i don't usually do New Year's resolutions. My general mentality is that if something in your life is worth changing, there's no point in holding off for the new year to come around. However, this year, i am ever increasingly mindful of the fact that i am still single and the big 30 is just around the corner. i know, i'm only 27, and i have three years left, but what if i'm never married? Am i always going to be waiting to try things after i'm married? Is everything important going to be forever delegated to the realm of "once i get my own place"? i don't know if i will ever be able to afford my own home, not when i have dead end jobs now and student loans to pay after i graduate (hopefully in May 2010). i can't keep waiting for my life to begin, yet that's all i have been doing for as long as i can remember. It's time for something to change, to get to my goal #15 at 43 Things - stop procrastinating and get organized!. So, in this vein, i actually have some New Year's resolutions to make.
1 - get rid of clutter and get organized
i know this will not be cheap, to get storage in the form of Rubbermaids or baskets, but it needs to be done. Cardboard boxes that are falling apart are cluttering up my walkways; they aren't pleasant to look at or trip over. i have too much stuff, i want to simplify, and working at a place like Hobby Lobby it has become painfully obvious to me how much money people spend on junk that they really don't need. Sure, sometimes the junk is pretty (sometimes it's soooo not), but it's still not necessary. i live in a really small space, i don't need to fill it with things that i don't need anymore, and i don't want my space to be a mess.
2 - live conscientiously
Okay, part of my problem with fulfilling resolution #1 is where am i going to find the time? In a couple of weeks i'll be going to school full time, and i may have a part time job at the same time. i'm not even sure i can handle that workload, let alone feel like i have a life or have time for relaxation. The trouble is that when i get home i am exhausted and want nothing more than to fall into bed and play WoW or watch a tv show/movie, etc. There's not necessarily anything wrong with those things, but it contributes to my mess when all i do is toss stuff down anywhere. When clothes come out of the dryer, i need to fold them and put them away immediately. When i drop something, i need to pick it up. Everything needs to have a place and i need to put it there so i can find it, not lose it or damage it. So no more letting things slide because i'm tired (/sigh).
But there's other aspects to this goal, as well. i'm going to be talking about them a lot in this blog. For one thing, i'm sick of just following everyone else and not thinking through my actions. Do i really need to be bringing home/using plastic bags? Should i be drinking water out of little plastic bottles? i want to start conserving and Re-Using, and there's no point in putting it off any longer.
3 - live healthy... and hopefully lose weight
i.e. ban high fructose corn syrup from my diet (this means Coca-Cola, among other things) and cut back my portions and intake of unhealthy foods (such as those that are fatty, fried, and meat, which i eat entirely too much of ). For the past couple of weeks i've been eating fast food nearly every time i go to work, gradually gaining back the ten pounds i lost when running three times a week this fall. i need to lose weight, perhaps not to get a perfect body, but to at least get below 200 pounds. But even if i don't see results--ever--i still need to keep running, keep moving, keep making smart choices for my body. It would be easy to just give up, keep drinking Coke every day of my life, but i'm not going to do that. Just because i feel like a failure when it comes to my body doesn't make i can give up.
4 - conquer my brown/black thumb and replace it with a green one
Growing my own food is something i've been wanting to try for a couple of years and would be healthier than always buying from the grocery store. i'm not sure i can compost here, because my dad feeds everything to the chickens and goats, but that is a goal that i have for the future.
i guess that's all i can think of right now, but this is all a work in progress. i'm sooo tired right now, i have many ideas floating around my head and even crammed in the back of my brain, but this is my beginning. Lets see where it goes from here....
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Give me your tired...
i'm doing research on Lady Liberty depicted in art (no, not the Statue of Liberty, though she's rather hard to avoid, she really lacks most of the iconography of Liberty) and decided to look up that famous poem, written by none other than Emma Lazarus. It was quite a shock for me to discover... she was a Marxist. Does anyone else find that ironic?
Thursday, December 11, 2008
wow lol
The computer lab is really empty compared to on Tuesday when i was writing my paper on Hamlet.
i just tinkered with my schedule for the spring, and i'm a lot happier with what i got now. i dropped the required "Introduction to Literary Theory and Criticism" to take the prereq "Introduction to Creative Writing" with the teacher i took "Children's Literature" with this semester (both Lit. Theory and Creative Writing are required for my major, but i really need to get CW out of the way so i can take my other creative writing courses and i would rather take another class with this teacher than have it as a night course as was on my former schedule). i picked up "British Romanticism" as my fourth class, it will fulfill a requirement for "Later Literature" (Shakespeare fulfills the requirement for "Early Literature"), hopefully i enjoy that. So basically, as i recall, i'm going to need:
Anyways, i'm going to post some stuff that i meant to do weeks ago, that i never had the time or got around to commenting on the way i wanted to so i didn't publish it. Enjoy.
i just tinkered with my schedule for the spring, and i'm a lot happier with what i got now. i dropped the required "Introduction to Literary Theory and Criticism" to take the prereq "Introduction to Creative Writing" with the teacher i took "Children's Literature" with this semester (both Lit. Theory and Creative Writing are required for my major, but i really need to get CW out of the way so i can take my other creative writing courses and i would rather take another class with this teacher than have it as a night course as was on my former schedule). i picked up "British Romanticism" as my fourth class, it will fulfill a requirement for "Later Literature" (Shakespeare fulfills the requirement for "Early Literature"), hopefully i enjoy that. So basically, as i recall, i'm going to need:
History of Literary Criticism same class as above, ENGL 421and two writing courses: i'll probably choose
Senior Seminar in Literature
Roots of Modern Rhetoric
Seminar in Writing
Creative Writing: Fictioni might need a couple more electives, but i think i'm done. My biggest worry is pulling my gpa back up, but i think that this semester will help with that simply because i retook two courses that i flunked out of while attempting to work full time at KJCT and go to school full time (which so doesn't work). In fact, the teacher i originally took Brit Lit from is who i'm going to be taking Brit. Romance from (i wonder if she'll remember me), i really hated to stop attending that class but i simply could not stay awake. If all else fails i'll retake some of the other classes that i failed / withdrew from. i don't need them after all, but i do need a higher gpa as i get into my upper lvl courses. Hopefully i don't need to do that, because i'd really like to be able to finish my degree in a year.
Creative Writing: Character and Narrative
Anyways, i'm going to post some stuff that i meant to do weeks ago, that i never had the time or got around to commenting on the way i wanted to so i didn't publish it. Enjoy.
Re: a Modern Modest Proposal and the end of term
Okay, so, when we were reading a Modest Proposal and discussing it in class, i really felt physically sick. It was a relief to know that the essay was satirical and meant to prove a point. Well it got me thinking, how different is his opinion compared to abortion today? And i really wanted to write about that, it took hold of me and wouldn't let go, but it's not quite what came out. i know that my professor is going to hate this, i used the first personal "I" repeatedly, but of course that's what Swift did and i was really trying to follow his style while making it more modern. If this was my American Lit final, i'm sure that professor would love it, this is just the kind of assignment she appreciates, but as it is, i'm not sure how well this will go over.
Writing this was making me laugh my head off, i definitely enjoyed it, especially with all the stupid newspaper quotes making it more over the top. The first section is actually based on several documentaries that i have seen on PBS as well as articles that i have read over the years, of course i don't really have the means of citing those, though i did find an article referring to the documentary about the TB doctor (i'm pretty sure it's the same one).
Ugh, i probably shouldn't have written this as a final, but i'm not ashamed of writing it at the same time, and am way to far gone to care at this point. A couple of weeks ago i was wondering how i would even get up the resolve to keep going to class, let alone write anything. i'm doing a lot better now, am enjoying my new job even though i dread going to it every day because it means less time to write and relax. i am sooooo relieved that the semester is over, but at least i have accomplished something, as long as i pass my classes i am happy, i really do not care about getting A's at this point. Anyways, i'm making more plans for selling stuff on Etsy, using my new employee discount and the two months i have before classes resume. i also have a couple of story ideas floating around my head that will require research, but i am hopeful that at least one of these might come to fruition during the Christmas break. Maybe i could actually write something worth trying to get published for a change, fancy that.
On another note, my U.S. Lit final paper yielded a B, though she wasn't really appreciative of what i wrote. She doesn't like my rhymes, but then neither do i (this is why i don't write poetry anymore). My one stream of consciousness poem is laden with depression, but it felt so good to get it off my chest, and i actually wrote the rough draft of it in one of the final classes we had (a week before the paper was due as i recall). Unfortunately i didn't get around to writing anything that sounded Whitman enough for her (i personally think that my #5 sounds very Song of Myself #1, but whatever), the stinking paper wasn't really finished (even though i only needed 5 pages and wrote 11) and now i don't know if i have the strength or initiative to complete it. My poetry really isn't that great. i'm not going to share it here, i might put some of it on DeviantArt or my LiveJournal
Anyway, i took my finals, i turned in all my papers, hopefully i'll discover what my grades are by Christmas. Of course, two of my classes had the same teacher, and she takes forever to grade papers, so i'm not going to be holding my breath.
Writing this was making me laugh my head off, i definitely enjoyed it, especially with all the stupid newspaper quotes making it more over the top. The first section is actually based on several documentaries that i have seen on PBS as well as articles that i have read over the years, of course i don't really have the means of citing those, though i did find an article referring to the documentary about the TB doctor (i'm pretty sure it's the same one).
Ugh, i probably shouldn't have written this as a final, but i'm not ashamed of writing it at the same time, and am way to far gone to care at this point. A couple of weeks ago i was wondering how i would even get up the resolve to keep going to class, let alone write anything. i'm doing a lot better now, am enjoying my new job even though i dread going to it every day because it means less time to write and relax. i am sooooo relieved that the semester is over, but at least i have accomplished something, as long as i pass my classes i am happy, i really do not care about getting A's at this point. Anyways, i'm making more plans for selling stuff on Etsy, using my new employee discount and the two months i have before classes resume. i also have a couple of story ideas floating around my head that will require research, but i am hopeful that at least one of these might come to fruition during the Christmas break. Maybe i could actually write something worth trying to get published for a change, fancy that.
On another note, my U.S. Lit final paper yielded a B, though she wasn't really appreciative of what i wrote. She doesn't like my rhymes, but then neither do i (this is why i don't write poetry anymore). My one stream of consciousness poem is laden with depression, but it felt so good to get it off my chest, and i actually wrote the rough draft of it in one of the final classes we had (a week before the paper was due as i recall). Unfortunately i didn't get around to writing anything that sounded Whitman enough for her (i personally think that my #5 sounds very Song of Myself #1, but whatever), the stinking paper wasn't really finished (even though i only needed 5 pages and wrote 11) and now i don't know if i have the strength or initiative to complete it. My poetry really isn't that great. i'm not going to share it here, i might put some of it on DeviantArt or my LiveJournal
Anyway, i took my finals, i turned in all my papers, hopefully i'll discover what my grades are by Christmas. Of course, two of my classes had the same teacher, and she takes forever to grade papers, so i'm not going to be holding my breath.
A Modern Modest Proposal (for Brit Lit)
It is disheartening to see on television the images of impoverished children in Africa, stomachs bloated with hunger, skin stretched over-obvious ribs. So many of these children are orphaned by starvation and AIDS, and live without shoes or proper clothing, they have no money or food to support themselves; as a result, older sisters find themselves caring for siblings as if they were their own, are forced to prostitute themselves out for a bit of money or bread (Falconberg par. 12), and are inevitably infected with the AIDS virus themselves--because their customers believe that condoms are, in fact, the source of the AIDS infection (Nigeria par. 19)--eventually dying and leaving their younger siblings even worse off than ever before. I think everyone would agree that these children need food, shelter, medical care, clothing, and and education in order to better their situation. It is no wonder that so many African governments are in a constant state of war, with their citizens unable to resist whatever form of government is trying to usurp power, when the are too ignorant and weak to stand up for themselves or take up arms. If anyone could discover a way to rectify these ills, they would fully deserve the many monuments that would inevitably be erected in his or her honor, not to mention the thanks of an eternally grateful and happier society.
Of course, the problems in Africa are only the beginning of what I hope to find a solution for; there are much greater problems, such as the fact that the amount of charity that is being sent into those countries simply is not enough, and it does not enable these people to support themselves, what with the diamond trade being built on virtual slave labor, and all the profits being sent out of the continent, and all the oil going to countries such as the United States, where all the Americans are too niggardly to pay more than two dollars for a gallon of gas without complaining, let alone four or five.
Africa is also not the only continent that is experiencing problems, it is often just the most obvious one. In South American there are huge ghettos where the population cannot support themselves and live in boxes with only soccer balls to amuse themselves. Their problem disease is not AIDS, but Tuberculosis, which has formed several virulant strains that are resistant to most antibiotics (Global par. 7). Worst of all, farmers are using slash-and burn tactics to clear rain forest; "every year, another chunk of forest the size of Connecticut or larger disappears" (Chang par.10). The farmers grow soy to export to vegetarians (Fan par. 2) or coca for the drug cartels to convert into cocaine and sell (Blair par. 1), ranchers clear land to feed their cattle, and after a few years the soil is worthless (Fan par. 2). Francisco Santos Calderon, the vice-president of Colombia, predicts that within five years the cocain industry will have spread to West Africa (Blair par. 8). Brazil has become the fourth largest source of greenhouse gases in the world (Chang par. 4), and "deforestation picked up 10%" in 2007 (Fan par 1). Scientists say: "Keeping greenhouse gases out of the atmosphere has become crucial to saving the planet from catastrophic climate change" (Chang par. 6).
For my part, i have given great thought to this important subject despite the fact that my years are few. I have weighed several options and found that most so-called solutions are completely absurd and display gross ignorance on the part of their progenitors. All of this begging and prostitution is not helping anyone besides perverts, and there simply is not enough aid being sent to help these poor souls. It is also helpful to the issues the world faces of overpopulation, what with these women refusing to use birth control and bringing more children into the world, which only adds to the problem. These poor innocent children live a life filled with misery that it is torturous and cruel to even consider conceiving more children under current conditions: it is so horrible that it surely can move even the most apathetic to tears.
The number of obese individuals in the world has reached epidemic proportions: "more than one billion adults in the world are overweight and at least 400 million of them are obese," and those numbers are expected to double by 2015 (Paglinawan par. 3). The number of obese people has tripled in the past two decades (par. 4), revealing a startling lack of willpower on the part of most of Earth's citizens. It is obvious that only people who have too much and exercise too little are causing their own health problems and depriving the rest of the world (par. 12). Under the current state of affairs, it is utterly impossible for these situations to be bettered.
"I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection" (Swift ). Fortunately, the solution is incredibly simple: it is time for the fat citizens of Earth to start to follow Christian Bale's diet (Elliot par. 5-6) by eating far less than what they already do but taking vitamins in order to remain healthy. The amount of money that overweight individuals formerly spent on food will be garnished from their wages and used to instead feed the starved individuals that live abroad. There can be no real objection to this since everyone already wants to help the impoverished and no one wants to be fat to begin with. Since these individuals have such slight willpower, and the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, the new world order that will inevitably come about to enact these changes will take the temptation to overindulge out of the hands of its citizens.
