Let me hear of your unfailing love to me in the morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I have come to you in prayer.
~ Psalm 143:8 (NLT)
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Why I recommend "izze"
by ambercatgoddess
This is great! 100% juice in carbonated water that is so yummy and with great fruit combinations. i wish i had the money to buy this more often!
A story about "Coca-Cola Classic"
by Coca-Cola
Coca-Cola is, by far, my favorite soft drink. i’m not addicted to it, but i do like to drink it because it tastes good and makes me feel better. i was addicted to it in high school but i still go through periods of time where i don’t drink a Coke for weeks or cut back to one can a day. But even when i gave it up for a year (limiting myself to one can a week tops) i didn’t lose any weight even though i was on a diet and exercising six days a week. So i definitely recommend Coke, but if it’s not your thing then don’t drink it: leave more for me. (;
"They picked the wrong poor people to mess with..."
So i said to my sister as she introduced me to this film for the first time. Most American action films have funny moments but aren’t made to be comedies. I guess that’s why this movie seemed so different to me. It had good plot, fighting, and humor. I definitely recommend this film to anyone! Well made and well enjoyed and full of several quotable lines that i have no idea if they are true translations.
“If you think you can blackmail me well you can just forget it!”
now i have to learn how to play
My sister and i loved Kung Fu Hustle so much that we had to go out and get this (which we had been told was a sequel). Well, it’s not a sequel, and it is corny, but it is a reasonably good film. It was predictable but funny for the most part. I love how the special effects are blended into the jokes. And now i really want to learn how to play the game. Fun movie to check out.
first foray with Koontz
by Dean Koontz
Wow, this was a good book. I haven’t been able to sleep well for the past week but this book got me through it. It was scary without being too scary and (i don’t want to ruin it for those of you who haven’t read it) has a good ending. I like how he blended faith into the life of the characters and the entire premise of the book. This would make a good movie, too. Will definitely be reading more Koontz in the future. (:
Dark Documentary
Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker's Apocalypse (1991)
Directed by Fax Bahr, George Hickenlooper, Eleanor Coppola
Cinematography by Larry Carney, Shana Hagan, Igor Meglic, Steven Wacks
Hearts of Darkness is an interview and direct-cinema documentary. A lot of the footage was shot while Apocalypse Now was being shot but is interspersed with interviews behind the scenes, both filmed at the time and after the film’s release. Eleanor Coppola filmed footage for the documentary as her husband was directing Apocalypse; she even taped conversations between herself and her husband about the film without his knowledge. Both then and later he was interviewed for the documentary, but he did not interfere in the direction it took. This film is also enhanced with revealing behind the scene interviews with cast and crew such as George Lucas (who was originally set to direct Apocalypse), John Milius (who co-wrote the screenplay), and Martin Sheen (who starred as Willard).
Hearts follows a narrative form, explaining to the viewer the steps in the process of getting the book Hearts of Darkness into script form, finding financial backing from a studio, and what it took to film Apocalypse Now on location. Eleanor Coppola’s narration provides insight into her husband’s life as she shares what he went through emotionally as a result of the difficulties he experienced while directing the film.
As a fan of “Making of” documentaries and special features on DVDs I didn’t learn much about the logistics of making a film while watching this one. I have yet to watch Apocalypse Now but I think that the insight this documentary provides will be in the forefront of my mind when I finally do. Hearts of Darkness emphasizes the emotional and spiritual journey of a cast and crew in a way that is rare in Hollywood. I think that it sheds light on the way the film industry works and its weaknesses. The documentary also makes it clear that sometimes the director isn’t really in charge and that it can be nearly impossible to finish something, not for lack of trying, but because it is simply out of one’s hands.
Directed by Fax Bahr, George Hickenlooper, Eleanor Coppola
Cinematography by Larry Carney, Shana Hagan, Igor Meglic, Steven Wacks
Hearts of Darkness is an interview and direct-cinema documentary. A lot of the footage was shot while Apocalypse Now was being shot but is interspersed with interviews behind the scenes, both filmed at the time and after the film’s release. Eleanor Coppola filmed footage for the documentary as her husband was directing Apocalypse; she even taped conversations between herself and her husband about the film without his knowledge. Both then and later he was interviewed for the documentary, but he did not interfere in the direction it took. This film is also enhanced with revealing behind the scene interviews with cast and crew such as George Lucas (who was originally set to direct Apocalypse), John Milius (who co-wrote the screenplay), and Martin Sheen (who starred as Willard).
