disc again) Prohosting decides to delete my website where all my backgrounds are stored without warning. So now all my hard work and the outpouring of my heart is gone: all i have is little 150 x 200 thumbnails of all my backgrounds... all of them. I was really depressed the night i found out. I keep hoping that they're just experiencing technical difficulties and that they'll magically reappear but i doubt it will happen. I'm just out of luck i guess. I don't know what to do now. It's really disheartening (as if i'm not under enough stress as it is).
Harry Potter pre-orders at Wal-Mart!
All you have to do is put down two dollars and put your name and address on a little card, right? No, i have to wait for a manager or someone of greater experience to confirm that yes, when Wal-Mart puts little cards that say "Pre-Order Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" out with the display of the previous five HP books (in hardback and paperback) they mean it. But i have to be subjected to "Wal-Mart doesn't do pre-orders" and "This can't be valid" and "This isn't good until July 16th" when if they'd just scan the stupid thing they'd see that it is in the computer and i can pre-order it! It was really annoying, especially the second time (because i knew it had worked the first time). You see, first i put my $2 down for myself and then i called my sister to see if she wanted me to do the same for her (she did) so then i drove to the Wal-Mart that's on the other side of town and put $2 down for her. I had to tell them that it worked before (okay, i told them my sister had already done it) for them to even scan the stupid thing. Maybe i should have just shown up at 11:45 p.m. July 15th and hoped for the best (they had plenty of them lying around in Lynchburg June 21st two years ago). Anyway, i can now officially say that i've pre-ordered two copies of the Half-Blood Prince.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Here's the paper that has been monopolizing my time of late. The last thing i want is for my teacher to accuse me of plagiarism and flunk me out of English Composition 112. Please enjoy reading this but do not copy it or reproduce it without my permission: i spent way too much time on this paper but probably didn't spend enough time on it at the same time. I'll be glad when this class is over and i won't have to take any more english unless i so choose.
“Where’re We Going?” (due April 15th, 2005)
Joyce Carol Oates' book Black Water relates the story of a young woman who dies in the sinking car of a senator (Caldwell; Claffey). Oates asserts that Black Water is not a retelling of the accident involving Senator Edward Kennedy in 1969 (Caldwell) "But no one can not read Black Water outside the context of the awful moment in history that inspired it" (Caldwell). Similarly, reading the article "The Pied Piper of Tucson" inspired Oates to write "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?" but the depicted events have distinct differences. Both the news story and short story recount the events leading up to the antagonists committing the crime and, because they lack the graphic details present day renditions would contain, utilize open denouement.
In "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?" the protagonist is Connie, a fifteen-year-old girl who is obsessed with her good looks (Oates 308-309). “Oates effectively portrays a teen-ager who haunts the shopping malls and hamburger joints with other girls just like her, who fights with her mother and feels contempt for her ‘plain and steady’ older sister, and who spends her time ‘thinking, dreaming about the boys she met” (Johnson 99). This popular girl not only likes to hang out with older guys: afterwards they go somewhere private to have sex (Oates 310-311). Her mother rarely asks "Where are you Going?" or "Where have you been?" (311). She does not know what Connie really does when she goes out with her friends because "Everything about her had two sides to it, one for home and one for anywhere that was not home. . . " (309) and when her mother did actually ask questions she ". . .was simple and kindly enough to believe her" (311).
Connie's "wisecracking exterior . . . conceals her insecurity and dreamy romanticism" (Johnson 99); she spends the whole summer dreaming about boys and how wonderful it is to be with them (Oates 312). Oates writes:
Charles Schmid–who bacame known as the Pied Piper of Tucson in a Life Magazine article–did not have only one victim, but three (Moser 19). Alleen Rowe was fifteen when she disappeared (80D; Ramsland 3). She actually discussed things with her mother, who "had lately been concerned about Alleen's friendship with a neighborhood girl named Mary French" (80D). Mary was one of Schmid's girlfriends, so Alleen knew Schmid, too (82; 3). Alleen had mixed feelings about him: "'He's creepy,' she once told her mother, 'he just makes me crawl. But he can be nice when he wants to'" (Rowe qtd. in Moser 82).