I humbly propose that, since these uncontrolled pigs care so little about their own health, they will also be denied medical care until they reach an appropriate weight, and the funds that previously went towards their health coverage will instead provide for the medical needs of those infected with AIDS and TB, along with finding cures for said diseases. By the time the greedy guts have reached an acceptable weight, these goals will surely have been met, and everyone will be healthier, therefore requiring less healthcare, so everyone will receive equal amounts of more efficient care at a lower price.
Because obesity is also caused by the "more sedentary lifestyle brought about by advancements in technology" (par. 12), the amount of time spent seated or at a computer should also be limited to a slight number of hours day, unless the person using said electronic device is powering it via use of a treadmill or stationary bicycle. If the citizens of Africa can live in this manner, surely the rest of the world can adapt to a similar lifestyle. In order to protect the environment, motor vehicles will only be used in extreme emergencies, as deemed necessary by the government, while mass transit, manual self propulsion, and bicycling will become the only accepted forms of transportation. Telecommuting would also be a more efficient means of doing business.
To solve the food problems in South America, it is best to destroy the demand for the environmentally harmful foodstuffs: ban soy (no one actually likes it) and beef (it is too fatty to be included in a healthy diet). If there is still not enough food to go around, stage two of the plan should be to follow China's example and limit every couple to only one child. Sterilization is the easiest way to ensure that this directive is followed: after each woman has had her baby, the doctor can easily tie her tubes, particularly if the medical establishment continues to phase out vaginal deliveries in favor of conveniently scheduled elective caesarean sections. Like circumcision in decades past, vasectomies can also be pushed on men as a healthy lifestyle choice because sperm is dirty, or causes cancer, some other such spin. While they are at it, doctors can push needless vaccinations on middle school girls that have a good chance of rendering them sterile, effectively ensuring "One Less" child to worry about being born and using up valuable resources.
In order to thwart the subversive drug cartels the world's governments should legalize cocaine and sell it really cheap, taxing it heavily of course, and completely undermining the previous corner on the market. The only reason demand is so high is because it is so hard to get good crack at a decent price, what with having to worry about possible informants and getting arrested. Every American knows that prohibition did not work with alcohol, so there is no reason to think that it should work for drugs: the war is lost unless the world's governments see reason and take action soon. The framework for a new world government is already in place with the United Nations, and all of these proposals already fit in with their objectives, so I see no real reason why this plan could not be put into effect quite quickly.
I think the advantages of my plan are obvious, but I will outline them anyway. First, world hunger will be solved, and women will no longer get weepy over images of starving children, nor will people have to feel obligated to send money (the government will fulfill that obligation for them) or be too selfish to do their part (again, the government will be redistributing the weatlh, taking the responsibility out of their hands, which will be a welcome relief for everyone).
Secondly, the world will have cured AIDS, which will make everyone interested in pop culture really excited... though perhaps upset that their red t-shirts and cell phones are now extraneous. No matter, all the funding that was being diverted to AIDS research can now move on to cancer or Parkinsons or paralysis, etc., whatever new cause that celebrities take up next.
Thirdly, because the depressed obese will have shed all those unwanted pounds, everyone will look really, really hot, so everyone will be happier. There will be fewer suicides, less stress, and medical costs will be lower because everyone will be healthier. Diabetes, thyroid disorders, heart disease, high blood pressure, will all be a thing of the past. Plastic surgeons should be doing well for a while, as well, with all the tummy tucks and boob jobs that everyone will be wanting to get; after all, the formerly obese will have to get rid of the unwanted skin somehow.
Fourthly, this plan is extremely good for the environment. The Amazon Rain Forest will recover. The world economy will no longer be dependent on its obsessive need for oil, nor will SUVs be polluting the air we breathe. The Ozone Layer will be replenished and we will have finally saved the Penguins, Polar Bears, Whales, you get the idea.
I could go on, and list other advantages, but I am certain that is really unnecessary. I have no wish to be long winded, I am not describing these strategies for any glory of my own, I am really just concerned about solving the problems we face and the welfare of everyone involved. I really cannot think of any valid objections to this proposal, indeed there can be none, and I am tired of hearing people debate needlessly. I will not profit from this venture any more than my common man, let me assure you. I am confident that those who read this will see reason, and,very soon we will all be living in harmony and no longer have any great cares to darken our day.
Works Cited
Blair, David. "Colombian Drug Cartels Blamed for the Destruction of Rainforest." The Daily Telegraph. 23 May 2008. LexisNexis Academic. Mesa St. Col. Lib., Grand Junction, CO. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.lexisnexis.com/us/lnacademic>
Chang, Jack. "As Brazil's rain forest burns down, planet heats up." McClatchy Washington Bureau. 8 Sept. 2007. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.mcclatchydc.com/226/story/19533.html>
Elliot, Jessica. "Christian Bale's Weight Loss for The Machinist: This Dedicated Actor Lost a Whapping [sic] 63 Pounds to Play the Lead in This Movie." Associated Content. 23 Aug. 2006. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/53457/christian_bales_weight_loss_for_the.html?cat=40>
Falconberg, Suki. "Prostitution and AIDS." American Chronicle. 4 November 2006. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.americanchronicle.com/articles/15980>
Fan, Grace. "Global Leaders Must Fight Fire with Fire as Amazon Burns." The Business. 19 Jan. 2008. LexisNexis Academic. Mesa St. Col. Lib., Grand Junction, CO. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.lexisnexis.com/us/lnacademic>
"Global Health Champions: Jim Yong Kim." Rx for Survival. Mar. 2006. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/rxforsurvival/series/champions/jim_yong_kim.html>
"Nigeria; HIV/Aids: the Lethal March of a Plague." Africa News. 6 Dec. 2008. LexisNexis Academic. Mesa St. Col. Lib., Grand Junction, CO. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.lexisnexis.com/us/lnacademic>
Paglinawan, Adriel M.and Rima Jessamine M. Granali. "Special Feature: Health Guide; A Global Crisis." BusinessWorld. 30 Apr. 2008. LexisNexis Academic. Mesa St. Col. Lib., Grand Junction, CO. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.lexisnexis.com/us/lnacademic>
Of course, the problems in Africa are only the beginning of what I hope to find a solution for; there are much greater problems, such as the fact that the amount of charity that is being sent into those countries simply is not enough, and it does not enable these people to support themselves, what with the diamond trade being built on virtual slave labor, and all the profits being sent out of the continent, and all the oil going to countries such as the United States, where all the Americans are too niggardly to pay more than two dollars for a gallon of gas without complaining, let alone four or five.
Africa is also not the only continent that is experiencing problems, it is often just the most obvious one. In South American there are huge ghettos where the population cannot support themselves and live in boxes with only soccer balls to amuse themselves. Their problem disease is not AIDS, but Tuberculosis, which has formed several virulant strains that are resistant to most antibiotics (Global par. 7). Worst of all, farmers are using slash-and burn tactics to clear rain forest; "every year, another chunk of forest the size of Connecticut or larger disappears" (Chang par.10). The farmers grow soy to export to vegetarians (Fan par. 2) or coca for the drug cartels to convert into cocaine and sell (Blair par. 1), ranchers clear land to feed their cattle, and after a few years the soil is worthless (Fan par. 2). Francisco Santos Calderon, the vice-president of Colombia, predicts that within five years the cocain industry will have spread to West Africa (Blair par. 8). Brazil has become the fourth largest source of greenhouse gases in the world (Chang par. 4), and "deforestation picked up 10%" in 2007 (Fan par 1). Scientists say: "Keeping greenhouse gases out of the atmosphere has become crucial to saving the planet from catastrophic climate change" (Chang par. 6).
For my part, i have given great thought to this important subject despite the fact that my years are few. I have weighed several options and found that most so-called solutions are completely absurd and display gross ignorance on the part of their progenitors. All of this begging and prostitution is not helping anyone besides perverts, and there simply is not enough aid being sent to help these poor souls. It is also helpful to the issues the world faces of overpopulation, what with these women refusing to use birth control and bringing more children into the world, which only adds to the problem. These poor innocent children live a life filled with misery that it is torturous and cruel to even consider conceiving more children under current conditions: it is so horrible that it surely can move even the most apathetic to tears.
The number of obese individuals in the world has reached epidemic proportions: "more than one billion adults in the world are overweight and at least 400 million of them are obese," and those numbers are expected to double by 2015 (Paglinawan par. 3). The number of obese people has tripled in the past two decades (par. 4), revealing a startling lack of willpower on the part of most of Earth's citizens. It is obvious that only people who have too much and exercise too little are causing their own health problems and depriving the rest of the world (par. 12). Under the current state of affairs, it is utterly impossible for these situations to be bettered.
"I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection" (Swift ). Fortunately, the solution is incredibly simple: it is time for the fat citizens of Earth to start to follow Christian Bale's diet (Elliot par. 5-6) by eating far less than what they already do but taking vitamins in order to remain healthy. The amount of money that overweight individuals formerly spent on food will be garnished from their wages and used to instead feed the starved individuals that live abroad. There can be no real objection to this since everyone already wants to help the impoverished and no one wants to be fat to begin with. Since these individuals have such slight willpower, and the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, the new world order that will inevitably come about to enact these changes will take the temptation to overindulge out of the hands of its citizens.
I humbly propose that, since these uncontrolled pigs care so little about their own health, they will also be denied medical care until they reach an appropriate weight, and the funds that previously went towards their health coverage will instead provide for the medical needs of those infected with AIDS and TB, along with finding cures for said diseases. By the time the greedy guts have reached an acceptable weight, these goals will surely have been met, and everyone will be healthier, therefore requiring less healthcare, so everyone will receive equal amounts of more efficient care at a lower price.
Because obesity is also caused by the "more sedentary lifestyle brought about by advancements in technology" (par. 12), the amount of time spent seated or at a computer should also be limited to a slight number of hours day, unless the person using said electronic device is powering it via use of a treadmill or stationary bicycle. If the citizens of Africa can live in this manner, surely the rest of the world can adapt to a similar lifestyle. In order to protect the environment, motor vehicles will only be used in extreme emergencies, as deemed necessary by the government, while mass transit, manual self propulsion, and bicycling will become the only accepted forms of transportation. Telecommuting would also be a more efficient means of doing business.
To solve the food problems in South America, it is best to destroy the demand for the environmentally harmful foodstuffs: ban soy (no one actually likes it) and beef (it is too fatty to be included in a healthy diet). If there is still not enough food to go around, stage two of the plan should be to follow China's example and limit every couple to only one child. Sterilization is the easiest way to ensure that this directive is followed: after each woman has had her baby, the doctor can easily tie her tubes, particularly if the medical establishment continues to phase out vaginal deliveries in favor of conveniently scheduled elective caesarean sections. Like circumcision in decades past, vasectomies can also be pushed on men as a healthy lifestyle choice because sperm is dirty, or causes cancer, some other such spin. While they are at it, doctors can push needless vaccinations on middle school girls that have a good chance of rendering them sterile, effectively ensuring "One Less" child to worry about being born and using up valuable resources.
In order to thwart the subversive drug cartels the world's governments should legalize cocaine and sell it really cheap, taxing it heavily of course, and completely undermining the previous corner on the market. The only reason demand is so high is because it is so hard to get good crack at a decent price, what with having to worry about possible informants and getting arrested. Every American knows that prohibition did not work with alcohol, so there is no reason to think that it should work for drugs: the war is lost unless the world's governments see reason and take action soon. The framework for a new world government is already in place with the United Nations, and all of these proposals already fit in with their objectives, so I see no real reason why this plan could not be put into effect quite quickly.
I think the advantages of my plan are obvious, but I will outline them anyway. First, world hunger will be solved, and women will no longer get weepy over images of starving children, nor will people have to feel obligated to send money (the government will fulfill that obligation for them) or be too selfish to do their part (again, the government will be redistributing the weatlh, taking the responsibility out of their hands, which will be a welcome relief for everyone).
Secondly, the world will have cured AIDS, which will make everyone interested in pop culture really excited... though perhaps upset that their red t-shirts and cell phones are now extraneous. No matter, all the funding that was being diverted to AIDS research can now move on to cancer or Parkinsons or paralysis, etc., whatever new cause that celebrities take up next.
Thirdly, because the depressed obese will have shed all those unwanted pounds, everyone will look really, really hot, so everyone will be happier. There will be fewer suicides, less stress, and medical costs will be lower because everyone will be healthier. Diabetes, thyroid disorders, heart disease, high blood pressure, will all be a thing of the past. Plastic surgeons should be doing well for a while, as well, with all the tummy tucks and boob jobs that everyone will be wanting to get; after all, the formerly obese will have to get rid of the unwanted skin somehow.
Fourthly, this plan is extremely good for the environment. The Amazon Rain Forest will recover. The world economy will no longer be dependent on its obsessive need for oil, nor will SUVs be polluting the air we breathe. The Ozone Layer will be replenished and we will have finally saved the Penguins, Polar Bears, Whales, you get the idea.
I could go on, and list other advantages, but I am certain that is really unnecessary. I have no wish to be long winded, I am not describing these strategies for any glory of my own, I am really just concerned about solving the problems we face and the welfare of everyone involved. I really cannot think of any valid objections to this proposal, indeed there can be none, and I am tired of hearing people debate needlessly. I will not profit from this venture any more than my common man, let me assure you. I am confident that those who read this will see reason, and,very soon we will all be living in harmony and no longer have any great cares to darken our day.
Works Cited
Blair, David. "Colombian Drug Cartels Blamed for the Destruction of Rainforest." The Daily Telegraph. 23 May 2008. LexisNexis Academic. Mesa St. Col. Lib., Grand Junction, CO. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.lexisnexis.com/us/lnacademic>
Chang, Jack. "As Brazil's rain forest burns down, planet heats up." McClatchy Washington Bureau. 8 Sept. 2007. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.mcclatchydc.com/226/story/19533.html>
Elliot, Jessica. "Christian Bale's Weight Loss for The Machinist: This Dedicated Actor Lost a Whapping [sic] 63 Pounds to Play the Lead in This Movie." Associated Content. 23 Aug. 2006. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/53457/christian_bales_weight_loss_for_the.html?cat=40>
Falconberg, Suki. "Prostitution and AIDS." American Chronicle. 4 November 2006. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.americanchronicle.com/articles/15980>
Fan, Grace. "Global Leaders Must Fight Fire with Fire as Amazon Burns." The Business. 19 Jan. 2008. LexisNexis Academic. Mesa St. Col. Lib., Grand Junction, CO. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.lexisnexis.com/us/lnacademic>
"Global Health Champions: Jim Yong Kim." Rx for Survival. Mar. 2006. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/rxforsurvival/series/champions/jim_yong_kim.html>
"Nigeria; HIV/Aids: the Lethal March of a Plague." Africa News. 6 Dec. 2008. LexisNexis Academic. Mesa St. Col. Lib., Grand Junction, CO. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.lexisnexis.com/us/lnacademic>
Paglinawan, Adriel M.and Rima Jessamine M. Granali. "Special Feature: Health Guide; A Global Crisis." BusinessWorld. 30 Apr. 2008. LexisNexis Academic. Mesa St. Col. Lib., Grand Junction, CO. 10 Dec. 2008. <http://www.lexisnexis.com/us/lnacademic>
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
/yawn
Working on my last paper, stumbled across this:
Why Reuse trumps Recycling and Reduce Trumps 'em Both
Why Reuse trumps Recycling and Reduce Trumps 'em Both
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Revenge and Morality in Hamlet (final for Shakespeare)
Hamlet is, first and foremost, a play about revenge, but modern concepts of revenge and Elizabethan ones are not the same. Today, it is almost universally accepted that revenge, when defined “to exact punishment or expiation for a wrong on behalf of, esp. in a resentful or vindictive spirit” (Revenge)—particularly when it takes the form of an individual taking another’s life in payment for the life that he or she had taken—is a form of murder in itself. The prohibition against revenge was not so straightforward in the past. This essay examines what Elizabethan attitudes towards revenge were, if only certain forms of revenge moral, and whether revenge is moral from a biblical standpoint.