Hearts follows a narrative form, explaining to the viewer the steps in the process of getting the book Hearts of Darkness into script form, finding financial backing from a studio, and what it took to film Apocalypse Now on location. Eleanor Coppola’s narration provides insight into her husband’s life as she shares what he went through emotionally as a result of the difficulties he experienced while directing the film.
As a fan of “Making of” documentaries and special features on DVDs I didn’t learn much about the logistics of making a film while watching this one. I have yet to watch Apocalypse Now but I think that the insight this documentary provides will be in the forefront of my mind when I finally do. Hearts of Darkness emphasizes the emotional and spiritual journey of a cast and crew in a way that is rare in Hollywood. I think that it sheds light on the way the film industry works and its weaknesses. The documentary also makes it clear that sometimes the director isn’t really in charge and that it can be nearly impossible to finish something, not for lack of trying, but because it is simply out of one’s hands.
Monday, March 27, 2006
what i'm knitting ~ tankini top
what i'm listening to ~ The Taking by Dean Koontz
what i'm reading ~ Xenocide by Orson Scott Card
what i'm writing ~ a few things here and there, mostly schoolwork d:
So i've started blogging more at MySpace. i guess i feel free to be silly there but not here. Here i'm more serious: more honest about real life. Most of all, i don't know what to do, i don't know what to write because i don't know how to analyze my life and circumstances, i am lost. It's weird for me. i feel like the main character in The Taking who believes in God but isn't inclined to pray for what she wants because she's afraid He'll give her the opposite to what she's asking for. This is ridiculous and false, i know, but it's still how i feel. If praying hasn't worked after seven years, three months, and sixteen days how am i supposed to believe that it will now? Yet i do. i don't know what to ask for anymore, what to see, all i know is that i need Him. i'm helpless, paralyzed, overcome by the dark. i hope i can become a phoenix being reborn from the ashes. But when will that happen? If i await with baited breath, will i not pass out? There are no easy answers to these questions. i feel selfish and small to ask them. But i don't know how to be anyone else anymore.
what i'm listening to ~ The Taking by Dean Koontz
what i'm reading ~ Xenocide by Orson Scott Card
what i'm writing ~ a few things here and there, mostly schoolwork d:
So i've started blogging more at MySpace. i guess i feel free to be silly there but not here. Here i'm more serious: more honest about real life. Most of all, i don't know what to do, i don't know what to write because i don't know how to analyze my life and circumstances, i am lost. It's weird for me. i feel like the main character in The Taking who believes in God but isn't inclined to pray for what she wants because she's afraid He'll give her the opposite to what she's asking for. This is ridiculous and false, i know, but it's still how i feel. If praying hasn't worked after seven years, three months, and sixteen days how am i supposed to believe that it will now? Yet i do. i don't know what to ask for anymore, what to see, all i know is that i need Him. i'm helpless, paralyzed, overcome by the dark. i hope i can become a phoenix being reborn from the ashes. But when will that happen? If i await with baited breath, will i not pass out? There are no easy answers to these questions. i feel selfish and small to ask them. But i don't know how to be anyone else anymore.
life verse
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you.
~ 1 Peter 5:7 (NLT)
~ 1 Peter 5:7 (NLT)
Saturday, March 25, 2006
to shave or not to shave, that is the question
| to shave or not to shave, that is the question | ||||||||||||||||||
Natalie Portman looks hot with a buzz cut... should Kristi take the leap herself?
Total Votes: 3 |
"No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German Army by fighting it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of the wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yield to temptation, is the only man who knows to the full what temptation means-the only complete realist."
~ C.S. Lewis Mere Christianity
~ C.S. Lewis Mere Christianity
Friday, March 24, 2006
life verse
Humble yourselves before God. Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you.