One night Schmid, a friend of his named Saunders, and Mary picked Alleen up from her home (82; 3). Mary had convinced her to drive out Golf Links Road to drink in the desert with them (82; 3); Schmid had decided ahead of time to kill Alleen (3). After they had been talking in a wash for a while Mary went back to the car (82; 3). Schmid raped Alleen, then killed her by hitting her in the back of the head with a rock (3). The three friends dug a grave together and buried Alleen in the sand (82; 3). Then they went back to the car and wiped it clean of prints (82; 3). Alleen's mother reported her daughter's disappearance to the police but they believed that her daughter had simply run away (82; 3).
One of Schmid’s other victims was Gretchen Fritz, who he saw for the first time about two months later at a swimming pool (84; 4). Schmid was warned that she was trouble (4), but he liked her so much that he followed her home (84; 4). Schmid would lie about nearly anything to make himself look good or get women to sleep with him (24 ; 2); Gretchen lied just as much (4). Schmid had rich parents who funded his pursuits (80D; 2); Gretchen’s parents were rich, too, and did not approve of her behavior (4). The two eventually dated, and they were wild about each other, but they often argued about the other women he saw (84 ; 4). The details are unclear, but Schmid eventually killed Gretchen, who was seventeen, and her sister Wendy, who was thirteen (19, 87; 3), one night after they had been to a drive-in movie (87). He later buried the two sisters in the desert (87-88; 5) and was eventually convicted of the crimes (7).
Oates chose not to give her readers such a clear-cut ending, but despite some differences the two stories are similar in many ways. Schmid preferred blondes (84) and Connie is blonde (Oates 309). Friend's hair was black (312), the color Schmid dyed his (Moser 23). Friend was barely taller than Connie (Oates 314) and "one of his boots was at a strange angle, as if his foot wasn't in it" (319). Like Schmid (Moser 21-23), Friend's boots were ". . . stuffed with something so that he would seem taller" (Oates 320), he drove a gold car (310; Moser 23), and wore makeup so he appeared to be tanner (319; 23). Connie notes Friend's muscular physique (314); Schmid was a gymnast (21). The biggest difference between the victims is that all of the girls Schmid killed knew him ahead of time while Connie had only seen Friend once before (Oates 310) and while It is clear that Alleen resisted Schmid’s attack (Ramsland 3), it appears that Connie ultimately did not (Oates 321-323).
While Connie was not afraid of Friend at first “. . .the narrative takes a sharp, unexpected turn when Connie is suddenly left alone, separated from her giggling friends and her stern but protective family” (Johnson 100). She was already nervous about being alone (Oates 312), but when she hears a car coming up the drive she becomes self-conscious about her appearance (312). When talking to Friend "She couldn't decide if she liked him or if he was just a jerk, and so she dawdled in the doorway and wouldn't come down or go back inside" (313). At first glance Arnold appears to be a flat and static character, but as his conversation with Connie progresses and warnings start to sound in Connie’s head new aspects to the character unfold. She becomes uneasy because she cannot tell what Friend is looking at while he’s wearing shades (313), he knows her name already (314), and all of his actions just seem a little off (314-316). “He stood there so stiffly relaxed, pretending to be relaxed, with one hand idly on the door handle as if he were keeping himself up that way and had no intention of ever moving again” (316). Like Schmid with Gretchen (Moser 84; Ramsland 4), Friend did his homework before he came to see Connie: he asks questions about her, he follows her home, and knows details about her life before they even meet like her friends’ names (Oates 315), that she was with a guy the night before (317), and that her parents will not be home for hours (318). Friend uses this information to empower himself, to show Connie that she is vulnerable and does not have a chance to escape. In Connie’s moment of crisis Friend coaxes:
This initiation story is emblematic of Oates’ stories and “has generally been recognized as uniting Oates's greatest strengths as a short story writer" (Johnson 99). Oates uses realism so we can identify with Connie but "Violence, or the threat of violence, always lurks in the background of her work. Her writing ‘involves conflict between a seemingly settled, peaceful life and a sudden intrusion of violence'. Often the violence is psychological or sexual . . ." (Steinberg). In a world where the most popular programs are crime dramas and news broadcasts that relate violent crimes in vivid detail every day, "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?" may seem tame in comparison but "horror resides in the transformation of what we know best, the intimate and comfortable details of our lives made suddenly threatening" (Sullivan qtd. in Wegs 87) which is exactly what "The Pied Piper" was all about: no one felt safe anymore.