Wilson asserts:
Furthermore, Prosser summarizes that: “the Establishment condemned private revenge, but history denies that its campaign had widespread influence…Far more influential than the orthodox code of the Establishment were two popular codes that placed the demands of revenge above the strictures of religion and law” (4) and “most Elizabethans of all classes, not merely members of the nobility, considered blood revenge justifiable and even obligatory in certain special cases” (17). In this light it seems apparent that no matter how vehemently the Establishment was against revenge, Elizabethans were not so sold on surrendering their propensity to take matters in their own hands, nor would they have overtly disapproved of Hamlet’s actions.
There is still, however, the question of morality. Skulsky defines the “two popular codes” as: “the law of the talon and the code of honor” (78). These codes are not the same and from a modern perspective do not hold the same weight. “What the talon lusts after is nothing less than the total destruction of the hated object and of all that can be identified with it” (78). This is an apt description of Hamlet’s motivation when he states:
Moore takes a very different stance than most modern Christians probably would. He argues that revenge is allowed in Mosaic law, as long as another witness of the crime is available to testify, and that not only would Shakespeare’s audience realize this, but they would expect Horatio to become the second witness (503). This argument seems weak when coupled with the fact that no one actually witnessed Claudius’ crime: we only have the Ghost’s word to go on coupled with Claudius’ reaction to the play. Furthermore, Horatio did not witness Claudius’ confession as Hamlet did.
Moore disagrees with Skulsky about the sins of premeditation and disagrees with the attitude that: “if the avenger fails to kill the slayer at their first meeting, then he has disobeyed God's imperative—or missed his only chance” (502). He also finds it to be a “curious stipulation that the avenger of blood” is expected to “kill the slayer without enmity” (499). His observes “Hamlet's destruction of his old schoolfellows” (503)—when he sends them to their deaths in London—is just another example of the law of the talon seems a little harsh. Though one might suppose that their deaths do seem to be uncalled for, they are no more senseless that Hamlet choosing to damn Claudius’ soul and kill Polonius merely because he was hiding behind a curtain. Not everything in Hamlet makes sense.
Terry also deals with the codes of honor, which she establishes as relying on promise when she quotes Mervyn James: “the importance of ‘promise’ was that this gave the essence of honor, will and intention” (qtd. in Terry 1071). This intention stems from “an internalized concept of what it means to be an honorable man…honor was becoming, by the seventeenth century, a matter of conscience; honorable men needed to seek, in every situation, to behave in such a way to please both their state and their God” (1071). Terry seems to be saying that the old concept of honor was that, if a man gave his word, he had to do what he said he was going to do. This makes sense when one considers Hamlet’s determination to kill Claudius when it seems obvious that revenge is not his normal inclination. Hamlet’s honor being insulted, he immediately vows to revenge his father, just as the Ghost requests, saying: “Haste me to know’t, that I, with wings as swift / As meditation or the thoughts of love, / May sweep to my revenge” (1.5.29-31).
At first glance Hamlet seems to trusts the Ghosts report (1.5.109-111), but Hamlet is far from swift to revenge. Moore notes that “as Elizabethan audiences knew, the testimony of the Ghost may derive from a demon bent on Hamlet's damnation” (503), but does that even matter once Hamlet has given his vow? It seems that Hamlet is bound by the code of honor now; he cannot merely change his mind, no matter how long he grapples with his conscience. Wilson observes of Hamlet: “his inactivity, his inability to perform that on which his mind is set, that which he wills, corresponds with the emotional state in which he seems drained of blood, devoid of all desire save the desire of death, and even unable to accomplish that” (226), seems to be a clear symptom of “melancholy,” something that sounds suspiciously like depression. For most of the play, Hamlet is still paralyzed by the sorrow that his father’s death has brought him, and grapples not with revenge or honor, but with melancholy and death.
In the end, little in Hamlet seems clear cut; it’s all a tangled web of misdirection and indecision that comes to a bloody end. Hamlet gets his damnation of Claudius’ soul, but his own actions possibly damn his own soul in the process. Elizabethans probably would have approved of Hamlet’s actions as well as the questions he was asking. The witness’ question ends up being: does the Law still apply now that Jesus’ death and resurrection has perfected it? Not even Christians can agree on that point, so one can only give an imperfect and personal opinion in response. Personally, the stipulation about enmity makes perfect sense, and Hamlet sinned, but whether he is going to heaven or hell… only God could judge.
Works Cited
Broude, Ronald. "Revenge and Revenge Tragedy in Renaissance England." Renaissance Quarterly. 28.1 (Spring 1975): 38-58. JSTOR. Mesa State Col., Grand Junction, CO. 23 Nov. 2008. <http://0-www.jstor.org.www.millennium.marmot.org:80/stable/2860421>
Moore, Peter R. "Hamlet and the Two Witness Rule." Notes and Queries. 44.4 (Dec 1997): 498-503. Literature Online. Mesa State Col., Grand Junction, CO. 23 Nov. 2008. <http://gateway.proquest.com/openurl?ctx_ver=Z39.88-2003&xri:pqil:res_ver=0.2&res_id=xri:lion-us&rft_id=xri:lion:ft:abell:R01264856:0>
Prosser, Eleanor. Hamlet & Revenge. Stanford, CA: Stanford Univ. Press, 1967.
“Revenge.” Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. 09 Dec. 2008. <http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/revenge>
Shakespeare, William. Hamlet. New York, NY: Norton, 1963.
Skulsky, Harold. "Revenge, Honor, and Conscience in Hamlet." PMLA. 85.1 (Jan., 1970): 78-87. JSTOR. Mesa State Col., Grand Junction, CO. 12 Nov. 2008. <http://0-www.jstor.org.www.millennium.marmot.org/stable/1261433>
Terry, Reta A. "'Vows to the Blackest Devil:' Hamlet and the Evolving Code of Honor in Early Modern England." Renaissance Quarterly. 52.4 (Winter 1999): 1070-1086. JSTOR. Mesa State Col., Grand Junction, CO. 23 Nov. 2008. <http://0-www.jstor.org.www.millennium.marmot.org:80/stable/2901836>
Wilson, John Dover. What Happens in Hamlet. London: Cambridge Univ. Press, 1962.
Wilson asserts:
Hamlet...was written by an Elizabethan for Elizabethans. If therefore we of the twentieth century desire to enter fully into that situation we must ask ourselves how it would present itself to English minds at the end of the sixteenth…We must be careful not to overlook those tacit understandings between Shakespeare and his audience which, just because they were tacit,…are more likely to escape us. (26)This is a good attitude to have towards any piece of literature: an observer of Hamlet must not only look at their own reactions but at the perceptions and opinions of the intended audience. This is what Prosser grapples with: whether “Shakespeare’s audience endorsed blood revenge as an unquestioned duty” (3) or “reprehensible blasphemy” (6). Why the Establishment (that is, the government and church) would be against revenge is clear: it stems from “fears of civil disorder” (5). However, Broude emphasizes that:
“The Renaissance revenge and vengeance denoted not only the general idea of retribution but also each particular species of retribution authorized by any of the several socio-legal systems which coexisted uneasily in Tudor-Stuart England. An offense might be understood to have been committed against an individual or family, against a commonwealth, or against a divinity, and in each case a different concept of right and wrong retribution was all operative. (40-41)In the case of Hamlet, the offense applies in all of these cases: Claudius killed his brother, offending his son, usurping Denmark for himself, and flying in the face of the king’s God-ordained position as the head of government. Hamlet cannot expect any civil authority to intervene when the new king is the perpetrator of the crime that affronted him. Prosser acknowledges this when she asks: “Faced with an outright murderer who continues to thrive, how can a would-be revenger possibly convince himself that patience serves the ends of justice?” (11).
Furthermore, Prosser summarizes that: “the Establishment condemned private revenge, but history denies that its campaign had widespread influence…Far more influential than the orthodox code of the Establishment were two popular codes that placed the demands of revenge above the strictures of religion and law” (4) and “most Elizabethans of all classes, not merely members of the nobility, considered blood revenge justifiable and even obligatory in certain special cases” (17). In this light it seems apparent that no matter how vehemently the Establishment was against revenge, Elizabethans were not so sold on surrendering their propensity to take matters in their own hands, nor would they have overtly disapproved of Hamlet’s actions.
There is still, however, the question of morality. Skulsky defines the “two popular codes” as: “the law of the talon and the code of honor” (78). These codes are not the same and from a modern perspective do not hold the same weight. “What the talon lusts after is nothing less than the total destruction of the hated object and of all that can be identified with it” (78). This is an apt description of Hamlet’s motivation when he states:
But in our circumstance and course of thoughtFrom a modern perspective, Hamlet’s decision is far from heroic; “Hamlet is devoted, at this point at least, to the death of his uncle’s soul; and the devotion is not ennobling” (Skulsky 79). Skulsky argues that the biblical definition of revenge, found in Numbers 35:19, prescribes that justice be dealt quickly, not after waiting for the murderer to sin again (79). Prosser takes an even stricter stance: “To be sure, the Christian must fight evil, but his proper enemy is his own sin, not the incurable ills that attend his life. He should welcome adversity as a loving gift of God” (12). This is not the prevalent attitude in modern societies: most Americans avoid adversity and hardship at all costs.
‘Tis heavy with him; and am I then revenged
To take him in the purging of his soul,
When he is fit and seasoned for his passage?
No.
Up, sword, and know thou a more horrid hent. (3.3.83-88)
Moore takes a very different stance than most modern Christians probably would. He argues that revenge is allowed in Mosaic law, as long as another witness of the crime is available to testify, and that not only would Shakespeare’s audience realize this, but they would expect Horatio to become the second witness (503). This argument seems weak when coupled with the fact that no one actually witnessed Claudius’ crime: we only have the Ghost’s word to go on coupled with Claudius’ reaction to the play. Furthermore, Horatio did not witness Claudius’ confession as Hamlet did.
Moore disagrees with Skulsky about the sins of premeditation and disagrees with the attitude that: “if the avenger fails to kill the slayer at their first meeting, then he has disobeyed God's imperative—or missed his only chance” (502). He also finds it to be a “curious stipulation that the avenger of blood” is expected to “kill the slayer without enmity” (499). His observes “Hamlet's destruction of his old schoolfellows” (503)—when he sends them to their deaths in London—is just another example of the law of the talon seems a little harsh. Though one might suppose that their deaths do seem to be uncalled for, they are no more senseless that Hamlet choosing to damn Claudius’ soul and kill Polonius merely because he was hiding behind a curtain. Not everything in Hamlet makes sense.
Terry also deals with the codes of honor, which she establishes as relying on promise when she quotes Mervyn James: “the importance of ‘promise’ was that this gave the essence of honor, will and intention” (qtd. in Terry 1071). This intention stems from “an internalized concept of what it means to be an honorable man…honor was becoming, by the seventeenth century, a matter of conscience; honorable men needed to seek, in every situation, to behave in such a way to please both their state and their God” (1071). Terry seems to be saying that the old concept of honor was that, if a man gave his word, he had to do what he said he was going to do. This makes sense when one considers Hamlet’s determination to kill Claudius when it seems obvious that revenge is not his normal inclination. Hamlet’s honor being insulted, he immediately vows to revenge his father, just as the Ghost requests, saying: “Haste me to know’t, that I, with wings as swift / As meditation or the thoughts of love, / May sweep to my revenge” (1.5.29-31).
At first glance Hamlet seems to trusts the Ghosts report (1.5.109-111), but Hamlet is far from swift to revenge. Moore notes that “as Elizabethan audiences knew, the testimony of the Ghost may derive from a demon bent on Hamlet's damnation” (503), but does that even matter once Hamlet has given his vow? It seems that Hamlet is bound by the code of honor now; he cannot merely change his mind, no matter how long he grapples with his conscience. Wilson observes of Hamlet: “his inactivity, his inability to perform that on which his mind is set, that which he wills, corresponds with the emotional state in which he seems drained of blood, devoid of all desire save the desire of death, and even unable to accomplish that” (226), seems to be a clear symptom of “melancholy,” something that sounds suspiciously like depression. For most of the play, Hamlet is still paralyzed by the sorrow that his father’s death has brought him, and grapples not with revenge or honor, but with melancholy and death.
In the end, little in Hamlet seems clear cut; it’s all a tangled web of misdirection and indecision that comes to a bloody end. Hamlet gets his damnation of Claudius’ soul, but his own actions possibly damn his own soul in the process. Elizabethans probably would have approved of Hamlet’s actions as well as the questions he was asking. The witness’ question ends up being: does the Law still apply now that Jesus’ death and resurrection has perfected it? Not even Christians can agree on that point, so one can only give an imperfect and personal opinion in response. Personally, the stipulation about enmity makes perfect sense, and Hamlet sinned, but whether he is going to heaven or hell… only God could judge.
Works Cited
Broude, Ronald. "Revenge and Revenge Tragedy in Renaissance England." Renaissance Quarterly. 28.1 (Spring 1975): 38-58. JSTOR. Mesa State Col., Grand Junction, CO. 23 Nov. 2008. <http://0-www.jstor.org.www.millennium.marmot.org:80/stable/2860421>
Moore, Peter R. "Hamlet and the Two Witness Rule." Notes and Queries. 44.4 (Dec 1997): 498-503. Literature Online. Mesa State Col., Grand Junction, CO. 23 Nov. 2008. <http://gateway.proquest.com/openurl?ctx_ver=Z39.88-2003&xri:pqil:res_ver=0.2&res_id=xri:lion-us&rft_id=xri:lion:ft:abell:R01264856:0>
Prosser, Eleanor. Hamlet & Revenge. Stanford, CA: Stanford Univ. Press, 1967.
“Revenge.” Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. 09 Dec. 2008. <http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/revenge>
Shakespeare, William. Hamlet. New York, NY: Norton, 1963.