~ James 4:7 (NLT)
~ James 4:7 (NLT)
Thursday, March 23, 2006
i am a phoenix in ashes, waiting
o God hold me now ~ o Lord hold me now ~ there's no other man who could raise the dead ~ so do what You can to annoint my head
o God where are You now? ~ o Lord say somehow ~ Da Da Da Da Da Da ~ Da Da Da Da Da Da ~ Da Da Da Da Da Da... Da Da
o God hold me now ~ o God touch me now ~ there's no other man who could save the day ~ there's no other god who could raise the dead ~ Da Da Da Da Da Da ~ Da Da Da Da Da Da ~ Da Da Da Da Da Da... Da Da
~ O God, Where Are You Now? by David Crowder Band
Phoenix: 1. A bird in Egyptian mythology that lived in the desert for 500 years and then consumed itself by fire, later to rise renewed from its ashes. 2. A person or thing of unsurpassed excellence or beauty; a paragon.
"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is upon me, because the LORD has appointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to announce that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the LORD's favor has come, and with it, the day of God's anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel, He will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the LORD has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for His own glory. They will rebuild the ancient ruins, repairing cities long ago destroyed. They will revive them, though they have been empty for many generations. Foreigners will be your servants. They will feed your flocks and plow your fields and tend your vineyards. You will be called priests of the LORD, ministers of our God. You will be fed with the treasures of the nations and will boast in their riches. Instead of shame and dishonor, you will inherit a double portion of prosperity and everlasting joy. 'For I, the LORD, love justice. I hate robbery and wrongdoing. I will faithfully reward my people for their suffering and make an everlasting covenant with them. Their descendants will be known and honored among the nations. Everyone will realize that they are a people the LORD has blessed.' I am overwhelmed with joy in the LORD my God! For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation and draped me in a robe of righteousness. I am like a bridegroom in his wedding suit or a bride with her jewels. The Sovereign LORD will show his justice to the nations of the world. Everyone will praise him! His righteousness will be like a garden in early spring, filled with young plants springing up everywhere."
~ Isaiah 61 (NLT)
o God where are You now? ~ o Lord say somehow ~ Da Da Da Da Da Da ~ Da Da Da Da Da Da ~ Da Da Da Da Da Da... Da Da
o God hold me now ~ o God touch me now ~ there's no other man who could save the day ~ there's no other god who could raise the dead ~ Da Da Da Da Da Da ~ Da Da Da Da Da Da ~ Da Da Da Da Da Da... Da Da
~ O God, Where Are You Now? by David Crowder Band
Phoenix: 1. A bird in Egyptian mythology that lived in the desert for 500 years and then consumed itself by fire, later to rise renewed from its ashes. 2. A person or thing of unsurpassed excellence or beauty; a paragon.
"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is upon me, because the LORD has appointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to announce that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the LORD's favor has come, and with it, the day of God's anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel, He will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the LORD has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for His own glory. They will rebuild the ancient ruins, repairing cities long ago destroyed. They will revive them, though they have been empty for many generations. Foreigners will be your servants. They will feed your flocks and plow your fields and tend your vineyards. You will be called priests of the LORD, ministers of our God. You will be fed with the treasures of the nations and will boast in their riches. Instead of shame and dishonor, you will inherit a double portion of prosperity and everlasting joy. 'For I, the LORD, love justice. I hate robbery and wrongdoing. I will faithfully reward my people for their suffering and make an everlasting covenant with them. Their descendants will be known and honored among the nations. Everyone will realize that they are a people the LORD has blessed.' I am overwhelmed with joy in the LORD my God! For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation and draped me in a robe of righteousness. I am like a bridegroom in his wedding suit or a bride with her jewels. The Sovereign LORD will show his justice to the nations of the world. Everyone will praise him! His righteousness will be like a garden in early spring, filled with young plants springing up everywhere."
~ Isaiah 61 (NLT)
life verse
I refresh the humble and give new courage to those with repentant hearts.
~ Isaiah 57:15 (NLT)
~ Isaiah 57:15 (NLT)
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
life verse
Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.
~ Hebrews 10:36 (NLT)
~ Hebrews 10:36 (NLT)
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Lost Treasure
The Treasure of Sierra Madre (1948)
Directed by John Huston
Cinematography by Ted McCord
1. Several explicitly presented events are how Dobbs (Humphrey Bogart) is down on his luck, meets Curtin and Howard (Tim Holt and Walter Huston), and descends into insanity. One presumed and inferred fact is that Howard is an able prospector who capably tutors Dobbs and Curtin in the art (he tells stories of successes, but Curtin and Howard had to trust that he was telling the truth in order to form a partnership). Another presumed fact is that Curtin safely makes it to Texas after the film is over. There isn’t really any nondiegetic material in the Treasure’s plot.