Modern readers are used to receiving a clearly defined ending, but Oates chose to use open denouement, to leave us wondering if Friend followed through on his threats (which he almost certainly did) and if he is still out there hurting someone else. “. . .Oates's ability to absorb and then to transmit in her fiction the terror which is often part of living in America today. . . " (Wegs 87) is what makes her stories seem real and applicable.
Works Cited Caldwell, Gail. "Oates 'Black Water': Unexpectedly Haunting." The Boston Globe. 21 May 1992, city edition: LIVING 92. Academic Universe. LexisNexis. 22 March 1992. Tomlinson Library, ID. 29 March 2005. <http://www.lexisnexis. com">.
Claffey, Charles E. "Chappaquiddick Metaphor." The Boston Globe. 10 April 1992, city edition: METRO/REGION 1. Academic Universe. LexisNexis. 11 April 1992. Tomlinson Library, ID. 29 March 2005. <http://www.lexisnexis. com">.
Johnson, Greg. Understanding Joyce Carol Oates. Columbia: University of South Carolina Press, 1987.
Moser, Don. "The Pied Piper of Tucson." Life. 4 March 1966: 18-24, 80C-90.
Oates, Joyce Carol. "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?" Literature: A Pocket Anthology. Ed. R. S. Gwynn. New York: Pearson Longman, 2005. 308-323.
Ramsland, Katherine. "Charles Schmid: The Pied Piper." Court TV's Crime Library. 2005. 31 March 2005. <http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial2/schmid/index.html>.
Steinberg, Sybil. "Prolific Oates." Publishers Weekly. 13 September 2004. Academic Universe. LexisNexis. 16 September 2004. Tomlinson Library, ID. 29 March 2005.
Urbanski, Marie Mitchell Olesen. “Existential Allegory: Joyce Carol Oates ‘Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?’” Studies in Short Fiction. Gale Database. Spring 1978. 31 March 2005. <http://galenet.galegroup.com/servlet/GLD/>.
Wegs, Joyce M. "'Don't You Know Who I Am?' The Grotesque in Oates's 'Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?'" Critical Essays on Joyce Carol Oates. Ed. Linda W. Wagner. Boston: G. K. Hall & Co., 1979. 87-92.
In "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?" the protagonist is Connie, a fifteen-year-old girl who is obsessed with her good looks (Oates 308-309). “Oates effectively portrays a teen-ager who haunts the shopping malls and hamburger joints with other girls just like her, who fights with her mother and feels contempt for her ‘plain and steady’ older sister, and who spends her time ‘thinking, dreaming about the boys she met” (Johnson 99). This popular girl not only likes to hang out with older guys: afterwards they go somewhere private to have sex (Oates 310-311). Her mother rarely asks "Where are you Going?" or "Where have you been?" (311). She does not know what Connie really does when she goes out with her friends because "Everything about her had two sides to it, one for home and one for anywhere that was not home. . . " (309) and when her mother did actually ask questions she ". . .was simple and kindly enough to believe her" (311).