Skulsky, Harold. "Revenge, Honor, and Conscience in Hamlet." PMLA. 85.1 (Jan., 1970): 78-87. JSTOR. Mesa State Col., Grand Junction, CO. 12 Nov. 2008. <http://0-www.jstor.org.www.millennium.marmot.org/stable/1261433>
Terry, Reta A. "'Vows to the Blackest Devil:' Hamlet and the Evolving Code of Honor in Early Modern England." Renaissance Quarterly. 52.4 (Winter 1999): 1070-1086. JSTOR. Mesa State Col., Grand Junction, CO. 23 Nov. 2008. <http://0-www.jstor.org.www.millennium.marmot.org:80/stable/2901836>
Wilson, John Dover. What Happens in Hamlet. London: Cambridge Univ. Press, 1962.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
State of the Disunion
i haven't been blogging as much as i would like. i think of things i'd like to write often, but do not have the time or a handy computer when it happens. Sometimes i write on paper, but it doesn't flow as well then, nor does it usually find its way here.
i am so tired of writing about what other people have said or written. Don't get me wrong, i love reading books and watching movies, then talking about it, or writing fanfiction, but i'm beginning to wonder if i will ever have and original enough thought to write my own books or articles. i actually have two ideas for a story right now, not to mention ideas for modern day fairy tales (though i'm not sure those would be worth my time), but both of them would require a lot of research. i don't have time to research, i need to write a 5-8 page on Hamlet within the next two weeks. Plus i have a new job, which is great for the wallet, but not so great for studying or playing WoW or writing.
Speaking of which, i need to study right now, never mind the myriad of things i would like to write about at the moment. Twilight starts tomorrow, i really, really want to see it (got to let Hollywood know that geeks like me are interested in anti-feminist films based on fantasy books), but with my annotated bibliography for Hamlet is due Tuesday, so i'm not sure that i'll have the time. Anyways, back to the books i guess.
i am so tired of writing about what other people have said or written. Don't get me wrong, i love reading books and watching movies, then talking about it, or writing fanfiction, but i'm beginning to wonder if i will ever have and original enough thought to write my own books or articles. i actually have two ideas for a story right now, not to mention ideas for modern day fairy tales (though i'm not sure those would be worth my time), but both of them would require a lot of research. i don't have time to research, i need to write a 5-8 page on Hamlet within the next two weeks. Plus i have a new job, which is great for the wallet, but not so great for studying or playing WoW or writing.
Speaking of which, i need to study right now, never mind the myriad of things i would like to write about at the moment. Twilight starts tomorrow, i really, really want to see it (got to let Hollywood know that geeks like me are interested in anti-feminist films based on fantasy books), but with my annotated bibliography for Hamlet is due Tuesday, so i'm not sure that i'll have the time. Anyways, back to the books i guess.
Re: my modern day fairy tale
This isn't really what i was aiming for, but my story had to be within the guidelines of the assignment. i really wanted to write that Sleeping Beauty's attendants were in suspended animation or cryo-freeze in a spaceship, or something to that affect. I was also intrigued by the fact that her prince raped her in the original, she has twins, and one of the babies sucks her finger, dislodging the flax from under her nail. In a modern story none of these women would settle for these men or vice versa. Are we too picky today? Cuz my perception is that all these protagonists are a bunch of selfish idiots when all is said and done.
Twilight, in my opinion, is in a way a modern telling of Beauty and the Beast, not that it follows the storyline exactly, but it has the same concepts. Tbh, in my story i wanted to make the female the one in the fat suit, and the "beauty" actually be a hunky guy, but i felt that the multiples birth via fertility drugs. Actually, only two babies seems a bit unlikely, 3-5 sounds more precise, but i didn't have the room to flesh out so many characters in 5 pages, so loosely combined two stories for each character. Aurora was meant to be Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, with more involvement from the stepmother (which in the original was actually her mother: who knew), while Bella is more clearly Beauty and Cinderella. Anyway, off to class, i'm going to be late. ):
Twilight, in my opinion, is in a way a modern telling of Beauty and the Beast, not that it follows the storyline exactly, but it has the same concepts. Tbh, in my story i wanted to make the female the one in the fat suit, and the "beauty" actually be a hunky guy, but i felt that the multiples birth via fertility drugs. Actually, only two babies seems a bit unlikely, 3-5 sounds more precise, but i didn't have the room to flesh out so many characters in 5 pages, so loosely combined two stories for each character. Aurora was meant to be Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, with more involvement from the stepmother (which in the original was actually her mother: who knew), while Bella is more clearly Beauty and Cinderella. Anyway, off to class, i'm going to be late. ):
Sleeping Aurora and Beautiful Bella (for Children's Lit)
Not so long ago there lived a beautiful woman who was happily married to the CEO of an important company. She had everything her heart could desire—the high rise apartment, the designer wardrobe, the charity functions—except one: no matter how hard they tried, she and her husband could not have a baby. They had tried all sorts of positions, drugs, doctors, and therapies, everything that money could buy, to no avail, until at long last an experimental treatment was found. Nine months later she gave birth to twin girls; she and her husband named them Aurora and Bella.
Because the mother had lots of society friends, she threw a lovely party in honor of her baby girls. Unfortunately, the post office had lost one of the invitations, the one meant for her Wiccan sister, and so on the day of the party her sister stormed in, enraged that she had been slighted in such a way. Her sister was just as beautiful as she was, but living in her shadow as a child had made the sister mean and cruel. The sister declared that the family would lose all of its money, her sister would die a premature death, Aurora would be also doomed to an early death inflicted by spindle, and Bella was fated to live the rest of her life in rags. After making this pronouncement, the sister left just as abruptly as she had arrived, leaving the mother and her friends to laugh at such outrageous claims.
Seven years later the mother died abruptly of cancer. Over time, the father fell in love with his wife’s sister and they married; he was never aware of the curse she had placed on him and his daughters. Eight years later his company went bankrupt. He had many debts and no way to pay them. Unfortunately, he was also facing a divorce and criminal charges concerning the way his company had been handled. The bankruptcy was through no fault of his own: in fact, his new wife had embezzled the money right under his nose. Unfortunately the evidence against him was too great; he was convicted of the crime, while his new wife lived comfortably with her pilfered cash.
Meanwhile, she treated her nieces horribly, but because she was their stepmother she was also their legal guardian. Both girls were forced to clean and cook, as if they were hired help, and barely had enough to eat and only one set of clothes to wear. She withdrew them from their private schools and forbade them from talking to their father or friends. Their stepmother was not content with this punishment, she was tired of hearing all of her sister’s old friends saying behind her back that her daughters were more beautiful than she or their mother. She decided to send Bella to marry an old business associate of her husbands who was hideously fat and try to decide what the best torture would be for Aurora, while meanwhile forcing her to do all the chores that the girls had previously shared.
Bella’s new home was outside the city, on a lovely old estate with a garden, aviary, library, pool, and state of the art theater. She was no longer forced to do chores, but spent her days reading, or walking, or listening to the birds sing, or watching movies. She only saw her intended each night, at dinner, and each night he asked her if she would marry him, and each night she refused, claiming that she was too young and did not know him well enough yet. She missed her sister, and kept having strange dreams about Aurora being in danger and of a young man who was incredibly handsome.
Meanwhile, Aurora had run away from home and fallen in with a Celtic band with seven young men in it. She cooked and cleaned for them while they toured, and they gave her a free place to sleep in return. One weekend they were booked at a renaissance faire, which was a nice change of pace for her, because she had never been to one. There were all kinds of things to see: jousting, Falconers, belly dancers, and some older women demonstrating weaving and spinning. She’d never seen anything like spinning before, and was eager to try it. Unluckily, Aurora pricked her finger on the spindle that the elderly woman dropped while passing it to her, tripped over a basket of wool trying to catch it, and hit her head on a rock and fell into a coma.
The band made sure Aurora got to the hospital and had the best doctors they could afford looking after her, even though they weren’t very well off. They found Bella’s new phone number in Aurora’s purse, and called her to let her know that her sister was comatose. That night Bella begged her suitor to let her go see her sister. She could not bear to think of Aurora alone and permanently asleep. Surely there was some hope to be had. While laying out her petition, Bella really looked at the man she sat across from for the first time: he had kind eyes that seemed familiar, and a pleasant voice. He told her that she could go as long as she promised to return as soon as her sister was well. Thinking that her sister may never get well, Bella agreed.
Bella spent that night at her sister’s side. The next morning, a doctor came and introduced himself to her, telling her that he was a neural surgeon and believed that he had a solution to Aurora’s condition, but it would require surgery. The next few hours were tense for Bella. Aurora finally came out of surgery, still unconscious, her condition touch and go, but still alive. Bella fell asleep that night and dreamed of the same young man as she had before. He promised her that everything would be all right and that he would take care of her.
The next morning, Aurora woke back up. She was overjoyed to see Bella and incredibly grateful to the young doctor who had saved her life. Bella could see the sparks between them and was sure that the doctor was going to become a fixture in Aurora’s life, he was so kind and had taken the time to buy her new clothes and a wig to cover up the bald spot she had acquired in surgery prep. During the surgery he had discovered a small brain tumor; tests indicated that it was benign, that they had caught it at the perfect time. Aurora did not have cancer. He also told her that the entire bill had been taken care of by a large gentleman. Upon further questioning of the nurses, all Bella could discern was that he had been a very round fellow that was incredibly nice.
That night, Bella remembered her promise. She told Aurora she would return the next day and rushed back to the country manor. When she arrived, she rushed about the house, trying to find the man of the house, but the place was empty. That night at dinner, the man asked her again if she would marry him, and she said yes. She was sure that he had been the one to pay her sister’s medical bills and felt she owed him this small kindness.
As soon as she said yes, the man stood, took off his evening jacket, and began to take off his shirt. Bella was aghast at first, averted her eyes, because she was unwilling to see his body bared and be repulsed. She did not want to be ashamed of him when she strongly suspected that he had paid her great kindness. However, it was soon clear to see that there wasn’t flesh under his clothes, rather, he wore a padded suit. He unzipped the disguise and stepped out. His build was, in reality, athletic. Next he lifted his hands to his face… and began to peel it off. He pudgy cheeks and bad complexion had been nothing but a mask. The man before her was the one she had dreamed about so many times, he had been the one who provided for Aurora’s medical bills.
Within the next few months, Aurora and Bella’s father’s appeal was successful, and his lawyer was able to prove that the stepmother had taken the money. Aurora and the doctor were dating; she had fully recovered and was learning how to play guitar from one of the guys in the band. Bella and her fiancé had fallen deeply in love, and she had never been happier in her entire life. It was hard for them to imagine after so much heartache, but it did truly seem that all of them were going to live happily ever after… except, of course, the stepmother.
Because the mother had lots of society friends, she threw a lovely party in honor of her baby girls. Unfortunately, the post office had lost one of the invitations, the one meant for her Wiccan sister, and so on the day of the party her sister stormed in, enraged that she had been slighted in such a way. Her sister was just as beautiful as she was, but living in her shadow as a child had made the sister mean and cruel. The sister declared that the family would lose all of its money, her sister would die a premature death, Aurora would be also doomed to an early death inflicted by spindle, and Bella was fated to live the rest of her life in rags. After making this pronouncement, the sister left just as abruptly as she had arrived, leaving the mother and her friends to laugh at such outrageous claims.
Seven years later the mother died abruptly of cancer. Over time, the father fell in love with his wife’s sister and they married; he was never aware of the curse she had placed on him and his daughters. Eight years later his company went bankrupt. He had many debts and no way to pay them. Unfortunately, he was also facing a divorce and criminal charges concerning the way his company had been handled. The bankruptcy was through no fault of his own: in fact, his new wife had embezzled the money right under his nose. Unfortunately the evidence against him was too great; he was convicted of the crime, while his new wife lived comfortably with her pilfered cash.
Meanwhile, she treated her nieces horribly, but because she was their stepmother she was also their legal guardian. Both girls were forced to clean and cook, as if they were hired help, and barely had enough to eat and only one set of clothes to wear. She withdrew them from their private schools and forbade them from talking to their father or friends. Their stepmother was not content with this punishment, she was tired of hearing all of her sister’s old friends saying behind her back that her daughters were more beautiful than she or their mother. She decided to send Bella to marry an old business associate of her husbands who was hideously fat and try to decide what the best torture would be for Aurora, while meanwhile forcing her to do all the chores that the girls had previously shared.
Bella’s new home was outside the city, on a lovely old estate with a garden, aviary, library, pool, and state of the art theater. She was no longer forced to do chores, but spent her days reading, or walking, or listening to the birds sing, or watching movies. She only saw her intended each night, at dinner, and each night he asked her if she would marry him, and each night she refused, claiming that she was too young and did not know him well enough yet. She missed her sister, and kept having strange dreams about Aurora being in danger and of a young man who was incredibly handsome.
Meanwhile, Aurora had run away from home and fallen in with a Celtic band with seven young men in it. She cooked and cleaned for them while they toured, and they gave her a free place to sleep in return. One weekend they were booked at a renaissance faire, which was a nice change of pace for her, because she had never been to one. There were all kinds of things to see: jousting, Falconers, belly dancers, and some older women demonstrating weaving and spinning. She’d never seen anything like spinning before, and was eager to try it. Unluckily, Aurora pricked her finger on the spindle that the elderly woman dropped while passing it to her, tripped over a basket of wool trying to catch it, and hit her head on a rock and fell into a coma.
The band made sure Aurora got to the hospital and had the best doctors they could afford looking after her, even though they weren’t very well off. They found Bella’s new phone number in Aurora’s purse, and called her to let her know that her sister was comatose. That night Bella begged her suitor to let her go see her sister. She could not bear to think of Aurora alone and permanently asleep. Surely there was some hope to be had. While laying out her petition, Bella really looked at the man she sat across from for the first time: he had kind eyes that seemed familiar, and a pleasant voice. He told her that she could go as long as she promised to return as soon as her sister was well. Thinking that her sister may never get well, Bella agreed.
Bella spent that night at her sister’s side. The next morning, a doctor came and introduced himself to her, telling her that he was a neural surgeon and believed that he had a solution to Aurora’s condition, but it would require surgery. The next few hours were tense for Bella. Aurora finally came out of surgery, still unconscious, her condition touch and go, but still alive. Bella fell asleep that night and dreamed of the same young man as she had before. He promised her that everything would be all right and that he would take care of her.
The next morning, Aurora woke back up. She was overjoyed to see Bella and incredibly grateful to the young doctor who had saved her life. Bella could see the sparks between them and was sure that the doctor was going to become a fixture in Aurora’s life, he was so kind and had taken the time to buy her new clothes and a wig to cover up the bald spot she had acquired in surgery prep. During the surgery he had discovered a small brain tumor; tests indicated that it was benign, that they had caught it at the perfect time. Aurora did not have cancer. He also told her that the entire bill had been taken care of by a large gentleman. Upon further questioning of the nurses, all Bella could discern was that he had been a very round fellow that was incredibly nice.
That night, Bella remembered her promise. She told Aurora she would return the next day and rushed back to the country manor. When she arrived, she rushed about the house, trying to find the man of the house, but the place was empty. That night at dinner, the man asked her again if she would marry him, and she said yes. She was sure that he had been the one to pay her sister’s medical bills and felt she owed him this small kindness.