2. The earliest story event we learn of is Howard’s bad luck prospecting. His relating of the story in the shelter is the cause of the trio’s partnership and subsequent events.
3. There is only one manipulation of time in The Treasure of Sierra Madre: Curtin’s flashback to how he escaped Dobbs. All other events are in order and are portrayed only once.
4. The closing of the film relies on the plot’s straight-forward development of events from the beginning to end. The only narrative line that doesn’t truly receive closure is Curtin’s: does he get to Texas safely? Does the law catch up with him before he reaches the border? What kind of reception does he receive if he gets there? These facts must all be assumed by the viewer.
5. The viewer sees everything through the eyes of the three main characters: we are restricted to their knowledge. The events leaving up to the climax of the story are all caused by Dobbs’ mental state.
6. This film closely follows the conventions of Hollywood cinema and the western genre.
Directed by John Huston
Cinematography by Ted McCord
1. Several explicitly presented events are how Dobbs (Humphrey Bogart) is down on his luck, meets Curtin and Howard (Tim Holt and Walter Huston), and descends into insanity. One presumed and inferred fact is that Howard is an able prospector who capably tutors Dobbs and Curtin in the art (he tells stories of successes, but Curtin and Howard had to trust that he was telling the truth in order to form a partnership). Another presumed fact is that Curtin safely makes it to Texas after the film is over. There isn’t really any nondiegetic material in the Treasure’s plot.
2. The earliest story event we learn of is Howard’s bad luck prospecting. His relating of the story in the shelter is the cause of the trio’s partnership and subsequent events.
3. There is only one manipulation of time in The Treasure of Sierra Madre: Curtin’s flashback to how he escaped Dobbs. All other events are in order and are portrayed only once.
4. The closing of the film relies on the plot’s straight-forward development of events from the beginning to end. The only narrative line that doesn’t truly receive closure is Curtin’s: does he get to Texas safely? Does the law catch up with him before he reaches the border? What kind of reception does he receive if he gets there? These facts must all be assumed by the viewer.
5. The viewer sees everything through the eyes of the three main characters: we are restricted to their knowledge. The events leaving up to the climax of the story are all caused by Dobbs’ mental state.
6. This film closely follows the conventions of Hollywood cinema and the western genre.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
maybe it was worth it
by Clive Cussler
I have trouble finding time to read fiction right now (i’m a college student) so i’ve taken to listening to books on tape/cd while i’m trying to fall asleep. I’ve been meaning to read Sahara since i saw the movie at the drive-in and finally got the book on tape. First off, i hate it when they abridge books, and this book was abridged, which i had guessed because there were only two tapes but didn’t know for certain until the book was over (it wasn’t on the package, it wasn’t in the spiel at the beginning, only the one at the end). Secondly, the action is the book is fine (though typically unrealistic like most action movies today, i like this genre) but the dialog stinks. Cussler knows how to write a good adventure story i guess but the exposition is not handled well. Several things are just corny.
Overall, i like the movie a lot better. This is one time where i think that the changes from the book made sense and made the story better. Zahn is a better Giordino than the one in the book who just doesn’t have the same depth. Cruz’ character is not really that much like the female lead in the book (her name escapes me at the moment) but she made a good performance and, once again, i can understand the changes. I like the casting of Matthew McConaughey and William H. Macy but they also aren’t exactly like their characters. Anyways, it was an interesting contrast but i think i’ll stick to the dvd.
Incidentally, i found it odd that the Lincoln subplot was totally left out of the film.
paralyzed
partially written 06021.6, not completed until now
The trick to not feeling absolutely crushed is focusing on God. It's difficult to do this when i cannot see, hear, or feel Him, but i remember Him, i know Him. He loves me; i have faith that He's allowing all of this to happen to me so i can become a better person, so He can be glorified in my life, so He can use me in the way He chooses. It doesn't matter what i want, it matters what He wants.
It's so hard to hold onto that, to make sure that i hold all of that hope in my mind. Having hope is a struggle to me now. It blows me away that He trusts me enough to leave me in this place for over seven years when i feel lik i don't even have the strength to get through each day.