Connie's "wisecracking exterior . . . conceals her insecurity and dreamy romanticism" (Johnson 99); she spends the whole summer dreaming about boys and how wonderful it is to be with them (Oates 312). Oates writes:
Connie sat with her eyes closed in the sun, dreaming and dazed with the warmth about her as if this were a kind of love, the caresses of love, and her mind slipped over onto thoughts of the boy she had been with the night before and how nice it had been, how sweet it always was, not the way someone like June would suppose but sweet, gentle, the way it was in movies and promised in songs. . . . (312)Meeting Arnold Friend was a rude awakening for Connie. She had originally seen him at the drive-in restaurant when she was with another boy (310). When he drives up on a sunny Sunday (312) Friend talks to Connie about the music they are listening to, introduces her to his friend Ellie, and tries to convince her to come on a drive with him (313-314). Connie eventually gives into her fear and presumably goes with Friend (321-323).
Charles Schmid–who bacame known as the Pied Piper of Tucson in a Life Magazine article–did not have only one victim, but three (Moser 19). Alleen Rowe was fifteen when she disappeared (80D; Ramsland 3). She actually discussed things with her mother, who "had lately been concerned about Alleen's friendship with a neighborhood girl named Mary French" (80D). Mary was one of Schmid's girlfriends, so Alleen knew Schmid, too (82; 3). Alleen had mixed feelings about him: "'He's creepy,' she once told her mother, 'he just makes me crawl. But he can be nice when he wants to'" (Rowe qtd. in Moser 82).
One night Schmid, a friend of his named Saunders, and Mary picked Alleen up from her home (82; 3). Mary had convinced her to drive out Golf Links Road to drink in the desert with them (82; 3); Schmid had decided ahead of time to kill Alleen (3). After they had been talking in a wash for a while Mary went back to the car (82; 3). Schmid raped Alleen, then killed her by hitting her in the back of the head with a rock (3). The three friends dug a grave together and buried Alleen in the sand (82; 3). Then they went back to the car and wiped it clean of prints (82; 3). Alleen's mother reported her daughter's disappearance to the police but they believed that her daughter had simply run away (82; 3).
One of Schmid’s other victims was Gretchen Fritz, who he saw for the first time about two months later at a swimming pool (84; 4). Schmid was warned that she was trouble (4), but he liked her so much that he followed her home (84; 4). Schmid would lie about nearly anything to make himself look good or get women to sleep with him (24 ; 2); Gretchen lied just as much (4). Schmid had rich parents who funded his pursuits (80D; 2); Gretchen’s parents were rich, too, and did not approve of her behavior (4). The two eventually dated, and they were wild about each other, but they often argued about the other women he saw (84 ; 4). The details are unclear, but Schmid eventually killed Gretchen, who was seventeen, and her sister Wendy, who was thirteen (19, 87; 3), one night after they had been to a drive-in movie (87). He later buried the two sisters in the desert (87-88; 5) and was eventually convicted of the crimes (7).
Oates chose not to give her readers such a clear-cut ending, but despite some differences the two stories are similar in many ways. Schmid preferred blondes (84) and Connie is blonde (Oates 309). Friend's hair was black (312), the color Schmid dyed his (Moser 23). Friend was barely taller than Connie (Oates 314) and "one of his boots was at a strange angle, as if his foot wasn't in it" (319). Like Schmid (Moser 21-23), Friend's boots were ". . . stuffed with something so that he would seem taller" (Oates 320), he drove a gold car (310; Moser 23), and wore makeup so he appeared to be tanner (319; 23). Connie notes Friend's muscular physique (314); Schmid was a gymnast (21). The biggest difference between the victims is that all of the girls Schmid killed knew him ahead of time while Connie had only seen Friend once before (Oates 310) and while It is clear that Alleen resisted Schmid’s attack (Ramsland 3), it appears that Connie ultimately did not (Oates 321-323).