As soon as she said yes, the man stood, took off his evening jacket, and began to take off his shirt. Bella was aghast at first, averted her eyes, because she was unwilling to see his body bared and be repulsed. She did not want to be ashamed of him when she strongly suspected that he had paid her great kindness. However, it was soon clear to see that there wasn’t flesh under his clothes, rather, he wore a padded suit. He unzipped the disguise and stepped out. His build was, in reality, athletic. Next he lifted his hands to his face… and began to peel it off. He pudgy cheeks and bad complexion had been nothing but a mask. The man before her was the one she had dreamed about so many times, he had been the one who provided for Aurora’s medical bills.
Within the next few months, Aurora and Bella’s father’s appeal was successful, and his lawyer was able to prove that the stepmother had taken the money. Aurora and the doctor were dating; she had fully recovered and was learning how to play guitar from one of the guys in the band. Bella and her fiancé had fallen deeply in love, and she had never been happier in her entire life. It was hard for them to imagine after so much heartache, but it did truly seem that all of them were going to live happily ever after… except, of course, the stepmother.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
To Revenge or Not to Revenge? (for Brit Lit)
Revenge is not a new concept; the first murder—when Cain killed Abel—might be construed as revenge. The former brother killed the latter because he had found greater favor with God. In the same way, William Shakespeare’s Hamlet, considers men that potentially “hath the primal eldest curse upon 't” (Hamlet III, iii, 38) because it is all about revenge taken by three sons avenging their fathers, with players ranging from Fortinbras, to Hamlet, and Laertes. Oddly enough, the effects of these revenges and the reactions them are not at all what one might expect.
The play’s first revenger, Fortinbras, has both the first and final word. At the beginning of the play, he is forming an army in order to attack Denmark (I, i, 81-107), despite the fact that the target of his revenge—King Hamlet—is dead (I, ii, 17-39). It is obvious that Claudio does not feel that Fortinbras has a valid reason for taking revenge upon him or Denmark, he dismisses his claims almost casually, proclaiming: “So much for him” (I, ii, 25). Horatio describes him as being: “of unimprovèd mettle hot and full” (i, 95). Even Fortinbras’ uncle rebukes him and makes him “vow.../To give th’ assay of arms against” Denmark (II, ii, 70-71). This form of revenge is clearly looked down upon: King Hamlet’s actions were legal and Fortinbras has no real claim (I, i, 86-95).
This, however, does not stop him from not only getting back what his father lost but presumably claiming all of Denmark for himself in the end. In an odd twist of fate, Hamlet dies proclaiming: “I do prophesy the election lights / On Fortinbras. He has my dying voice” (V, ii, 353-354). In the end not only is Fortinbras’ revenge served, it is presumably not fought against because Fortinbras has “some rights of memory in this kingdom” (390). If Shakespeare’s message comes directly from the mouths of his characters, in this instance he does not seem to disapprove of revenge, even when it just happens to show up at the right time, with all of the players already dead by other hands, in a place it was not supposed to be. Perhaps Fortinbras’ hands are cleaner than the other two sons’, however: he was not the individual who actually performed the act of revenge, he merely benefited from others’ actions.
Hamlet’s first reaction to the ghost seems to be that he trusts its report and will obey its command (I, v, 104-112), but two months later he still has yet to take revenge on Claudio (III, ii, 122). The stigma against revenge is a Christian one, yet Hamlet does not apparently believe in the concept of Heaven and is wondering what exactly does happen after death when he muses:
Despite Polonius’ distasteful action, few would argue that eavesdropping should be punishable by death. As a result, Laertes revenge seems the most justified in many ways, though in many ways he is misled. When he storms the castle, Claudius soothes him, asking: “If you desire to know the certainty / Of your dear father's death, is 't writ in your revenge, / That, swoopstake, you will draw both friend and foe?” (IV, v, 140-142). He does not stand in the way of Laertes revenge (far from it); in fact he flatters him and encourages it (IV, vii, 70-138). Perhaps Claudius is not the best judge to turn to when discerning morality, but he is only trying to assuage the anger and sorrow of his queen and his people (11-24), therefore he must feel as if he can judge their reactions and what he will obtain in the bargain.
It is therefore the ultimate irony that Claudius endorses his own death. To Gertrude he soothes: “There's such divinity doth hedge a king / That treason can but peep to what it would / Acts little of his will” (IV, v, 123-125), while he was the original perpetrator against King Hamlet. To Laertes he promises: “If by direct or by collateral hand / They find us touched, we will our kingdom give, / Our crown, our life, and all that we can ours, / To you in satisfaction” (204-207). It is Claudius’ actions that provoked Hamlet’s murder of Polonius and therefore Hamlet’s revenge upon Claudius that atones for said crime. Laertes ultimately repents of his revenge, declares Claudius “justly served”, forgives Hamlet, and asks Hamlet to forgive him (V, ii, 322-326).
Hamlet is a tangled web of lies and deceit. It is difficult to judge whether Shakespeare was endorsing or censuring the actions of his protagonist and supporting players when he wrapped it up with what one is tempted to label “poetic justice.” He seems sympathetic of their plight in many ways, but brings all of it to a bloody end. It is hard to see any good coming of this situation, but since the reader cannot rewrite the play so Hamlet halts Claudius’ prayers, perhaps this is the best ending that he could give.
The play’s first revenger, Fortinbras, has both the first and final word. At the beginning of the play, he is forming an army in order to attack Denmark (I, i, 81-107), despite the fact that the target of his revenge—King Hamlet—is dead (I, ii, 17-39). It is obvious that Claudio does not feel that Fortinbras has a valid reason for taking revenge upon him or Denmark, he dismisses his claims almost casually, proclaiming: “So much for him” (I, ii, 25). Horatio describes him as being: “of unimprovèd mettle hot and full” (i, 95). Even Fortinbras’ uncle rebukes him and makes him “vow.../To give th’ assay of arms against” Denmark (II, ii, 70-71). This form of revenge is clearly looked down upon: King Hamlet’s actions were legal and Fortinbras has no real claim (I, i, 86-95).
This, however, does not stop him from not only getting back what his father lost but presumably claiming all of Denmark for himself in the end. In an odd twist of fate, Hamlet dies proclaiming: “I do prophesy the election lights / On Fortinbras. He has my dying voice” (V, ii, 353-354). In the end not only is Fortinbras’ revenge served, it is presumably not fought against because Fortinbras has “some rights of memory in this kingdom” (390). If Shakespeare’s message comes directly from the mouths of his characters, in this instance he does not seem to disapprove of revenge, even when it just happens to show up at the right time, with all of the players already dead by other hands, in a place it was not supposed to be. Perhaps Fortinbras’ hands are cleaner than the other two sons’, however: he was not the individual who actually performed the act of revenge, he merely benefited from others’ actions.
Hamlet’s first reaction to the ghost seems to be that he trusts its report and will obey its command (I, v, 104-112), but two months later he still has yet to take revenge on Claudio (III, ii, 122). The stigma against revenge is a Christian one, yet Hamlet does not apparently believe in the concept of Heaven and is wondering what exactly does happen after death when he muses:
To die, to sleep—Conversely, the difference between the play’s other revengers and Hamlet is that he does not simply want Claudio to die: he wants him to go to Hell (which is also quite a contradiction, if he does not actually believe in Heaven). He stays his hand, saying:
No more—and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to—'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished! To die, to sleep.
To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life. (III, i, 62-71)
Now might I do it pat. Now he is a-praying.Hamlet is meant to be the play’s protagonist, its hero, and yet his heart is the darkest of the three revengers. He does not merely wish to be executioner, but judge and jury as well. Simply put, he wants to play the part of God. But staying his hand in this moment turns out to be his damnation. If he would have struck in this instance, Claudio would have gone to Hell because he has not truly repented, moreover Polonius, Ophelia, and Gertrude would not have died as a direct result of his actions. So, in this instance, Shakespeare seems to be saying that a quick revenge would have been the right choice to make.
And now I'll do 't. And so he goes to heaven.
And so am I revenged.—That would be scanned.
A villain kills my father, and, for that,
I, his sole son, do this same villain send To heaven.
Oh, this is hire and salary, not revenge. (III, iii, 73-79)
Despite Polonius’ distasteful action, few would argue that eavesdropping should be punishable by death. As a result, Laertes revenge seems the most justified in many ways, though in many ways he is misled. When he storms the castle, Claudius soothes him, asking: “If you desire to know the certainty / Of your dear father's death, is 't writ in your revenge, / That, swoopstake, you will draw both friend and foe?” (IV, v, 140-142). He does not stand in the way of Laertes revenge (far from it); in fact he flatters him and encourages it (IV, vii, 70-138). Perhaps Claudius is not the best judge to turn to when discerning morality, but he is only trying to assuage the anger and sorrow of his queen and his people (11-24), therefore he must feel as if he can judge their reactions and what he will obtain in the bargain.
It is therefore the ultimate irony that Claudius endorses his own death. To Gertrude he soothes: “There's such divinity doth hedge a king / That treason can but peep to what it would / Acts little of his will” (IV, v, 123-125), while he was the original perpetrator against King Hamlet. To Laertes he promises: “If by direct or by collateral hand / They find us touched, we will our kingdom give, / Our crown, our life, and all that we can ours, / To you in satisfaction” (204-207). It is Claudius’ actions that provoked Hamlet’s murder of Polonius and therefore Hamlet’s revenge upon Claudius that atones for said crime. Laertes ultimately repents of his revenge, declares Claudius “justly served”, forgives Hamlet, and asks Hamlet to forgive him (V, ii, 322-326).
Hamlet is a tangled web of lies and deceit. It is difficult to judge whether Shakespeare was endorsing or censuring the actions of his protagonist and supporting players when he wrapped it up with what one is tempted to label “poetic justice.” He seems sympathetic of their plight in many ways, but brings all of it to a bloody end. It is hard to see any good coming of this situation, but since the reader cannot rewrite the play so Hamlet halts Claudius’ prayers, perhaps this is the best ending that he could give.
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Life in the Dust (for Children's Lit)
Setting plays a large role in Karen Hesse’s Out of the Dust: fourteen year old Billie Jo Kelby lives in the panhandle of Oklahoma, the Dust Bowl, during the Great Depression. During a time when many people are uprooted, searching for work, and starving, Billie Jo discovers that where she lives is a part of herself and digs her roots down deep.
In the Dust Bowl there is a drought and not enough sod to keep the soil from blowing away. The parched land has turned to dust and nothing wants to grow in the soil anymore. Farms did well during World War I, when Europe needed the wheat to survive, but now everyone’s resources have been overextended and everyone is barely getting by. The land isn’t supporting the people anymore, let alone their animals.
Billie Jo’s family goes without and pinches pennies to get by, but they still give to those in need, even when they can’t really afford to give. Children today usually don’t have to worry about going without, or saving nickels, or wondering if the cashier has cheated you out of four pennies. It’s amazing when one realizes that Billie Jo wants to win a talent show so she can win a dollar, and the grand prize is three dollars. The economy has definitely inflated in the past fifty years.
The two things that are most special to Billie Jo are apples and music. Her mother planted two apple trees when she got married and carries pails of water to keep them alive. Every year the family has fresh apples, applesauce, and apple preserves. They put a bowl of apples on top of the piano, which was the father’s wedding gift to the mother. Billie Jo’s mother taught her how to play that piano and now she loves to perform. She dreams of her music taking her away from the dust someday. Her mother plays better than she can, and she dreams of someday playing so beautifully and finding someone that loves her the way her father loves her mother.
When Billie Jo’s mother dies, and her hands are burnt, she can’t play anymore. The piano was her mother’s, so it hurts to think of playing. It hurts to use her hands. Everything hurts. It takes a long time for Billie Jo to heal; she has to run away before she can realize that she is already where she belongs, that the dust is her home, that some things are worth fighting for.
However, it’s not really clear how she comes to this conclusion. The change is abrupt: first she gets on a train, she meets a hobo who has abandoned his family, he steals her food, and then she gets off the train in Arizona and decides to go home. She has dreamt of going to California, of escaping the dust, for the entire book, but she had not made any discernible plans to do so. She does not find the money her mother put aside for college until after she returns home. She hasn’t returned to her piano playing yet, so it is not clear how she intends to support herself. She suddenly decides to leave and just as suddenly decides to return. She never actually gets to her destination, and apparently discovers that she was already where she wanted to be. I suppose this is a practical view on life, something that we all experience from time to time, but also what some part of us usually wants to deny. I suppose this book is saying that you need to make sure you’re fighting for the right things.
In the Dust Bowl there is a drought and not enough sod to keep the soil from blowing away. The parched land has turned to dust and nothing wants to grow in the soil anymore. Farms did well during World War I, when Europe needed the wheat to survive, but now everyone’s resources have been overextended and everyone is barely getting by. The land isn’t supporting the people anymore, let alone their animals.
Billie Jo’s family goes without and pinches pennies to get by, but they still give to those in need, even when they can’t really afford to give. Children today usually don’t have to worry about going without, or saving nickels, or wondering if the cashier has cheated you out of four pennies. It’s amazing when one realizes that Billie Jo wants to win a talent show so she can win a dollar, and the grand prize is three dollars. The economy has definitely inflated in the past fifty years.
The two things that are most special to Billie Jo are apples and music. Her mother planted two apple trees when she got married and carries pails of water to keep them alive. Every year the family has fresh apples, applesauce, and apple preserves. They put a bowl of apples on top of the piano, which was the father’s wedding gift to the mother. Billie Jo’s mother taught her how to play that piano and now she loves to perform. She dreams of her music taking her away from the dust someday. Her mother plays better than she can, and she dreams of someday playing so beautifully and finding someone that loves her the way her father loves her mother.
When Billie Jo’s mother dies, and her hands are burnt, she can’t play anymore. The piano was her mother’s, so it hurts to think of playing. It hurts to use her hands. Everything hurts. It takes a long time for Billie Jo to heal; she has to run away before she can realize that she is already where she belongs, that the dust is her home, that some things are worth fighting for.
However, it’s not really clear how she comes to this conclusion. The change is abrupt: first she gets on a train, she meets a hobo who has abandoned his family, he steals her food, and then she gets off the train in Arizona and decides to go home. She has dreamt of going to California, of escaping the dust, for the entire book, but she had not made any discernible plans to do so. She does not find the money her mother put aside for college until after she returns home. She hasn’t returned to her piano playing yet, so it is not clear how she intends to support herself. She suddenly decides to leave and just as suddenly decides to return. She never actually gets to her destination, and apparently discovers that she was already where she wanted to be. I suppose this is a practical view on life, something that we all experience from time to time, but also what some part of us usually wants to deny. I suppose this book is saying that you need to make sure you’re fighting for the right things.
Friday, November 07, 2008
what Change.gov says about free college
100 hours of community service for $4000 What a ripoff. That's not free, and it certainly isn't guaranteeing that everyone can get a higher education, that won't even cover an entire freshman year, not really, even if they go to podunk MSC like i do.
on the radio...
i heard Mr. Malone be interviewed a few days ago, i think on Sean Hannity. His background and story really struck a cord with me.
Change.gov - Protecting America
Agenda #4 - Homeland Security
Overall, there are several vague criticisms of the lack of security, no doubt aimed at the current administration, but there aren't and specific solutions given. He apparently wants to dump more funding into intelligence (yay, more spending).