I'm not perfect, i'm making a fool of myself. I try so hard, but i end up trying to ignore all my hopes, dreams, and spiritual pursuits just so i can get through a day with a positive attitude. I constantly feel paralyzed, like even if i try to lift myself up off the ground it's an exercise in futility. i don't like who i am becoming, i don't see how this is glorifying Him, and it makes me impatient and angry and selfish. All i want is to serve Him and that just gets stripped away.
It's hard for me to write about this: i don't want anyone to know about the mask i still end up wearing despite my best efforts, i don't want to hurt anyone, i don't want anyone to know how weak i am when i have fought so very hard.
i often wonder if people have any idea how much they hurt me with their words and attitudes. i keep trying to forgive and forget instead of letting this pain rule me or control me but i always fail. i'm too angry now, i've nearly succumbed to the thing i've been fighting against for longer than i can remember. i don't want to be angry or impatient or demanding; i only want to be rooted in Jesus and be like Him. i want to be patient, have empathy. i don't always understand other people, i don't always listen to them because i'm so defensive. i'm tired of being hurt and don't want to clam up but don't know how to put my heart on the line anymore.
In Sunday school a couple of weeks ago we talked about doubt, about figuring out God's will for one life. That was when it became clear to me that my faith has slipped away from me and i haven't even been trying to find God anymore. i guess i thought that if i ignored Him it would be all right because He's been ignoring me (from my perspective). One of the topics in the lesson was the argument in Experiencing God that no one should be focusing on "what's God's will for my life" because that's selfish and focused on me. Blackaby writes that we should look for where God is already working and "join" Him there. i've always had issue with this entire idea. How is God going to start working in new places if we're only looking for where He is already working? How is it humble to assume that we are supposed to go in and start working on or changing some ministry that we saw God blessing? How can anyone think that it's wrong to seek God's will?!?
i then realized that i have been sinning in this because i've been assuming/dreaming that God could use me in the cast of shows like Star Trek Voyager, Dark Angel, Enterprise, and (i have just recently starting thinking about) Lost. My prayer has always been "Lord, Your will, not mine", but it was still presumptious of me. i know i can only act if God wants me to, but who am i to assume that i should go butt in over there? Maybe God has something totally different in mind for me.
So i'm paralyzed again. i didn't realize that i'd been trying to do it on my own, but i was. "Why not?" i reasoned, "He's not leading me anyway." So i go and ignore my intuition and i try to do things my own way for a while but it still doesn't work. i knew that already, why was i such a fool? If i can't do things with God then how in the heck am i supposed to do it with Him, either? i hate feeling like this: useless, dirty, selfish. No matter how selfless i am it's never enough, there's still the selfish part of me fighting for dominance, and i don't even have any self confidence. All my confidence has been in Christ and so i'm paralyzed.
The trick to not feeling absolutely paralyzingly crushed is to focus on Jesus... but how am i supposed to do that when i can't see, hear, or feel Him? i don't know how to talk to Him anymore. i don't remember who He is anymore, i don't know if i ever knew, and i don't really know what His will is. He doesn't say and my intuition just tells me to go crawl into a hole and give up now. It's so hard not to give up, to have even a sliver of hope or a mustard seed of faith. How can God trust me at all? i'm nothing.
The trick to not feeling absolutely crushed is focusing on God. It's difficult to do this when i cannot see, hear, or feel Him, but i remember Him, i know Him. He loves me; i have faith that He's allowing all of this to happen to me so i can become a better person, so He can be glorified in my life, so He can use me in the way He chooses. It doesn't matter what i want, it matters what He wants.
It's so hard to hold onto that, to make sure that i hold all of that hope in my mind. Having hope is a struggle to me now. It blows me away that He trusts me enough to leave me in this place for over seven years when i feel lik i don't even have the strength to get through each day.
I'm not perfect, i'm making a fool of myself. I try so hard, but i end up trying to ignore all my hopes, dreams, and spiritual pursuits just so i can get through a day with a positive attitude. I constantly feel paralyzed, like even if i try to lift myself up off the ground it's an exercise in futility. i don't like who i am becoming, i don't see how this is glorifying Him, and it makes me impatient and angry and selfish. All i want is to serve Him and that just gets stripped away.