While Connie was not afraid of Friend at first “. . .the narrative takes a sharp, unexpected turn when Connie is suddenly left alone, separated from her giggling friends and her stern but protective family” (Johnson 100). She was already nervous about being alone (Oates 312), but when she hears a car coming up the drive she becomes self-conscious about her appearance (312). When talking to Friend "She couldn't decide if she liked him or if he was just a jerk, and so she dawdled in the doorway and wouldn't come down or go back inside" (313). At first glance Arnold appears to be a flat and static character, but as his conversation with Connie progresses and warnings start to sound in Connie’s head new aspects to the character unfold. She becomes uneasy because she cannot tell what Friend is looking at while he’s wearing shades (313), he knows her name already (314), and all of his actions just seem a little off (314-316). “He stood there so stiffly relaxed, pretending to be relaxed, with one hand idly on the door handle as if he were keeping himself up that way and had no intention of ever moving again” (316). Like Schmid with Gretchen (Moser 84; Ramsland 4), Friend did his homework before he came to see Connie: he asks questions about her, he follows her home, and knows details about her life before they even meet like her friends’ names (Oates 315), that she was with a guy the night before (317), and that her parents will not be home for hours (318). Friend uses this information to empower himself, to show Connie that she is vulnerable and does not have a chance to escape. In Connie’s moment of crisis Friend coaxes:
I mean, anybody can break through a screen door and glass and wood and iron or anything else if he needs to, anybody at all and specially Arnold Friend. If the place got lit up with a fire hone you’d come runnin’ out into my arms, right into my arms an’ safe at home—like you knew I was your lover and’d stopped fooling around. (319)It slowly becomes clear to Connie that Friend wants her and will not take no for an answer (319-320). In this moment Connie tries to resist but has an epiphany: there is nothing she can do to escape, she is trapped. “Friend’s mesmeric influence on Connie. . represents a superhuman force” (Urbanski). Oates writes:
She cried out, she cried for her mother, she felt her breath start jerking back and forth in her lungs as if it were something Arnold Friend were stabbing her with again and again with no tenderness. . . . She was hollow with what had been fear, but what was now just an emptiness. All that screaming had blasted it out of her. . . .She thought, I'm not going to see my mother again. She thought, I'm not going to sleep in my bed again. (321-322)Friend reiterates this: “The place where you came from ain’t there any more, and where you had in mind to go is canceled out” (322). He lets Connie know that he has the power and she has no choice but come with him else he hurt her loved ones (322). Connie is suddenly initiated with a right of passage that no one would wish to experience.
This initiation story is emblematic of Oates’ stories and “has generally been recognized as uniting Oates's greatest strengths as a short story writer" (Johnson 99). Oates uses realism so we can identify with Connie but "Violence, or the threat of violence, always lurks in the background of her work. Her writing ‘involves conflict between a seemingly settled, peaceful life and a sudden intrusion of violence'. Often the violence is psychological or sexual . . ." (Steinberg). In a world where the most popular programs are crime dramas and news broadcasts that relate violent crimes in vivid detail every day, "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?" may seem tame in comparison but "horror resides in the transformation of what we know best, the intimate and comfortable details of our lives made suddenly threatening" (Sullivan qtd. in Wegs 87) which is exactly what "The Pied Piper" was all about: no one felt safe anymore.
Modern readers are used to receiving a clearly defined ending, but Oates chose to use open denouement, to leave us wondering if Friend followed through on his threats (which he almost certainly did) and if he is still out there hurting someone else. “. . .Oates's ability to absorb and then to transmit in her fiction the terror which is often part of living in America today. . . " (Wegs 87) is what makes her stories seem real and applicable.
Claffey, Charles E. "Chappaquiddick Metaphor." The Boston Globe. 10 April 1992, city edition: METRO/REGION 1. Academic Universe. LexisNexis. 11 April 1992. Tomlinson Library, ID. 29 March 2005. <http://www.lexisnexis. com">.
Johnson, Greg. Understanding Joyce Carol Oates. Columbia: University of South Carolina Press, 1987.
Moser, Don. "The Pied Piper of Tucson." Life. 4 March 1966: 18-24, 80C-90.