This is my favorite, i heard about it on Rush earlier today:
The next two points, when compared to one another, just crack me up:
Re: Preventing Bioterrorism
Here is a nice little bit that i didn't expect about Information Network Security:
Overall, there are several vague criticisms of the lack of security, no doubt aimed at the current administration, but there aren't and specific solutions given. He apparently wants to dump more funding into intelligence (yay, more spending).
"Find, Disrupt, and Destroy Al Qaeda: Obama will responsibly end the war in Iraq and focus on the right battlefield in Afghanistan. An Obama Administration will work with other nations to strengthen their capacity to eliminate shared enemies."Meanwhile the left battlefields will go unwatched (/jk /jk). i am dubious of this claim in light of Obama's stated diplomatic policies, however, i have no problem with renewing focus on Afghanistan.
This is my favorite, i heard about it on Rush earlier today:
Barack Obama will establish a $2 billion Global Education Fund to work to eliminate the global education deficit and offer an alternative to extremist schools.Yay, we're going to pay to educate would-be terrorists.
The next two points, when compared to one another, just crack me up:
"Eliminate Iran's and North Korea's Nuclear Weapons Programs Through Tough, Direct Diplomacy: Barack Obama will use tough diplomacy - backed by real incentives and real pressures - to prevent Iran from acquiring nuclear weapons and to eliminate fully and verifiably North Korea's nuclear weapons program." ... "Prevent Nuclear Fuel from Becoming Nuclear Bombs: Barack Obama will work with other interested governments to establish a new international nuclear energy architecture - including an international nuclear fuel bank, international nuclear fuel cycle centers, and reliable fuel supply assurances - to meet growing demands for nuclear power without contributing to the proliferation of nuclear materials and fuel production facilities."Yes, you read right, Obama wants to follow Clinton's example and give countries that are hostile towards us nuclear power and just hope that they don't develop nuclear weapons because we've been so nice. This is why we're having so much trouble with North Korea. i am wondering how he plans to get any farther with NK or Iran than Bush did when he will not set any preconditions before meeting with these world leaders. Again, Obama wants to make it easier for countries to get their hands on nuclear materials and this is supposed to help defend us. One thing that is a relief, however, is his promise that America will not disarm itself. The irony of this is that he wants to provide the world with nuclear power but denies it to Americans.
Re: Preventing Bioterrorism
"Barack Obama will ensure that decision-makers have the information and communication tools they need to manage disease outbreaks by linking health care providers, hospitals, and public health agencies."Yet another reason to federalize healthcare?
Here is a nice little bit that i didn't expect about Information Network Security:
"Nearly 10 million Americans are victims of identity theft each year, costing more than $55 billion. We must ensure that the privacy of personnel data in computer systems is better protected. The federal government must partner with industry and our citizens to secure personal data stored on government and private systems. An Obama administration will institute a common standard for securing such data across industries and will back strong legislation to protect the rights of individuals in the information age."Homeland Security is one area where i felt that Bush was a bit lax. i am not for losing individual freedoms in order to be safer. i don't think an expensive chain link fence is the answer. At the same time, Obama seems to be looking largely abroad, which is pro-active, but what about what's going on here, in this country?
"Create a National Infrastructure Protection Plan: Barack Obama's Department of Homeland Security will develop an effective critical infrastructure protection and resiliency plan for the nation and will work with the private sector to ensure that targets are protected against both natural disasters and terrorist attacks."This apparently includes chemical plants, airline security, ports, and public transportation. Finally, something that is positive and productive! They also mention border security, but they don't say how they plan to deal with the issue. Hopefully Obama will deliever here; far too often i feel as if his image is saying one thing while he really means another that is completely different.
Create a National Infrastructure Reinvestment Bank: Barack Obama will address the infrastructure challenge by creating a National Infrastructure Reinvestment Bank to expand and enhance, not supplant, existing federal transportation investments. This independent entity will be directed to invest in our nation's most challenging transportation infrastructure needs, without the influence of special interests. The Bank will receive an infusion of federal money, $60 billion over 10 years, to provide financing to transportation infrastructure projects across the nation.I'm not entirely sure what to make of this, other than the fact that it equals yet more spending. The language is far too vague for me to comment.
Change.gov - Iraq
Apparently, the most important thing to Obama is not, as one might expect, national security, it is:
Agenda #2 - Ending the War in Iraq
Anyway, the article goes on to say that it's the fault of the government in Iraq that the war has "failed" and the diplomacy is the solution, diplomacy in the form of standing over their shoulder and making sure they do things our way (in other words, what we want is what's most important and it's our way or the highway).
Astonishingly enough:
Agenda #2 - Ending the War in Iraq
"Inadequate Security and Political Progress in Iraq: Since the surge began, more than 1,000 American troops have died, and despite the improved security situation, the Iraqi government has not stepped forward to lead the Iraqi people and to reach the genuine political accommodation that was the stated purpose of the surge. Our troops have heroically helped reduce civilian casualties in Iraq to early 2006 levels. This is a testament to our military’s hard work, improved counterinsurgency tactics, and enormous sacrifice by our troops and military families. It is also a consequence of the decision of many Sunnis to turn against al Qaeda in Iraq, and a lull in Shia militia activity. But the absence of genuine political accommodation in Iraq is a direct result of President Bush’s failure to hold the Iraqi government accountable."So, as i understand it, the "failure" in Iraq is not the military's fault, it is the government's in Iraq. Wow, way to open your diplomatic relations with them, by accusing them of ineptness. Also, fail to mention how the troop surges have helped and deaths there is at the lowest since the war began.
"Immediately upon taking office, Obama will give his Secretary of Defense and military commanders a new mission in Iraq: ending the war."That's a new mission? Roflmao.
"The removal of our troops will be responsible and phased, directed by military commanders on the ground and done in consultation with the Iraqi government. Military experts believe we can safely redeploy combat brigades from Iraq at a pace of 1 to 2 brigades a month that would remove them in 16 months. That would be the summer of 2010 – more than 7 years after the war began.How is this change? This is what Bush and McCain both said the objective was.
Under the Obama-Biden plan, a residual force will remain in Iraq and in the region to conduct targeted counter-terrorism missions against al Qaeda in Iraq and to protect American diplomatic and civilian personnel. They will not build permanent bases in Iraq, but will continue efforts to train and support the Iraqi security forces as long as Iraqi leaders move toward political reconciliation and away from sectarianism."
Anyway, the article goes on to say that it's the fault of the government in Iraq that the war has "failed" and the diplomacy is the solution, diplomacy in the form of standing over their shoulder and making sure they do things our way (in other words, what we want is what's most important and it's our way or the highway).
"Obama and Biden will form an international working group to address this crisis. They will provide at least $2 billion to expand services to Iraqi refugees in neighboring countries, and ensure that Iraqis inside their own country can find sanctuary. Obama and Biden will also work with Iraqi authorities and the international community to hold the perpetrators of potential war crimes, crimes against humanity, and genocide accountable. They will reserve the right to intervene militarily, with our international partners, to suppress potential genocidal violence within Iraq."Wow, i thought we already had a coalition, silly me. Also, genocidal violence is part of the reason that we overthrew Hussein, something Obama was against. Is it suddenly a concern now?
Astonishingly enough:
"As our forces redeploy, Obama and Biden will make sure we engage representatives from all levels of Iraqi society—in and out of government—to forge compromises on oil revenue sharing, the equitable provision of services, federalism, the status of disputed territories, new elections, aid to displaced Iraqis, and the reform of Iraqi security forces."Apparently it is now about oil and we are going to redistribute wealth in Iraq. Incidentally, "Aggressive Diplomacy" is an oxy moron that is usually used to denote a policy that says: "If you don't agree with us, we'll just kill you." And i thought Iraq was an ally (silly me).
Change.gov - Healthcare
Agenda #3 - Providing Health Care for All
Before i even click on the link, i have to ask myself... who is "all"? Because i have no interest in providing health care for the entire world, i don't even believe that it's the government's job to provide health care for me. i remember how everyone in my State and Local Government class thought it was a great idea, and then i told them how, when Joshua had a swelling on his head last Christmas, when my sister/his mother took him in, the government didn't want to pay for the tests that he needed to ensure that there was nothing horribly wrong and that he wasn't getting brain damage. Joshua's father is in the Army and all of his healthcare is courtesy of the U.S. government.
All businesses work this way. i'm sure there are some individuals out there who are doing anything they can to make a product, but Insurance Companies--like every other business--are providing a service to us, and you're not going to pay for a service that doesn't provide for your needs. At least i won't. Why would i want to throw my money away like that? Insurance companies need to be meeting the needs of the people, not the government, and last i checked the government is not meeting my needs because it's too busy sticking its nose where it doesn't belong.
Now, on face value, the next statement sounds well and good:
Interestingly enough:
Before i even click on the link, i have to ask myself... who is "all"? Because i have no interest in providing health care for the entire world, i don't even believe that it's the government's job to provide health care for me. i remember how everyone in my State and Local Government class thought it was a great idea, and then i told them how, when Joshua had a swelling on his head last Christmas, when my sister/his mother took him in, the government didn't want to pay for the tests that he needed to ensure that there was nothing horribly wrong and that he wasn't getting brain damage. Joshua's father is in the Army and all of his healthcare is courtesy of the U.S. government.
"On health care reform, the American people are too often offered two extremes - government-run health care with higher taxes or letting the insurance companies operate without rules. Barack Obama and Joe Biden believe both of these extremes are wrong, and that’s why they’ve proposed a plan that strengthens employer coverage, makes insurance companies accountable and ensures patient choice of doctor and care without government interference...Under the Obama-Biden plan, patients will be able to make health care decisions with their doctors, instead of being blocked by insurance company bureaucrats."This is ludicrous, those of us who are against federalizing health care are not asking for no rules, we're asking for less rules, particularly those who are harmful to the quality of the care we receive as a result. They seem to have a pipe dream about what federalized healthcare will mean, which tells me that they are either ignorant or lying through those smiles. What they are telling us is not how federalized healthcare works, look at the systems in Europe for proof.
"Make Health Insurance Work for People and Businesses - Not Just Insurance and Drug Companies."Okay, this seems to be a very common fallacy; it has to do with the economy, something which healthcare is part of. Thoreau wrote about this a little, how someone cannot simply make a product and assume that people will buy it, they have to make something useful and worthwhile. This is also true of healthcare: if they are going to try to sell immunizations for bubonic plague this fall, not many people are going to pay for that, because no one needs it. So the drug companies make the Flu Vaccine instead, for a disease that has not virtually died out and people deal with all around the world every year.
All businesses work this way. i'm sure there are some individuals out there who are doing anything they can to make a product, but Insurance Companies--like every other business--are providing a service to us, and you're not going to pay for a service that doesn't provide for your needs. At least i won't. Why would i want to throw my money away like that? Insurance companies need to be meeting the needs of the people, not the government, and last i checked the government is not meeting my needs because it's too busy sticking its nose where it doesn't belong.
Now, on face value, the next statement sounds well and good:
"Require insurance companies to cover pre-existing conditions so all Americans regardless of their health status or history can get comprehensive benefits at fair and stable premiums."However, this displays ignorance about how Insurance works. Insurance companies have to decide how risky a patient is. If the person has a pre-existing and very expensive condition they are either going to charge a lot of money or not cover a person at all. In the same way, who are they going to charge? There is only two choices available, they must either charge the risky person more, thus negating the benefits of having insurance in the first place, or they must charge everyone (that is to say, everyone who buys their insurance) more. It's a lose lose situation: either people will realize that they're paying too much and have to discontinue their policy (further adding to the problem) or this Nameless Insurance Company is going to have to eat the difference themselves and eventually go bankrupt. The way that Obama's ideology works would most likely indicate that healthcare will be federalized, everyone will pay the same amount in taxes, and in another redistribution of wealth the people who are too sick to work will reap the greatest benefits. i am no economist, but this isn't rocket science (to combine figures of speech, lol).
Interestingly enough:
"Lower drug costs by allowing the importation of safe medicines from other developed countries, increasing the use of generic drugs in public programs and taking on drug companies that block cheaper generic medicines from the market."So we're going to import cheap drugs, then slap a tax on it, thus negating the cheap price. After all, the policy on the Economy page states:
"End Tax Breaks for Companies that Send Jobs Overseas."And now, the kicker, they finally tell you how they're going to foot the bill:
"A Commitment to Fiscal Responsibility: Barack Obama will pay for his $50 - $65 billion health care reform effort by rolling back the Bush tax cuts for Americans earning more than $250,000 per year and retaining the estate tax at its 2009 level."Need i say more?
the bars tighten part ii
Okay, i remember what i wanted to say finally (it was OT when it came to the economy anyway), and has to do with the election. It was originally predicted that Bush would nominate and replace three supreme court justices, and as i recall he only replaced one, refilling a conservative seat with much resistance. So the Supreme Court is still largely liberal, and if Obama nominates justices it promises to only become moreso.
Congress had a 9% approval rating last i heard, so i was hoping that on election day we would see change. But did we? No. Not only was the Democrat majority upheld, it was strengthened. Again, wth were they thinking? More of the same, lets build a Congress that will surely have even less approval than before.
What i am concerned about, obviously, is checks and balances. We have three branches of government that are supposed to ensure that none of the others get out of hand and start passing/signing/upholding laws that are not constitutionally sound. This is even more important when the President Elect believes that the Constitution is a flawed document that should be largely repealed. So we now have a very dangerous situation because for the next two years at least we will not have any checks and balances in place most likely, as all three of the branches are going to be collectively patting themselves on the back and instituting massive changes that are going to be increasingly socialist in nature.
This is why i'm so pissed off and scared. Obama has been given a blank check.
Congress had a 9% approval rating last i heard, so i was hoping that on election day we would see change. But did we? No. Not only was the Democrat majority upheld, it was strengthened. Again, wth were they thinking? More of the same, lets build a Congress that will surely have even less approval than before.
What i am concerned about, obviously, is checks and balances. We have three branches of government that are supposed to ensure that none of the others get out of hand and start passing/signing/upholding laws that are not constitutionally sound. This is even more important when the President Elect believes that the Constitution is a flawed document that should be largely repealed. So we now have a very dangerous situation because for the next two years at least we will not have any checks and balances in place most likely, as all three of the branches are going to be collectively patting themselves on the back and instituting massive changes that are going to be increasingly socialist in nature.
This is why i'm so pissed off and scared. Obama has been given a blank check.
Change.gov - Economy
So what is the new direction that Obama is planning to take the country in? What change is he bringing? For answers, we need look no farther than Change.gov: Office of the President-Elect
Agenda #1 - Revitalizing the Economy
But i digress, the first thing Obama wants to do is tax those evil oil companies and their "excess profits"; read: he wants to raise the price of gas again. Next, he wants to pump $50 billion into the economy to protect programs such as:
I'm not going to give a blow by blow of all of this, some of his economic plan actually seems to be okay, yet at the same time i can't help but wonder where he's going to get the money. Sorry, i know i'm a broken record, but it's a legitimate question. There's so many earmarks here, so much increased spending, how long will it be before he not only repeals the Bush tax cuts but raises taxes? i suppose they don't expect me to care because i am so poor that i'll be getting the good end of the redistribution of wealth, but i do. i think he's continuing to woo people into a false sense of security.