It's hard for me to write about this: i don't want anyone to know about the mask i still end up wearing despite my best efforts, i don't want to hurt anyone, i don't want anyone to know how weak i am when i have fought so very hard.
i often wonder if people have any idea how much they hurt me with their words and attitudes. i keep trying to forgive and forget instead of letting this pain rule me or control me but i always fail. i'm too angry now, i've nearly succumbed to the thing i've been fighting against for longer than i can remember. i don't want to be angry or impatient or demanding; i only want to be rooted in Jesus and be like Him. i want to be patient, have empathy. i don't always understand other people, i don't always listen to them because i'm so defensive. i'm tired of being hurt and don't want to clam up but don't know how to put my heart on the line anymore.
In Sunday school a couple of weeks ago we talked about doubt, about figuring out God's will for one life. That was when it became clear to me that my faith has slipped away from me and i haven't even been trying to find God anymore. i guess i thought that if i ignored Him it would be all right because He's been ignoring me (from my perspective). One of the topics in the lesson was the argument in Experiencing God that no one should be focusing on "what's God's will for my life" because that's selfish and focused on me. Blackaby writes that we should look for where God is already working and "join" Him there. i've always had issue with this entire idea. How is God going to start working in new places if we're only looking for where He is already working? How is it humble to assume that we are supposed to go in and start working on or changing some ministry that we saw God blessing? How can anyone think that it's wrong to seek God's will?!?
i then realized that i have been sinning in this because i've been assuming/dreaming that God could use me in the cast of shows like Star Trek Voyager, Dark Angel, Enterprise, and (i have just recently starting thinking about) Lost. My prayer has always been "Lord, Your will, not mine", but it was still presumptious of me. i know i can only act if God wants me to, but who am i to assume that i should go butt in over there? Maybe God has something totally different in mind for me.
So i'm paralyzed again. i didn't realize that i'd been trying to do it on my own, but i was. "Why not?" i reasoned, "He's not leading me anyway." So i go and ignore my intuition and i try to do things my own way for a while but it still doesn't work. i knew that already, why was i such a fool? If i can't do things with God then how in the heck am i supposed to do it with Him, either? i hate feeling like this: useless, dirty, selfish. No matter how selfless i am it's never enough, there's still the selfish part of me fighting for dominance, and i don't even have any self confidence. All my confidence has been in Christ and so i'm paralyzed.
The trick to not feeling absolutely paralyzingly crushed is to focus on Jesus... but how am i supposed to do that when i can't see, hear, or feel Him? i don't know how to talk to Him anymore. i don't remember who He is anymore, i don't know if i ever knew, and i don't really know what His will is. He doesn't say and my intuition just tells me to go crawl into a hole and give up now. It's so hard not to give up, to have even a sliver of hope or a mustard seed of faith. How can God trust me at all? i'm nothing.
Monday, March 06, 2006
wow
This blog just had it's third anniversary and i didn't even realize it. i can't believe i've been blogging for so long.
Memos Gone Awry
Memento (2000)
Directed by Jonathan Nolan
Cinematography by Wally Pfister
The functions of Sammy Jankis in Memento are myriad and confusing. While almost all of the flashbacks in the film are shown in order backwards, Leonard Shelby’s (Guy Pierce) relating of the story of Jankis (Stephen Tobolowsky) is sprinkled throughout chaotically and appears to be in order.
The viewer learns more about Shelby’s disease (Korsakoff’s Psychosis or Amnesic-Confabulatory Syndrome) through the story of Jankis. One gets to observe Shelby as a successful insurance investigator who is good at his job. Shelby probably tells the story of Jankis to remind himself–and the show people he meets–that he once contributed to society as a man who was whole when his memory in tact. Simultaneously the viewer develops more empathy for him when they see who he was compared to who he has become and thus what he has lost. Seeing Jankis–who is incapable of caring for himself–compared to Shelby while he is continuing and ongoing investigation creates a stark contrast.