Oates, Joyce Carol. "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?" Literature: A Pocket Anthology. Ed. R. S. Gwynn. New York: Pearson Longman, 2005. 308-323.
Ramsland, Katherine. "Charles Schmid: The Pied Piper." Court TV's Crime Library. 2005. 31 March 2005. <http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial2/schmid/index.html>.
Steinberg, Sybil. "Prolific Oates." Publishers Weekly. 13 September 2004. Academic Universe. LexisNexis. 16 September 2004. Tomlinson Library, ID. 29 March 2005.
Urbanski, Marie Mitchell Olesen. “Existential Allegory: Joyce Carol Oates ‘Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?’” Studies in Short Fiction. Gale Database. Spring 1978. 31 March 2005. <http://galenet.galegroup.com/servlet/GLD/>.
Wegs, Joyce M. "'Don't You Know Who I Am?' The Grotesque in Oates's 'Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?'" Critical Essays on Joyce Carol Oates. Ed. Linda W. Wagner. Boston: G. K. Hall & Co., 1979. 87-92.
Saturday, April 16, 2005
life verse
I waited patiently for the LORD to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry.
~ Psalm 40:1 (NLT)
~ Psalm 40:1 (NLT)
Never Shut Up and dark fire merge
Yep, i've deleted the Never Shut Up blog. I've archived all the NSU posts here and now the two blogs are one. Lately it's hard for me to decide whether or not it is a godly sentiment for me to say "i never shut up." It's also been hard for me to write here at dark fire: i'm tired of this blog only being doom and gloom. I'm going to try to start posting more even if it's only the lyrics to songs that are stuck in my head, or verses that touch my life, or quotes that i like. Last October i was posting tons: i'm going to try to keep this blog up and continue to expand my topics.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
As You DisLike It
Last night i was sitting around backstage, waiting to help in the momentary mad rush or changing the two female leads, and it struck me how much it stunk to be where i was and yet i was too tired to care. I had a book to read, music to listen to, and nothing else to do but wait for this and clean up. All i had to do at home was watch some TV, but i didn't care to be there or anywhere else. I'm really trying hard to tread water against the current that threatens to suck me down. I'm not depressed anymore: i'm too busy to be depressed. I'm trying to hold on to hope but i'm sort of too busy to do that anymore, either. The episode with my S.S. teacher really messed me up, but i try not to think of it (though it sometimes enters my dreams). I haven't recovered from daylight savings time change but what's new? I just try to keep hoping and dreaming and somehow get through it all. "Lord i know the only way is through this ~ Lord i know, i need You to help me do this." Gotta go to class.
stuck in my head
pilgrim, how you journey ~ on the road you chose ~ to find out why the winds die ~ and where the stories go ~ all days come from one day ~ that much you must know ~ you cannot change what's over ~ but only where you go
one way leads to diamonds ~ one way leads to gold ~ another leads you only ~ to everything you're told ~ in your heart you wonder ~ which of these is true ~ the road that leads to nowhere ~ the road that leads to you
will you find the answer ~ in all you say and do? ~ will you find the answer ~ in you?
each heart is a pilgrim ~ each one wants to know ~ the reason why the winds die ~ and where the stories go ~ pilgrim, in your journey ~ you may travel far ~ for pilgrim it's a long way ~ to find out who you are
pilgrim, it's a long way ~ to find out who you are ~ pilgrim, it's a long way ~ to find out who you are
~ Enya's "Pilgrim"
one way leads to diamonds ~ one way leads to gold ~ another leads you only ~ to everything you're told ~ in your heart you wonder ~ which of these is true ~ the road that leads to nowhere ~ the road that leads to you
will you find the answer ~ in all you say and do? ~ will you find the answer ~ in you?