There's more i want to say, but i'm so braindead right now that it's hard to put it into words (stupid headache). As Katie said earlier today, everyone has the Right to Pursue Happiness, but that doesn't mean that the government should penalize those that are successful at it and reward those who aren't or, worse yet, aren't actually pursuing. There was something else i meant to say, but i can't remember what it was, maybe it will come back to me.
Agenda #1 - Revitalizing the Economy
"[The Bush] administration has refused to tackle health care, education and housing in a manner that benefits the middle class."What does this have to do with the economy? So all of Bush's education reform wasn't meant to benefit the middle class... i'm not an expert on what changes Bush made, but i do believe in school vouchers and charter schools. i also believe that it is not the government's job to provide its citizens with housing, which was one of the campaign points for those supporting Mark Udall (Senator-elect from Colorado), because Bob Schaffer refused to raise taxes to pay for the housing of Veterans.
But i digress, the first thing Obama wants to do is tax those evil oil companies and their "excess profits"; read: he wants to raise the price of gas again. Next, he wants to pump $50 billion into the economy to protect programs such as:
"...health, education, housing, and heating assistance or counterproductive increases in property taxes, tolls or fees."So... where is the 50 bil coming from? Again, why is this the government's job? /sigh Moving on:
"Provide a Tax Cut for Working Families: Obama and Biden will restore fairness to the tax code and provide 150 million workers the tax relief they need. Obama and Biden will create a new "Making Work Pay" tax credit of up to $500 per person, or $1,000 per working family. The 'Making Work Pay' tax credit will completely eliminate income taxes for 10 million Americans."Ah, our first redistribution of wealth! Question, if your child is making money, are they exempt from this when both of their parents are already getting the credit? It says two per family. So everyone is now going to get a incentive check automatically every year and again, who is going to be paying for this? Next he wants to "Eliminate Income Taxes for Seniors Making Less than $50,000" and "Simplify Tax Filings for Middle Class Americans." They sound like tax cuts, how magnanimous of him, it almost sounds too good to be true. Of course, no one has ever doubted that, as a Democrat, he would be looking out for the poor, that is a given. Thus you see more largesse in action.
"Double Funding for the Manufacturing Extension Partnership."This was expected, it's why he was voted for in states such as Minnesota and Michigan. Still, where is the money coming from? Yet more spending?
"Invest In A Clean Energy Economy And Create 5 Million New Green Jobs: Obama and Biden will invest $150 billion over 10 years to advance the next generation of biofuels and fuel infrastructure, accelerate the commercialization of plug-in hybrids, promote development of commercial scale renewable energy, invest in low emissions coal plants, and begin transition to a new digital electricity grid. The plan will also invest in America's highly-skilled manufacturing workforce and manufacturing centers to ensure that American workers have the skills and tools they need to pioneer the first wave of green technologies that will be in high demand throughout the world."Okay, so Glenn Beck was recently talking about how GM can make cars that make 90 mpg but Congress won't let them because they're not hybrid and don't have a alternative fuel source. Apparently even a required 30 mpg isn't enough for them anymore. Obama wants to force us to use these alternative fuels and hybrid cars that the consumers don't want. The Light Green Conservationist in me shudders, we are now going to be forced to foot the bill for research and development. i don't like the government telling me that i have to go green, no matter how much i believe in it. i do believe in it, but it's not their right to tell me that i have to buy a hybrid car, or that i'm not doing enough to protect the environment.
"Obama and Biden will also increase the minimum wage and index it to inflation to ensure it rises every year."Wow. A never ending cycle of inflation. Ensure that those small businesses can't hire more people, and that large businesses hire less. Nice.
"Expand the Child and Dependent Care Tax Credit"Interesting, this seems to be counter-intuitive to the promised raising of a marriage tax.
I'm not going to give a blow by blow of all of this, some of his economic plan actually seems to be okay, yet at the same time i can't help but wonder where he's going to get the money. Sorry, i know i'm a broken record, but it's a legitimate question. There's so many earmarks here, so much increased spending, how long will it be before he not only repeals the Bush tax cuts but raises taxes? i suppose they don't expect me to care because i am so poor that i'll be getting the good end of the redistribution of wealth, but i do. i think he's continuing to woo people into a false sense of security.
There's more i want to say, but i'm so braindead right now that it's hard to put it into words (stupid headache). As Katie said earlier today, everyone has the Right to Pursue Happiness, but that doesn't mean that the government should penalize those that are successful at it and reward those who aren't or, worse yet, aren't actually pursuing. There was something else i meant to say, but i can't remember what it was, maybe it will come back to me.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
the bars tighten
i have come to the conclusion that the majority of people who voted in this election are on either meth or crack. It's the only explanation that makes sense, really; after all, Oprah was rejoicing with those first time voters who had been clean for a week. i don't want to think badly of my fellow Americans, but really this is the only logical explanation.
WTH WERE THOSE PEOPLE THINKING?!?
i was listening to Glenn Beck this morning, as is my wont. He said that when the new tax plans go into effect he will be paying 65-70% of his income in taxes, plus he tithes, so he is going to have to live off of about 20% of his income. A family of four in Manhattan needs an income of $150,000 just to survive, meanwhile cops make $30,000 a year and their jobs are the first thing on the chopping block when it comes to cutting spending in NYC. i love NY, don't you?
i have to go to class, even though my thought is not yet complete. Let me just finish with this: when i was making $6.40 an hour, i was paying a third of my income in taxes. Obama is planning to repeal the Bush tax cuts; how much am i going to have to pay in taxes then? i can't support myself, what would even be the point in working? in trying? It's going to be yet another uphill battle.
WTH WERE THOSE PEOPLE THINKING?!?
i was listening to Glenn Beck this morning, as is my wont. He said that when the new tax plans go into effect he will be paying 65-70% of his income in taxes, plus he tithes, so he is going to have to live off of about 20% of his income. A family of four in Manhattan needs an income of $150,000 just to survive, meanwhile cops make $30,000 a year and their jobs are the first thing on the chopping block when it comes to cutting spending in NYC. i love NY, don't you?
"A Democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can exist only until the voters discover that they can vote themselves largesse from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates promising the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that a Democracy always collapses over loose fiscal policy, always followed by a Dictatorship.i wrote about this two years ago, and we have now shifting into from apathy into dependency. How did it come to this? What were those people thinking, besides "Oo, free healthcare, college, and a redistribution of wealth!" because that is what Obama promised, that is what he ran on, Socialism, Marxism, higher taxes, etc., ad nauseum (he even admitted this from time to time, when he wasn't trying to lie about it).
The average age of the world's greatest civilizations has been 200 years. These nations have progressed through this sequence: From bondage to spiritual faith; from spiritual faith to great courage; from courage to liberty; from liberty to abundance; from abundance to selfishness; from selfishness to complacency; from complacency to apathy; from apathy to dependency; from dependency back again into bondage."
i have to go to class, even though my thought is not yet complete. Let me just finish with this: when i was making $6.40 an hour, i was paying a third of my income in taxes. Obama is planning to repeal the Bush tax cuts; how much am i going to have to pay in taxes then? i can't support myself, what would even be the point in working? in trying? It's going to be yet another uphill battle.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Obama/Palin '08
Mom found this on one of her homeschool message boards, and when i overheard i knew that i had to post it here. Apparently this is from the Howard Stern show, which surprised me because i had never heard his program before, and didn't realize that they talked about stuff like this. Anyway, i could say something mean, but i'll let this astounding audio speak for itself....
Friday, October 31, 2008
Cto5k W5D3
i had no idea how i was going to get through twenty minutes of running, it seemed impossible. The first time i crossed the cattleguard i had to walk for a few seconds because i couldn't catch my breath. As soon as it was under control i pushed on. i stopped for a couple of seconds at the turn around point to get a drink of water and i felt like i could use it. So all together i rested for about 30s, and that was all i needed. The second time i crossed the cattleguard i felt like i could keep going forever. By the time i got to the last hill, though, i was having trouble pushing through it. i had turned around a little too early so i was running up a hill that i normally walk up during my cooldown. But i keep persevering and got through it, week 5 is now complete. It's unbelievable to me that i can say it.
It's also unbelievable to me that after seven weeks of running, i have only lost five pounds at best. It's incredibly discouraging after all the work i've put in. On Monday people were laughing at me and rude, and i was in pain, and i pushed through it. An hour later i got a cramp in my diaphragm. Half an hour after that my back cramped and i fell on the floor in pain, waiting for it to end. On Wednesday i barely finished both of my intervals. Today the last 2-3 minutes were incredibly hard. My left foot was in pain, i'm not sure why, i think my muscles were trying to decide whether they were going to keep working or cramp up on me. i could not have ran any farther, i don't know how i finished to be perfectly honest.
i know that i've made a lot of progress, that my lung capacity has improved, and my muscles can work for longer than ever before, but i still feel like i'm failing. i'm running so very slowly and still can't lose weight. i honestly don't know how i get through each day, it's a roller coaster, one minute i feel fine, and fifteen minutes later i'm depressed, and fifteen minutes later--if i don't let myself dwell on the pain--i feel fine again. But the instant i start thinking about the pain i crash again.
i am exhausted. i have no self confidence, am lonely, am having to force myself to continue to do my school work, i have no hope. i don't know what to do, i can't figure things out, i'm not feeling better no matter how hard i try, i feel like a failure. Next week, we may have a socialist for our president elect, and that terrifies me. This week, i am alone, with no prospects, and that terrifies me, too. i try so hard and my life just doesn't get better. i pray, and God gives me a second wind when i'm running, or maybe even a breeze, and i'm grateful, but it isn't enough. For all i know, something is going to happen to make me fall apart, because i'm barely holding it together, and something worse always happens eventually, always. God still doesn't answer my prayers and i don't have anything else to give and i don't know what to do. As always, just when i think things can't get any worse, they do: they so do.
It's also unbelievable to me that after seven weeks of running, i have only lost five pounds at best. It's incredibly discouraging after all the work i've put in. On Monday people were laughing at me and rude, and i was in pain, and i pushed through it. An hour later i got a cramp in my diaphragm. Half an hour after that my back cramped and i fell on the floor in pain, waiting for it to end. On Wednesday i barely finished both of my intervals. Today the last 2-3 minutes were incredibly hard. My left foot was in pain, i'm not sure why, i think my muscles were trying to decide whether they were going to keep working or cramp up on me. i could not have ran any farther, i don't know how i finished to be perfectly honest.
i know that i've made a lot of progress, that my lung capacity has improved, and my muscles can work for longer than ever before, but i still feel like i'm failing. i'm running so very slowly and still can't lose weight. i honestly don't know how i get through each day, it's a roller coaster, one minute i feel fine, and fifteen minutes later i'm depressed, and fifteen minutes later--if i don't let myself dwell on the pain--i feel fine again. But the instant i start thinking about the pain i crash again.
i am exhausted. i have no self confidence, am lonely, am having to force myself to continue to do my school work, i have no hope. i don't know what to do, i can't figure things out, i'm not feeling better no matter how hard i try, i feel like a failure. Next week, we may have a socialist for our president elect, and that terrifies me. This week, i am alone, with no prospects, and that terrifies me, too. i try so hard and my life just doesn't get better. i pray, and God gives me a second wind when i'm running, or maybe even a breeze, and i'm grateful, but it isn't enough. For all i know, something is going to happen to make me fall apart, because i'm barely holding it together, and something worse always happens eventually, always. God still doesn't answer my prayers and i don't have anything else to give and i don't know what to do. As always, just when i think things can't get any worse, they do: they so do.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
searching for a husband
Looking for Love Like a Peasant
Subversive Virginity
For months i have been trying to figure out what i did wrong in my one and only dating relationship (HA! there was no dating involved). My ex was utterly uncommunicative on this point, he merely let me know that being interested in how he is doing is "nagging" and being honest about how i feel and expecting him to treat me with respect is "excuses." i keep seeing these ads for an e-book that will reveal how to catch and keep a man... i just get the nagging feeling that the man who wrote the book is saying that all failed relationships are the woman's fault. i don't want to pay to read that; i can't afford to.
So the Christian sites say to be modest... check. Feminine... not my strong point, but i am trying. Though i have always wondered what the point is in wearing makeup, curling your hair, etc., when you're only hiding the real you and i happen to like the way the real me looks save for the fact that i wish i weighed a lot less. i cannot control this, i didn't do anything to gain the weight, and all my attempts to lose it have proven to be an utter failure, even now when i am working so very hard at it. i don't understand the dating game, i have no prospective men in my life, i have no idea what to do, only that i am still far to obsessed with my ex and am wondering why, if "giving up" is supposed to be the answer then i still haven't found anyone??? After all, i never pursued dating relationships in high school or beyond, i never was trying as it was, and i did give up for a long time, which completely broke my heart, so if i'm damned if i do and damned if i don't then what am i supposed to do???
How are you supposed to live your life for what it is today when you have... nothing? i am a peasant, what do i bring to a marriage? i can't find a job. My education will bring nothing to a marriage, i learned how to be a wife and mother from my mother and grandmother. How am i supposed to live the life a wife and homemaker when i have no husband or home? Such a supposition is utterly ridiculous!
One of the articles i read tonight said that you don't need to wait for God's timing to find a husband, that one isn't single because they aren't spiritually ready yet... then why am i still waiting? Why is it that only one eligible male has displayed interest in me throughout my entire adult life, and he obviously didn't really want me and for some inexplicable reason felt like destroying my already fragile self esteem? No, i do not count the attention of the one "Wiccan/Christian" guy that was recently introduced to me because he is in no way eligible.
i don't have a bunch of things that i have accomplished, things i can bring to a relationship, because the one relationship i had never really was one. He didn't reciprocate my feelings, emotionally abused me, never took me on a date or treated me as if i were special. i hate talking about him this way, i keep searching for some explanation (surely there is a reasonable one), but i can't find it. The truth is that he hid my existence from his family and friends, broke his promises, and used me. Sure, he made me laugh, he gave me hope, he came to meet me, but it wasn't enough. A lady needs to know that she is respected, cherished, protected, etc. i still haven't found that.
Where am i supposed to find a guy? Another article suggested going to sports bars, taking night classes, learning how to play poker, and other loads of tripe. i don't like football, i don't want a leering, half drunk male. College has gotten me nowhere with men. i don't gamble. While it is true that i would like to marry a man who is educated, why would i use college as a dating service? i'm there to learn (one can only hope).
i am so tired of waiting. i do not want to hear that it will happen for me eventually, i have already been waiting for over a decade. i do not want to reach the age of thirty only to discover that i am still single and childless. i am not accomplishing anything by being single, i am not able to travel the world, party all night, or anything else that is utterly unfulfilling. i hate being a virgin, i hate burning and trying not to burn and being so stupid as to think that random men and movie stars might one day swoop down and make my waiting worthwhile. If it hasn't happened in the past decade then why would it suddenly happen once i turn 27? It's all such utter b.s. It doesn't matter if i'm thin or fat, if my hair is long or short, if i wear feminine clothing or masculine, none of it has ever gotten me anywhere. i have never had a prospective mate and not for lack of trying (it is now clear that with my ex i was only fooling myself because he did nothing to imply that he actually wanted to marry me).
