Should be studying for my Brit Lit midterm but i can't really bring myself to care. i wrote Brad a couple of days ago, again last night, and feel torn about re-opening channels with him. i feel like i'm being dumb, but it's what a small piece of me has always wanted... to get a happy ending with him. The irony is that i am actually seeing the possibility of some life choices that probably would not be compatible with being with him (perhaps anyone). Even talking about this is stupid, i don't even know that he's interested or worth pursuing. i'm just remembering what it was like to start getting to know him, when i realized that i could be happy with a simple life on a farm, with giving up my dreams of being an actress. i have no overwhelming desire for fame for its own sake, or riches to squander; i just feel the overwhelming need to write, and any excess that i find myself blessed with would go to those less fortunate than myself.
i'm so tired, i guess i probably always just saw Brad as an out, a rescue, a knight in shining armor if ever i had such delusions, but then... he never seemed to want to fit that bill.
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