each heart is a pilgrim ~ each one wants to know ~ the reason why the winds die ~ and where the stories go ~ pilgrim, in your journey ~ you may travel far ~ for pilgrim it's a long way ~ to find out who you are
pilgrim, it's a long way ~ to find out who you are ~ pilgrim, it's a long way ~ to find out who you are
~ Enya's "Pilgrim"
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
silence doesn't mean i don't care ~ NSU post #29
I wish i could write here more. I have been so busy with school and so overwhelmed that i feel like i'm being pulled apart at the seems. I'll try to give a little update:
My ex-teacher still won't talk to me; i now have a mentor who says that he should be the one to initiate anything but he doesn't. It's his fault and his problem. I've tried to let go of it but it's hard. My parents class (which i have been attending) has been growing and thriving. I've heard rumors that his class has been, too.
Allergies have been bad for me this year. I sang in the Easter "Musical" at church (it was more like a contata with narration) and a concert with the Women's Chorus at school. WC has another concert in two weeks where we sing Stabat Mater and other music.
I had two midterms last week and a research paper that i didn't have enough time to do. Our teacher moved back the due date, which has put some pressure off, but our final paper is going to be killer trying to get out because of it. I don't know how i'm going to get everything done.
I haven't had time for a job so it's just as well that i haven't found one. Except for the fact that my father (who once said that if i went to college i wouldn't have to work) now is pressuring me to find a job. I do not have the time and i know i couldn't deal with the stress if it was a bad work environment like most of the jobs i've had.
I want to go to school in Hawai'i next year but it would cost a lot more. I don't know if i should stay here. I know i can't go to Biola this year and am worried about letters of recommendation when/if i finally apply there again.
I've been driving my parents car for months because i can't get the title for my car... not that i have the money to pay for that or plates or insurance.
I babysit for a family friend one-four times a month and only charge her $20 for an overnight stay. I know she thinks that's a lot but i know that in high school the going rate for someone my age to babysit was $16-24 an hour.
Snowboarding is over and my body has been bleah since but i don't know how to find the time to go to the gym.
I have been very overwhelmed. I alternate between being mad at God and putting my trust fully in Him. I don't know how to get through each day and am surprised at the end of each day. I'm not thriving, i'm barely getting by, and i don't know how to change that. Part of this is that i can't write here or work on my website.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince comes out July 16th and i'm getting excited. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire will be in theaters in November (it's my favorite book of the series so i'm apprehensive and wonder if they can do it justice with 2 1/2 hours).
Star Wars episode three comes out right after my sister's birthday. Her baby is due in July and her husband will be going to Korea for a year (alone). She's been pretty stressed lately herself.
I'm still here in the dark, waiting, trying to tell myself that just because God has been silent doesn't mean He doesn't care.
My ex-teacher still won't talk to me; i now have a mentor who says that he should be the one to initiate anything but he doesn't. It's his fault and his problem. I've tried to let go of it but it's hard. My parents class (which i have been attending) has been growing and thriving. I've heard rumors that his class has been, too.
Allergies have been bad for me this year. I sang in the Easter "Musical" at church (it was more like a contata with narration) and a concert with the Women's Chorus at school. WC has another concert in two weeks where we sing Stabat Mater and other music.
I had two midterms last week and a research paper that i didn't have enough time to do. Our teacher moved back the due date, which has put some pressure off, but our final paper is going to be killer trying to get out because of it. I don't know how i'm going to get everything done.
I haven't had time for a job so it's just as well that i haven't found one. Except for the fact that my father (who once said that if i went to college i wouldn't have to work) now is pressuring me to find a job. I do not have the time and i know i couldn't deal with the stress if it was a bad work environment like most of the jobs i've had.
I want to go to school in Hawai'i next year but it would cost a lot more. I don't know if i should stay here. I know i can't go to Biola this year and am worried about letters of recommendation when/if i finally apply there again.
I've been driving my parents car for months because i can't get the title for my car... not that i have the money to pay for that or plates or insurance.
I babysit for a family friend one-four times a month and only charge her $20 for an overnight stay. I know she thinks that's a lot but i know that in high school the going rate for someone my age to babysit was $16-24 an hour.