How is it good for anyone's self esteem to always be the one wanting and never the one wanted, or if i was ever wanted, why have i never ever been pursued? i am so tired of pursuing everyone and everything, God, a husband, a friend, a healthy body, happiness, a story to write, a job, a ministry, anything to make my life worthwhile. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick" (Proverbs 13:12), and as a result i am very, very sick. Everything in my life is deferred, i am continually waiting because everything that i pursue, sweat, bleed, and cry for, never ever comes to fruition. i'm living in my parent's attic with thousands of dollars of debt trying to get an education and be selfless, serving the needs of others, how is it helping?
How can i have such horribly bad luck? But i don't believe in luck. "Delight yourself in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4)... only He doesn't. When have i ever gotten the desire of my heart? The last time i can think of was in preschool when i got to be the bunny rabbit in the stupid Christmas pageant, how does someone devote over twenty years of service to God and not get any of their heart's desires fulfilled?!? i feel like i've wasted my entire life, but what was i supposed to do? i love God, i adore Him, i will do anything for Him that He asks, and what have i gotten for it?
i don't want to be selfish: i just want to find a way to survive. i am tired of being depressed, of wondering if i'm going crazy when i feel so sane and normal. i am tired of being so alone when i'm trying so hard to make friends and fulfill others' expectations. i try so hard to fulfill God's expectations, even though i really have no idea what they are anymore. i am so lost. i am exhausted.
Is it too much to ask for a little reward for my hard work?
Subversive Virginity
For months i have been trying to figure out what i did wrong in my one and only dating relationship (HA! there was no dating involved). My ex was utterly uncommunicative on this point, he merely let me know that being interested in how he is doing is "nagging" and being honest about how i feel and expecting him to treat me with respect is "excuses." i keep seeing these ads for an e-book that will reveal how to catch and keep a man... i just get the nagging feeling that the man who wrote the book is saying that all failed relationships are the woman's fault. i don't want to pay to read that; i can't afford to.
So the Christian sites say to be modest... check. Feminine... not my strong point, but i am trying. Though i have always wondered what the point is in wearing makeup, curling your hair, etc., when you're only hiding the real you and i happen to like the way the real me looks save for the fact that i wish i weighed a lot less. i cannot control this, i didn't do anything to gain the weight, and all my attempts to lose it have proven to be an utter failure, even now when i am working so very hard at it. i don't understand the dating game, i have no prospective men in my life, i have no idea what to do, only that i am still far to obsessed with my ex and am wondering why, if "giving up" is supposed to be the answer then i still haven't found anyone??? After all, i never pursued dating relationships in high school or beyond, i never was trying as it was, and i did give up for a long time, which completely broke my heart, so if i'm damned if i do and damned if i don't then what am i supposed to do???
How are you supposed to live your life for what it is today when you have... nothing? i am a peasant, what do i bring to a marriage? i can't find a job. My education will bring nothing to a marriage, i learned how to be a wife and mother from my mother and grandmother. How am i supposed to live the life a wife and homemaker when i have no husband or home? Such a supposition is utterly ridiculous!
One of the articles i read tonight said that you don't need to wait for God's timing to find a husband, that one isn't single because they aren't spiritually ready yet... then why am i still waiting? Why is it that only one eligible male has displayed interest in me throughout my entire adult life, and he obviously didn't really want me and for some inexplicable reason felt like destroying my already fragile self esteem? No, i do not count the attention of the one "Wiccan/Christian" guy that was recently introduced to me because he is in no way eligible.
i don't have a bunch of things that i have accomplished, things i can bring to a relationship, because the one relationship i had never really was one. He didn't reciprocate my feelings, emotionally abused me, never took me on a date or treated me as if i were special. i hate talking about him this way, i keep searching for some explanation (surely there is a reasonable one), but i can't find it. The truth is that he hid my existence from his family and friends, broke his promises, and used me. Sure, he made me laugh, he gave me hope, he came to meet me, but it wasn't enough. A lady needs to know that she is respected, cherished, protected, etc. i still haven't found that.
Where am i supposed to find a guy? Another article suggested going to sports bars, taking night classes, learning how to play poker, and other loads of tripe. i don't like football, i don't want a leering, half drunk male. College has gotten me nowhere with men. i don't gamble. While it is true that i would like to marry a man who is educated, why would i use college as a dating service? i'm there to learn (one can only hope).
i am so tired of waiting. i do not want to hear that it will happen for me eventually, i have already been waiting for over a decade. i do not want to reach the age of thirty only to discover that i am still single and childless. i am not accomplishing anything by being single, i am not able to travel the world, party all night, or anything else that is utterly unfulfilling. i hate being a virgin, i hate burning and trying not to burn and being so stupid as to think that random men and movie stars might one day swoop down and make my waiting worthwhile. If it hasn't happened in the past decade then why would it suddenly happen once i turn 27? It's all such utter b.s. It doesn't matter if i'm thin or fat, if my hair is long or short, if i wear feminine clothing or masculine, none of it has ever gotten me anywhere. i have never had a prospective mate and not for lack of trying (it is now clear that with my ex i was only fooling myself because he did nothing to imply that he actually wanted to marry me).
How is it good for anyone's self esteem to always be the one wanting and never the one wanted, or if i was ever wanted, why have i never ever been pursued? i am so tired of pursuing everyone and everything, God, a husband, a friend, a healthy body, happiness, a story to write, a job, a ministry, anything to make my life worthwhile. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick" (Proverbs 13:12), and as a result i am very, very sick. Everything in my life is deferred, i am continually waiting because everything that i pursue, sweat, bleed, and cry for, never ever comes to fruition. i'm living in my parent's attic with thousands of dollars of debt trying to get an education and be selfless, serving the needs of others, how is it helping?
How can i have such horribly bad luck? But i don't believe in luck. "Delight yourself in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4)... only He doesn't. When have i ever gotten the desire of my heart? The last time i can think of was in preschool when i got to be the bunny rabbit in the stupid Christmas pageant, how does someone devote over twenty years of service to God and not get any of their heart's desires fulfilled?!? i feel like i've wasted my entire life, but what was i supposed to do? i love God, i adore Him, i will do anything for Him that He asks, and what have i gotten for it?
i don't want to be selfish: i just want to find a way to survive. i am tired of being depressed, of wondering if i'm going crazy when i feel so sane and normal. i am tired of being so alone when i'm trying so hard to make friends and fulfill others' expectations. i try so hard to fulfill God's expectations, even though i really have no idea what they are anymore. i am so lost. i am exhausted.
Is it too much to ask for a little reward for my hard work?
Monday, October 27, 2008
The Wall: Growing Up Behind the Iron Curtain (oral report for Children's Lit)
Written and Illustrated by Peter SÃs
New York: Frances Foster Books, 2007.
The Wall: Growing Up Behind the Iron Curtain is an auto-biographical picture book written and illustrated by Peter SÃs and was published in 2007. SÃs wrote The Wall because, when his children as young teenagers asked him what it was like to grow up in the communist city of Prague, Czechoslovakia, during the Cold War he found that it was difficult to explain how he wasn’t allowed to draw what he wanted in school, or listen to rock and roll, and how America seemed so much brighter and full of hope compared to his life. So he wrote and illustrated this book instead, using his own journal entries, photographs, and paintings to help remember.
The book follows SÃs as he draws his way through life from birth, through his childhood, and into young adulthood. It tells the author’s story in a simple way that younger children can enjoy, but it also has content such as definitions and history that will probably only be fully appreciated by children that are a little older, probably in the mid to upper elementary grades. Thought the main character is a boy, I think that anyone of any age can appreciate and learn from this book.
The illustrations are complex and full of details despite the fact that most are only in black and white and red, which emphasizes the conformity and national loyalty that the Czechoslovakian people were expected to display. This book would not have worked without the illustrations. The protagonist’s artwork and dreams are always bright and full of color and therefore very clearly breaking the rules. Sometimes the color is hiding in corners, in fact there is only one full color illustration in the book, which is the type of drawing that he had to hide and he was full of hope, compared with another that depicts the kind of things he was supposed to draw in elementary school, and the dark events that happened when censorship resumed after a brief period of more freedom.
New York: Frances Foster Books, 2007.
The Wall: Growing Up Behind the Iron Curtain is an auto-biographical picture book written and illustrated by Peter SÃs and was published in 2007. SÃs wrote The Wall because, when his children as young teenagers asked him what it was like to grow up in the communist city of Prague, Czechoslovakia, during the Cold War he found that it was difficult to explain how he wasn’t allowed to draw what he wanted in school, or listen to rock and roll, and how America seemed so much brighter and full of hope compared to his life. So he wrote and illustrated this book instead, using his own journal entries, photographs, and paintings to help remember.
The book follows SÃs as he draws his way through life from birth, through his childhood, and into young adulthood. It tells the author’s story in a simple way that younger children can enjoy, but it also has content such as definitions and history that will probably only be fully appreciated by children that are a little older, probably in the mid to upper elementary grades. Thought the main character is a boy, I think that anyone of any age can appreciate and learn from this book.
The illustrations are complex and full of details despite the fact that most are only in black and white and red, which emphasizes the conformity and national loyalty that the Czechoslovakian people were expected to display. This book would not have worked without the illustrations. The protagonist’s artwork and dreams are always bright and full of color and therefore very clearly breaking the rules. Sometimes the color is hiding in corners, in fact there is only one full color illustration in the book, which is the type of drawing that he had to hide and he was full of hope, compared with another that depicts the kind of things he was supposed to draw in elementary school, and the dark events that happened when censorship resumed after a brief period of more freedom.
oowwwwwieeeeee a.k.a. Cto5k W5D1 redux
So i ran today outside in the elements and it was a pleasant 70 degrees. i drove by Stocker Stadium and kids (/gasp, i mean, young adults of the high school variety) were unloading football and cheerleading paraphernalia off a bus, so i decided to keep driving. i didn't want to run on the indoor track in the stuffy gym, so i headed to Sherwood Park and had my first sidewalk running experience. It wasn't entirely pleasant. Oh, the weather was nearly perfect, but it's not fun dodging teenagers and senior citizens and smokers when you feel like you're making a fool of yourself to begin with. Today i was running "really really slowly... Hit it like you mean it!" and at least two cars drove by full of teenagers that were laughing their heads off right when they passed me (hey, maybe i'm just paranoid, but it still felt like it was directed towards me). So... between the being paranoid about people watching, the chance of slipping on leaves, and otherwise injuring myself when i was already sore (i have no idea why)... it wasn't the most pleasant experience. My shins felt the impact most of all, and my back was unpleasantly tight, but i will say that it wasn't my lung capacity that was at fault for a change. i finished all three intervals, save for stopping 10-15s short at the end of my second (why didn't i just push through...? Maybe because my legs were killing me and it was all i could do to keep walking). Sherwood Park is definitely more hilly then you would think when just driving by, but the inclines, while not that lengthy, were definitely more steep than what i am used to. Yes, today was definitely a challenge.
For some reason, i was the only person exercising in the entire park. There was someone sleeping under a tree that made me feel a completely different type of paranoia ("if he jumps up and starts chasing me, i don't have the energy or adrenaline to run away... when is this interval going to be over?!?"), the four standing in the middle of the sidewalk laughed at me because i am wearing a "I Voted Touchscreen" sticker, and the smoker and senior citizen were surprised when i waved (in fact, the old fogie was utterly unresponsive). Yeah, not the funnest half hour, but i got through it.
Now i have to get back to my oral report for Children's Lit tomorrow. It took three librarians and me a while to find the book i was looking for (The Wall: Growing Up Behind the Iron Curtain by Peter Sis) because i couldn't remember the author, thought he was Ukranian instead of Czech, and was in Non-Fiction rather than with the auto-biographies or picture books even though it's an auto-biographical picture book. Fun, huh?
For some reason, i was the only person exercising in the entire park. There was someone sleeping under a tree that made me feel a completely different type of paranoia ("if he jumps up and starts chasing me, i don't have the energy or adrenaline to run away... when is this interval going to be over?!?"), the four standing in the middle of the sidewalk laughed at me because i am wearing a "I Voted Touchscreen" sticker, and the smoker and senior citizen were surprised when i waved (in fact, the old fogie was utterly unresponsive). Yeah, not the funnest half hour, but i got through it.
Now i have to get back to my oral report for Children's Lit tomorrow. It took three librarians and me a while to find the book i was looking for (The Wall: Growing Up Behind the Iron Curtain by Peter Sis) because i couldn't remember the author, thought he was Ukranian instead of Czech, and was in Non-Fiction rather than with the auto-biographies or picture books even though it's an auto-biographical picture book. Fun, huh?
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Cto5k progress
i have been in a weird headspace lately and haven't really had anything that i could put into words. i haven't been able to remember my dreams lately, something which is extremely odd for me. And then in the past week i had two very weird dreams, one where i was five months pregnant and had absolutely no idea what was going on, then another where i was at KJCT seeing all the people i used to work with and feeling particularly amorous towards one cute former-co-worker that i was never particularly interested in as i recall (though i do remember that i always thought he is cute).
Hm, it seems i have digressed a bit. Well, sense the last time i posted, i have gained back seven of the nine pounds that i had lost. In other words, i've been kicking my butt for nothing, at least that's the way it seemed. Working out on the elliptical trainer seemed pleasant enough, and gave me time to focus on happy thoughts... and eventually not so happy ones. i was trying to run Tuesday Thursday Saturday this week for Week 5, but today i did not run. On Thursday i felt like going to the track and enjoying the lovely weather and failed miserably at running eight minutes straight. i just couldn't breathe: i think that it was a combination of how i had gotten used to the warm air in the gym, might be getting a cold (i certainly was coughing Thursday night), and how the evening workout just doesn't agree with me at all. So next week i am going to go back to running outside, possibly buy some warmer workout clothes with my house/petsitting check, and repeat week 5. i was doing fine on Day 1 on the elliptical, we'll just have to see how it goes on the track.
Hm, it seems i have digressed a bit. Well, sense the last time i posted, i have gained back seven of the nine pounds that i had lost. In other words, i've been kicking my butt for nothing, at least that's the way it seemed. Working out on the elliptical trainer seemed pleasant enough, and gave me time to focus on happy thoughts... and eventually not so happy ones. i was trying to run Tuesday Thursday Saturday this week for Week 5, but today i did not run. On Thursday i felt like going to the track and enjoying the lovely weather and failed miserably at running eight minutes straight. i just couldn't breathe: i think that it was a combination of how i had gotten used to the warm air in the gym, might be getting a cold (i certainly was coughing Thursday night), and how the evening workout just doesn't agree with me at all. So next week i am going to go back to running outside, possibly buy some warmer workout clothes with my house/petsitting check, and repeat week 5. i was doing fine on Day 1 on the elliptical, we'll just have to see how it goes on the track.
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