The viewer never finds out for certain whether Jankis is real or not this contributes to one’s confusion while watching the film. Did Shelby really investigate a client named Sammy Jankis (coincidentally someone who had the same condition that he now has), or did he make the story up? If Shelby did make up the story up when did he do it? How can he really remember the story if he cannot form new memories anymore? When Jankis is revealed at the conclusion of his story, sitting dazed in an asylum, the figure of Shelby is flashed for a moment. This poses the question: was Shelby in an institution himself at one point? If so, he obviously escaped or was released at some point. Furthermore, does Shelby know that he is lying every time he tells the story of Sammy Jankis? Perhaps Shelby’s problem is psychological and he doesn’t really have the condition, just as it was for Jankis. On the other hand maybe he really can remember and just acts this way as an alibi (though this last option seems extremely unlikely). None of these questions are answered in the film: the viewer is forced to draw their own conclusions.
The last question posed by the Jankis story is who Shelby is telling the story to. The most likely assumption is that Shelby is telling Teddy (Joe Pantoliano), but there is no concrete evidence of this fact. Teddy claims that he was the one, but can we trust Teddy? Throughout the film we are reminded: “DON’T BELIEVE HIS LIES.” No matter who was on the other end of the phone, it doesn’t make any sense. Teddy says that Shelby will tell the Jankis story to anyone who will listen, that he’s heard it repeatedly, so why is he threatening Shelby in order to hear it yet again? There is no clear reason for anyone to be threatening Shelby in this manner when he won’t remember it in five minutes.
It is difficult for me to reconcile the fact that Jankis never existed, but that still seems the most plausible answer. But that must mean that Shelby is able to form some new memories and selectively forget others. In real life this would pose some very interesting questions. Shelby is obviously able to function in society, but he is also obviously dangerous. Whatever the “truth,” Memento is a sad story and great brain tickler that just makes one stop and think.
Directed by Jonathan Nolan
Cinematography by Wally Pfister
The functions of Sammy Jankis in Memento are myriad and confusing. While almost all of the flashbacks in the film are shown in order backwards, Leonard Shelby’s (Guy Pierce) relating of the story of Jankis (Stephen Tobolowsky) is sprinkled throughout chaotically and appears to be in order.
The viewer learns more about Shelby’s disease (Korsakoff’s Psychosis or Amnesic-Confabulatory Syndrome) through the story of Jankis. One gets to observe Shelby as a successful insurance investigator who is good at his job. Shelby probably tells the story of Jankis to remind himself–and the show people he meets–that he once contributed to society as a man who was whole when his memory in tact. Simultaneously the viewer develops more empathy for him when they see who he was compared to who he has become and thus what he has lost. Seeing Jankis–who is incapable of caring for himself–compared to Shelby while he is continuing and ongoing investigation creates a stark contrast.
The viewer never finds out for certain whether Jankis is real or not this contributes to one’s confusion while watching the film. Did Shelby really investigate a client named Sammy Jankis (coincidentally someone who had the same condition that he now has), or did he make the story up? If Shelby did make up the story up when did he do it? How can he really remember the story if he cannot form new memories anymore? When Jankis is revealed at the conclusion of his story, sitting dazed in an asylum, the figure of Shelby is flashed for a moment. This poses the question: was Shelby in an institution himself at one point? If so, he obviously escaped or was released at some point. Furthermore, does Shelby know that he is lying every time he tells the story of Sammy Jankis? Perhaps Shelby’s problem is psychological and he doesn’t really have the condition, just as it was for Jankis. On the other hand maybe he really can remember and just acts this way as an alibi (though this last option seems extremely unlikely). None of these questions are answered in the film: the viewer is forced to draw their own conclusions.
The last question posed by the Jankis story is who Shelby is telling the story to. The most likely assumption is that Shelby is telling Teddy (Joe Pantoliano), but there is no concrete evidence of this fact. Teddy claims that he was the one, but can we trust Teddy? Throughout the film we are reminded: “DON’T BELIEVE HIS LIES.” No matter who was on the other end of the phone, it doesn’t make any sense. Teddy says that Shelby will tell the Jankis story to anyone who will listen, that he’s heard it repeatedly, so why is he threatening Shelby in order to hear it yet again? There is no clear reason for anyone to be threatening Shelby in this manner when he won’t remember it in five minutes.
It is difficult for me to reconcile the fact that Jankis never existed, but that still seems the most plausible answer. But that must mean that Shelby is able to form some new memories and selectively forget others. In real life this would pose some very interesting questions. Shelby is obviously able to function in society, but he is also obviously dangerous. Whatever the “truth,” Memento is a sad story and great brain tickler that just makes one stop and think.
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