Snowboarding is over and my body has been bleah since but i don't know how to find the time to go to the gym.
I have been very overwhelmed. I alternate between being mad at God and putting my trust fully in Him. I don't know how to get through each day and am surprised at the end of each day. I'm not thriving, i'm barely getting by, and i don't know how to change that. Part of this is that i can't write here or work on my website.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince comes out July 16th and i'm getting excited. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire will be in theaters in November (it's my favorite book of the series so i'm apprehensive and wonder if they can do it justice with 2 1/2 hours).
Star Wars episode three comes out right after my sister's birthday. Her baby is due in July and her husband will be going to Korea for a year (alone). She's been pretty stressed lately herself.
I'm still here in the dark, waiting, trying to tell myself that just because God has been silent doesn't mean He doesn't care.
Symptom #1 has reared its ugly head... ~ NSU post #28
...in a new and unpredictable way and won. Terri Schiavo has been murdered and it was totally legal. I know that this is a controversial subject and there are those who wish that those of us who are vocal about this issue to just shut up but i have to speak out about this. I'll try to be brief:
the judicial system let Terri down
it sided with a husband who was possibly abusive
it refused her therapy
it refused to acknowledge that her medical condition had been misclassified (as in a coma instead of just brain damaged)
it refused to hear any new evidence or admit that it might have made a mistake
and so they made an even bigger one
Michael Schiavo's attorney said that Terri was beautiful and at peace and comfortable while she was dying. I find this hard to believe. How comfortable can it be to slowly starve to death, without even water to ease your parched mouth? I've been led to believe that it's torture.
Mr. Schiavo suddenly remembered that his wife once said she didn't want to be kept alive like this seven years after her condition began. A friend from high school came forward and said that Terri once chewed her out for telling a demeaning joke about someone in a coma and said she would want to stay alive if it happened to her. Several doctors and nurses have said that Terri wasn't in a coma and that she could have recovered in her own way. A guy in my American Government class says he went to high school with a boy who was in a condition like Terri's.
Her husband would even let her parents be with her as she died. Sure there was music and flowers, etc., but his whole premise/argument in court was that she didn't know what was going on around her so why did he bother? I think she was aware and in pain. I think she was afraid of her husband and it was for a reason. I think he is a jerk and should be prosecuted for breaking the law: for abusing her and living with another woman while he was still married to Terri (both are illegal in Florida). I doubt justice will ever be served.
From all i've heard and read a great crime was committed here and it scares me that so few seem to care.
the judicial system let Terri down
it sided with a husband who was possibly abusive
it refused her therapy
it refused to acknowledge that her medical condition had been misclassified (as in a coma instead of just brain damaged)
it refused to hear any new evidence or admit that it might have made a mistake
and so they made an even bigger one
Michael Schiavo's attorney said that Terri was beautiful and at peace and comfortable while she was dying. I find this hard to believe. How comfortable can it be to slowly starve to death, without even water to ease your parched mouth? I've been led to believe that it's torture.
Mr. Schiavo suddenly remembered that his wife once said she didn't want to be kept alive like this seven years after her condition began. A friend from high school came forward and said that Terri once chewed her out for telling a demeaning joke about someone in a coma and said she would want to stay alive if it happened to her. Several doctors and nurses have said that Terri wasn't in a coma and that she could have recovered in her own way. A guy in my American Government class says he went to high school with a boy who was in a condition like Terri's.
Her husband would even let her parents be with her as she died. Sure there was music and flowers, etc., but his whole premise/argument in court was that she didn't know what was going on around her so why did he bother? I think she was aware and in pain. I think she was afraid of her husband and it was for a reason. I think he is a jerk and should be prosecuted for breaking the law: for abusing her and living with another woman while he was still married to Terri (both are illegal in Florida). I doubt justice will ever be served.
From all i've heard and read a great crime was committed here and it scares me that so few seem to care.
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